Summary
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood is a groundbreaking self-help for women who are repeatedly drawn to troubled, emotionally unavailable, and sometimes abusive men. A licensed marriage and family therapist, Norwood traces this unhealthy pattern to unresolved childhood issues, arguing that, for these women, being in love often equates to being in pain. Beyond identifying the problem, the book offers a specific program for recovery, empowering women to break the cycle of destructive relationships and seek out healthy, loving attachments. Published in 1985, Women Who Love Too Much sparked widespread discussion about codependency and relationship dynamics, inspired numerous support groups, and became a #1 New York Times bestseller.
Plot
Women Who Love Too Much explores the patterns of behavior and thought processes that lead certain women into unhealthy, painful romantic relationships. The book focuses on women who find themselves repeatedly drawn to troubled, emotionally unavailable, or otherwise unsuitable partners, often as a result of unresolved childhood issues.
Drawing on her work as a marriage and family therapist, Robin Norwood describes how these women tend to prioritize “having somebody to love” above all else in their lives. They often believe that finding “the right man” will solve their emotional problems, such as depression or loneliness. Paradoxically, they may find themselves bored by kind, honest, and dependable partners, instead gravitating towards those who cause them pain.
The author presents this tendency to “love too much” as a form of addiction, comparing it to other destructive behaviors. Women caught in this pattern may find themselves struggling desperately to make doomed relationships work, often at great personal cost. Norwood explores how this behavior is rooted in childhood experiences and becomes a repetitive cycle in adulthood.
While much of the book is devoted to identifying and understanding this pattern, Norwood also offers a specific program for recovery. She provides guidance for women to recognize their destructive relationship patterns and take steps towards healthier, more fulfilling romantic connections. The book aims to help readers break free from the cycle of loving too much and develop more balanced approaches to love and relationships.
Themes
Understanding patterns of destructive love
Childhood influences on adult relationships
Addiction to unhealthy partnerships
Recognizing and breaking codependent behaviors
Self-empowerment and recovery
Importance of self-love and self-care
Developing healthier relationship dynamics
Setting
Women Who Love Too Much was published in 1985, during a time of evolving gender roles and increasing awareness of relationship dynamics in Western society. The book emerged as part of the self-help genre that gained popularity in the 1980s, addressing issues of codependency and unhealthy relationship patterns. The book’s content is primarily relevant to women in Western cultures, especially in North America. Author Robin Norwood draws on her experiences as a marriage and family therapist in the United States, offering insights applicable to women across various urban and suburban environments.
The “setting” of Women Who Love Too Much is more psychological than physical, focusing on the internal landscapes of women's minds and emotions. Norwood explores childhood experiences, family dynamics, and societal expectations that shape women's behavior in relationships, creating a narrative that resonates across diverse living situations and socioeconomic backgrounds.
Key Figures
Robin Norwood: The author, a marriage and family therapist. Norwood draws on her professional experience to identify patterns of unhealthy relationships and provide guidance for recovery. She focuses on women who repeatedly find themselves in destructive partnerships, often as a result of childhood experiences.
The “Woman Who Loves Too Much": While not a specific character, this archetype represents the primary focus of the book. She is a woman who consistently enters into unhealthy relationships, often with emotionally unavailable or troubled men. Her behavior stems from unresolved childhood issues and manifests as an addiction to dysfunctional love. The book aims to help her recognize and break this pattern.
The “Right Man": Another archetypal figure in the book, representing the idealized partner that women who love too much believe will solve their problems. This hypothetical man is often emotionally distant, unavailable, or troubled, perpetuating the cycle of unhealthy relationships.
"Nice Guys": Mentioned as potential partners who are open, honest, and dependable but often overlooked by women who love too much. These men represent healthier relationship options that may seem less exciting to women caught in destructive patterns.
Quick facts
Women Who Love Too Much became a #1 New York Times bestseller in 1987, two years after its publication.
Author Robin Norwood, a marriage and family therapist, describes “loving too much” as a pattern developed from childhood issues.
Women Who Love Too Much sparked controversy among some feminist scholars for its premise.
The book offers a specific program for recovery from unhealthy relationships.
Women Who Love Too Much popularized the concept of “love addiction” in mainstream culture.
The success of the book led to several follow-up works by Norwood.
Women Who Love Too Much has been translated into over 30 languages and sold millions of copies worldwide since its initial publication.
About the Author
Robin Norwood (1945-) is a licensed marriage and family therapist and renowned author on relationships. She is best known for her groundbreaking work on why women are often drawn to troubled, emotionally unavailable men, Women Who Love Too Much. Published in 1985, this self-help book became a #1 New York Times bestseller, with translations into more than 30 languages and over three million copies in print worldwide. Its success led to follow-up works, including Letters from Women Who Love Too Much and Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much.
Norwood first gained international recognition for her work in the field of relationship addiction and co-alcoholism, drawing from her 15 years of experience in addiction treatment. Her insightful approach to relationships and personal growth continues to impact readers, offering guidance and understanding to those grappling with complex emotional issues.
Currently, Norwood resides on a ranch in California's central coast area. Her work remains influential in the fields of psychology and self-help, touching the lives of countless individuals seeking to understand and improve their relationships.
