In Michelle Obama: The Light Podcast, the former First Lady and her friends share personal stories and insights you won’t encounter anywhere else. Here, Mrs. Obama shares her advice for seeking meaningful connections, her passion for knitting, the joy she found in creating The Light Podcast, and more.
The Light Podcast emphasizes the importance of meaningful relationships; however, the past few years have made it difficult for people to cultivate deep connections. For those feeling like they haven’t found “their people,” how do you recommend they grow their circle?
You know, there’s this sense of anxiety that I think all of us feel about making friends. In a lot of ways, it can be similar to what people feel when they are dating, too—just wondering: "Does that person actually like me? Is this a genuine connection?"
I think one of the best ways to overcome that fear and to grow your circle of friends is to put yourself in situations where you feel safe and happy. Maybe it’s a yoga class. Maybe it’s a writing group. It can be anywhere you like to be—a book club, a film group, at the playground where your child loves the big slide. When you put yourself in situations like that, you already have a starting point. And from there, it can feel easier to explore that curiosity you may have about someone, to peel away at their layers, to really get to know them. There’s no age limit to find deep connections either; it can happen anytime and anywhere—I’ve made wonderful friends even when living in the White House, surrounded by armed Secret Service officers. The point is, we just have to open ourselves up to seeing others and allowing ourselves to be seen. That’s where feeling comfortable and safe is even more important.
You discuss how to build habits in an ever-changing world. What's the most impactful habit you have formed in the past few years?
I get into this a lot in the book and podcast, but I’ve taken up knitting and it’s been so good for me. In a world where all the problems feel so big and everything feels like it’s moving too fast, knitting has become my way of centering myself to calm my anxious mind. It allows my fingers to do the work as my brain trails behind, giving me the space I need to calm myself and find clarity. I don’t think knitting is the cure-all for everybody, but I think building any habit, even if it’s gardening or sewing—something you might have never tried before—can make a big difference for you. It’s all about finding ways to help yourself deal with the uncertainties that come with life.
You and Conan O’Brien bond over your shared adolescent experiences of “othering.” What would you say to people who feel uncomfortable standing out?
I would say: Own it. I know that’s hard to do in practice. But oftentimes, that thing that we feel embarrassed about or othered by—our height, our hair color, our ethnicity—might just be the thing that helps us shine the brightest. I know we are all afraid of the way people perceive us because we just want to fit in. I’ve felt that, especially when I was younger. But fitting in doesn’t allow us to exercise our individuality in the way that we want. So if you’re young and feeling isolated, I want you to say this: Let your differences be your starting point—let them help you find ways to grow and stand out and explore who you are.
Your mom, Marian Robinson, is someone we feel like we’ve gotten to know through her years living with you at the White House, through your books, and now a bit more through The Light Podcast. How has your relationship with her shaped your relationship with your own daughters?
I am who I am because of my mom. She taught me so many things about what it means to be a good and caring parent, and instilled in me a fierce independence that I hope I passed along to my girls. One of the most important lessons she taught me is to always see them for who they are—not who I think they are, not who I want them to be, but who they are, truly. In many ways, I think that perspective helped me to cultivate beautiful, unique, and powerful relationships with both of my daughters.
For some, it’s been very hard to “go high” the past several years in our society. What advice do you have for people who aren’t seeing themselves reflected in the current politics of the day?
I would tell them that I absolutely understand how easy it is to be cynical and frustrated and jaded by our politics. Believe me, I do. But the harsh reality is that throwing up your hands and walking away isn’t an answer either. Making change is not easy—one election cycle will not fix everything, and that means we need to vote in every election, at every level, until we create the change we’re hoping for. Our vote is the most powerful tool we have in changing the world around us—not because it’s quick and easy, but because it's strategic, deliberate, and powerful. It’s what shifts the gears in our society, and takes us in a better direction.
The generations before us that changed our country for the better—the women’s movement, the civil rights movement, the labor movement, the LGBT movement—those folks didn’t believe that one day of protesting or advocating meant that tomorrow would be a whole new world. They knew that they were working toward something more fundamental, and that would take time, and energy, and sacrifice. That’s why they kept going. And that’s what we always need to remember—that being involved in our political process is not about us right now this second. It’s about our children and grandchildren. It’s about our communities five, ten, fifteen years from now. That’s how we go high—not by giving in or giving up, but by doing the hard work while our eyes are set on the horizon.
What have you learned about yourself on your journey creating The Light Podcast, and sharing Becoming and The Light We Carry with the world?
It’s been such an amazing experience. And I think what’s been the most clear to me is just how much all of us have in common. Every city I went to on my book tours, every person I talked to at shows and book signings and the podcast recordings, they all had something that resonated deeply with me. They were trying to stay afloat in a confusing time. They were leaning on their kitchen table of friends. They were worrying about how to raise good kids. In a world that sometimes makes us feel so isolated and alone, I saw that we are all interconnected in so many ways. And that’s something I will always cherish.
