As soon as I heard the premise of Saumya Dave’s The Guilt Pill, about an experimental pill that erases mothers’ guilt, I was fully invested. My oldest is 15, so I’ve had a decade and a half to notice the guilty thoughts that run through my head all day: I should be making the kids’ lunches instead of giving them money for the cafeteria. I should have gotten them involved in sports earlier and given them phones later. I even blame myself for hypotheticals outside my control, like whether my personality and genes have made them shyer or less athletic than other kids. Casting my mind back to the extra vulnerable years of early parenthood and pregnancy, the guilt spirals were even more intense. As I alternated between being a stay-at-home mom and working full time, living in the city and then the suburbs, or making all my own organic food vs. popping freezer meals in the microwave, one thing remained constant: the guilt.
So it was a relief as well as a thrill to dive into The Guilt Pill, which follows new mom Maya as she juggles parenting a newborn with her demands as CEO of a hot new startup, pressure that’s compounded by the expectations of her Indian immigrant parents. When a white woman and consummate #girlboss named Liz introduces Maya to a magic pill that erases guilt, it seems like the perfect solution—until, of course, it doesn’t. In this interview, Dave discusses her inspirations for the novel and how her psychiatric expertise and research on guilt led to some pretty fascinating revelations. Enjoy, guilt-free.
Kat Johnson: Congratulations on your new book, I absolutely love it! The Guilt Pill is a thrilling and often very funny page-turner with an incredible speculative premise. How did the idea of a pill that erases guilt come to you and how did it evolve with the story?
Saumya Dave: Thank you so much for the kind words! I became a new mom at the end of 2019, and many friends had warned me about what they called “mom guilt.” I found the first weeks of my son’s life overwhelming and told myself I’d get into a rhythm by the end of my fourth trimester. That ended up being March 2020, when everyone’s lives changed. I felt like I experienced new motherhood in a pressure cooker. Many of my friends with kids told me about their experiences with a new intensity of guilt. How would lockdown impact their children? How could they keep their families safe? I grappled with those same questions every day and was surprised at how powerful the guilt truly was.
I’m a practicing psychiatrist and one day I found my two worlds coming together. I wondered what would happen if I could prescribe a pill that could take away a mother’s guilt for several hours at a time. What would someone with that ability feel freer to do? What would improve? What would be worrisome? I always knew I wanted to explore the life of a founder, but once the idea of the pill became clearer, I was able to really sit with Maya’s character and learn more about her.
“I’m an immigrant and child of immigrants, so I grew up feeling a level of guilt if I felt as though I was letting my parents down or not making the most of all they sacrificed.”
As someone who’s very successful and, I’m guessing, ambitious—you’re publishing your third novel while also being a psychiatrist, mental health advocate, and mom of two with a thriving social media presence—you share some similarities with your main character, Maya. What role has guilt played in your own life and what did you want to explore about it through the book?
Guilt has played a significant role in many ways. I’m an immigrant and child of immigrants, so I grew up feeling a level of guilt if I felt as though I was letting my parents down or not making the most of all they sacrificed. I’m also an eldest daughter and feel love, responsibility, and guilt in that role. As a physician, I am always making sure I’m doing the best I can for my patients.
What I loved about writing this book was learning about the intricacies of guilt. One of my favorite divisions of it was adaptive vs. maladaptive guilt. Adaptive guilt is guilt that cues us into our internal values and who we want to be. Maladaptive guilt is guilt that may be a type of emotional muscle memory. Maybe it's a message from a parent or caregiver that doesn't align with us now. Maybe it’s an unfair expectation from society. Either way, it's a type of guilt that settles in even when we know we aren’t technically doing anything wrong. My research taught me that it’s important to sit with our guilt and try to understand it, to observe it with curiosity instead of judgment. Like all emotions, guilt is never all good or all bad.
“If women saw their own mothers, grandmothers, and other women in their community driven by guilt, it can become a family heirloom.”
I related so much to Maya’s struggles as a new mother, navigating the caretaking demands that fall disproportionately on moms while trying to retain some of her former independence and sense of control. Her ambition as an entrepreneur, less familiar to me personally, felt incredibly real as well. As a psychiatrist and mental health advocate, how many “Mayas” do you encounter and how do you see guilt impacting their health and relationships?
I meet so many Mayas: women wearing multiple hats who feel caught between contradictory expectations. Many women I’ve spoken with professionally and personally feel the responsibility of caring for others and have felt that way since they were young. They may struggle with taking time for themselves and see rest as a reward rather than a right. They may experience burnout across multiple parts of their lives. They may feel like they have to be everything to everyone. And over time, those feelings can harden into resentment, rage, or both.
A lot of my work, whether that’s as a psychiatrist or author, is an attempt to help people cultivate self-compassion and advocate for themselves. One of my favorite exercises is a “self-talk log.” I ask someone to write down the way they’re talking to themselves over two weeks. At the end of that period, we read their inner monologue and see if there’s space for more kindness, less criticism. Also, a lot of self-help advice focuses on the individual. While there’s so much value to that, I think it’s essential that we acknowledge the role of systems. If a parent doesn’t have adequate parental leave or childcare, they’re limited in what they are able to do, and how much time they may even have to reflect in the first place. All of these things are incredibly layered and I think it’s always important to remember that.
“It’s important to sit with our guilt and try to understand it, to observe it with curiosity instead of judgment. Like all emotions, guilt is never all good or all bad.”
In mental health, we hear a lot about burnout, anxiety, depression, rage, ADHD—but a lot less about guilt, which is such a common experience among women and, as you show so compellingly in the book, especially for mothers, women of color, and first-generation daughters. Why do you think guilt is so prevalent, and what purpose do you think it serves? Why is it so compounded by family relationships? And in the absence of a magical guilt-erasing supplement, is there a better solution for dealing with it?
Multiple things can be true. Guilt can keep us aligned with our values and give us a sense of accountability with others. It can also be weaponized. So many women are primed to be caretakers—we even see that the work of “kinkeeping," or maintaining social bonds, primarily falls on women. Then we add in the pressure to be likable, to be attractive, to not ruffle any feathers. If women saw their own mothers, grandmothers, and other women in their community driven by guilt, it can become a family heirloom. Family shapes us in so many ways, so I'm not surprised that family-related guilt can be especially intense.
One of my favorite things to recommend is looking at a “values checklist.” There are many available online. Going through our own values, reflection, journaling—all of these can help us learn more about ourselves and our relationships with different types of guilt. Having supportive people in our lives is also so important. And of course, being intentional about what we take in. If we’re following social media accounts where everything looks clean and perfect and ethereal (while motherhood is often messy!) we may unintentionally develop ideas on how we "should" be.
“A lot of self-help advice focuses on the individual. While there’s so much value to that, I think it’s essential that we acknowledge the role of systems.”
In recent years, we’ve seen disenchantment with the #girlboss mentality as well as a fascination with women scammers—I recently read that the Elizabeth Holmes saga still hangs over female founders. What do you think the cultural perception is of female success stories like Maya right now, and are there ways in which you wish it would change?
I think it’s slowly (emphasis on slowly) shifting. I actually worked on the Elizabeth Holmes documentary when I was interning at the ABC News Medical Unit. It was fascinating to do a deep dive into her story. The trap with pushing women out of spaces—and then having too few women in them—is that one woman then represents all. There are so many ways I wish it would change. First, we need more women on all sides. While I approached Maya’s journey as a founder, I also found in my research that we need more women on the investing side. We need more women serving on boards. Stories are also incredibly important because they show people a different way than the one that’s always presented. The more stories we share about women creating and building, the more we are all reminded that women need to be in this space as well. True story: Because of my nonstop discussions about my book research, my older son now assumes anyone with the title “CEO” is a woman!
I loved hearing Sharmila Devar perform the audiobook of The Guilt Pill. Can you share any details behind her casting or performance?
Sharmila did such an amazing job. She immediately captured the tone, pacing, and texture of the novel. I had the honor of listening to multiple wonderful narrators and she stood out right away.
