Five years ago, everyone became a time traveler. Everyone but Luke, who now lives in a world where practical jokes are up 60,000 percent, his roommate insists on having 12-self orgies in front of him, and every potential girlfriend has dumped him for stuff he hasn't done yet. Luke suddenly finds himself on the run from a government agency with the intention of slicing him up for experimentation. No wonder he hates time travelers....
Simon and Emily are in love. They're also damned to hell. It's complicated, but trust me, I'll walk you through the details. Perhaps I should introduce myself: Hi, I'm your narrator, and I talk too much. However, this is a story that requires lots of words to be told, lots of tangents, and far too many expletives.
"Refreshing author & narrator"
George Walther Stott was the richest and most hated man in Stottington, and his three children grew up to be almost as hated as he was. As he took his final breath, George Walther died of natural causes with a smile on his face. For even though he was passing on, he would have the last laugh. His children, those appalling mumblecrusting jizzbags who seeped forth from his former wife's formerly perfect vagina, would only inherit his massive wealth on one condition. That they solve his murder.
"What a flaming load of crarp"
Jon Gilligan is the only man with a pulse in a city of the undead. It's his job to maintain order between the factions of walking corpses and disembodied spirits. The workload has been driving him a little insane, leading him to take on the persona of a noir detective. He narrates his adventures, casting himself as a hero to all those under his watch.