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Dan Absalonson

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  • The Christmas Cave | David R. Beshears

    The Christmas Cave

    • UNABRIDGED (2 hrs and 16 mins)
    • By David R. Beshears
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
    (7)
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    (7)
    Story
    (7)

    Thirteen-year-old Jack and his 12-year-old sister Amanda visit their Grandma Jenny in the mountains over the Christmas holiday. They hear the story of a mythical cavern that Grandma went searching for 50 years earlier with her little brother Bill and their best friend Mike. Her brother was lost, never to be seen again. Drawn to the mystery, Jack and Amanda meet up with Daniel Madsen, a local boy diagnosed with Leukemia and only months to live.

    Citizen Arcane says: "Compelling and Unique Holiday Tale"
  • Sugar Detox: The Ultimate Beginners Guide to Cleanse, Detox and Overcome Sugar Addictions Completely | Tracy-Ann Hyman

    Sugar Detox: The Ultimate Beginners Guide to Cleanse, Detox and Overcome Sugar Addictions Completely

    • UNABRIDGED (42 mins)
    • By Tracy-Ann Hyman
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (7)
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    (6)
    Story
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    Sugar is an addictive substance, just like caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol. And whilst we all know that a diet high in sugar can cause obesity, heart disease, cancer and diabetes, it is now also linked to a wide range of other serious health conditions, such as poor brain development in children, cataracts - even Alzheimer's. Quite simply, our excess intake of sugar, from the spoonfuls we tip into our tea to the high levels of fructose hidden in packaged foods, is making us fat and sick, and is prematurely aging our skin.

    Bennett says: "useless"
  • Santa's an A-Hole | A. C. Faltis

    Santa's an A-Hole

    • UNABRIDGED (1 hr and 7 mins)
    • By A. C. Faltis
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
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    Slightly offensive and utterly ridiculous, Santa's an A-Hole is the first installment of a series of humorous audiobooks by comedy writer A.C. Faltis. This audiobook is short and sweet but sure to get you giggling like a schoolgirl. You may think you know Santa. You're wrong. Santa's an a-hole. Santa and his band of miscreants are taking advantage of innocent elves. Mrs. Claus is even running her own prostitution ring. Luckily, Allen McLittle, a drunken little elf with a big attitude, is ready to take Santa down one hilarious prank at a time.

  • Gardening for Beginners: Have the Best Garden in the World with These Tips | Dahlia Rose

    Gardening for Beginners: Have the Best Garden in the World with These Tips

    • UNABRIDGED (40 mins)
    • By Dahlia Rose
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    (2)

    Have you considered gardening, but don't know where to start? This insightful book will give you the tips necessary for beginners, to create the best garden for their heart's desire. Gardening for Beginners is full of pointers to help you make the most informed decision when starting a garden for the first time.

    Avid Reader says: "Covers all aspects of Gardening"
  • Dinosaurs: 51 Fabulous Facts | Lucy Wilson

    Dinosaurs: 51 Fabulous Facts

    • UNABRIDGED (38 mins)
    • By Lucy Wilson
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    Then this lively, fast-paced and informative book will enchant them! Filled with fascinating facts and stunning photos it reveals 51 Fabulous Facts about Dinosaurs.

  • Intriguing Science Fiction Short Stories and Tributes: Thrilling Adventures in Fantasy | James M. Lowrance

    Intriguing Science Fiction Short Stories and Tributes: Thrilling Adventures in Fantasy

    • UNABRIDGED (56 mins)
    • By James M. Lowrance
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    Among the subjects covered in this audiobook are time travel, living prehistoric monsters of the deep, Alfred Hitchcock - a master of Sci-Fi as well as suspense, Bigfoot, and UFOs - a subject of reality and science fiction.

    GameMaker says: "Unoriginal, and just plain bad"
  • The Home Health Aide Textbook: Home Care Principles | Jane John-Nwankwo RN MSN

    The Home Health Aide Textbook: Home Care Principles

    • UNABRIDGED (5 hrs and 13 mins)
    • By Jane John-Nwankwo RN MSN
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    This book was written out of an inner passion to provide a quality but concise textbook for home health aides as well as caregivers. The seven federally required topics for home health aides are adequately covered. If the listener gains any new knowledge from this book or finds new strength to care for people who require care in their homes, then the purpose of this book will be achieved.

    Deedra says: "Home health aide textbook"
  • Evolution Can't be True Because I Don't Like Bananas: My Ponderings on Mr. Darwin's Flawed Theory | Percyvelle Pennington III

    Evolution Can't be True Because I Don't Like Bananas: My Ponderings on Mr. Darwin's Flawed Theory

    • UNABRIDGED (31 mins)
    • By Percyvelle Pennington III
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
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    Here again, I will be gracing another major subject with my irreproachable wisdom and my brain-flipping intelligence, in this audiobook. I doubt that there is a single evolutionist who can match wits with me because I am a student of life and of nature. My own self-administered studies are far greater than those that can be offered by universities and schools (not to degrade the importance of them for most people) or by attaining educational degrees and credentials (also very important for the right people).

  • They Use to Exist | Drac Von Stoller

    They Use to Exist

    • UNABRIDGED (9 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    It was the summer of 1963 and three friends Mark, Dan and Steve who loved to sail the deepest oceans shared the same dream, they all wanted to find the lost ship called the SS Triton that was said to have disappeared somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle in 1933 carrying over twenty million dollars in gold coins. After weeks of preparation with media attention the three friends were ready to set sail and have their pictures put on the front covers of all the major newspapers when they came back with the sunken treasure.

    Citizen Arcane says: "Like an audio episode of "The Twilight Zone""
  • Ghost Mansion | Drac Von Stoller

    Ghost Mansion

    • UNABRIDGED (13 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    >Deep in the country stood a beautiful mansion said to be the most haunted place you'd ever step foot in. But does this place really exist or is it just a legend? Here is where the story begins. It all happened one stormy night on October 31, 1929....

    Citizen Arcane says: "They've Done It Again!"
  • The XJ7 Experiment: Hostile Grey Aliens | Drac Von Stoller

    The XJ7 Experiment: Hostile Grey Aliens

    • UNABRIDGED (8 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    What should have been the greatest moment of Dr. Spencer's life would be a death sentence if he told what he and some other scientists were working on in a secret underground governmental facility called XJ7. Rumor has it that Dr. Spencer and a team of scientists were working on reverse engineering on a UFO that crash landed on a farm about 25 miles from the XJ7 facility. It wasn't the Government that these scientists had to fear it was the aliens that were recovered from the crash site about keeping it secret.

  • Twas the Bite before Christmas | Drac Von Stoller

    Twas the Bite before Christmas

    • UNABRIDGED (6 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
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    It was Christmas Eve night just like all the other Christmas Eve's night before it, but this Christmas Eve night things were about to become ugly for Santa Claus. As Santa was climbing down the chimney he climbed down one he should have passed by. This chimney happened to be Castle Drac Von Stoller's and the Count was in no mood for any visitors, but Santa had no idea he was climbing down the chimney of a blood sucking vampire. Just as Santa was dusting off the ash from the chimney from his suit Count Drac Von Stoller's eyes were blazing red staring right at Santa. Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" Count Drac Von Stoller replied, "What are you doing in my castle uninvited?" Santa chuckled and said "It's Christmas Eve, and I brought gifts to place under the tree for you and your family to open on Christmas Day."

  • Grave Robbers | Drac Von Stoller

    Grave Robbers

    • UNABRIDGED (11 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    (4)

    It was 1862 and the town of Sickville had many Gold Mines that thrived in an overabundance of wealth until greed took over and friends and neighbors became enemies. There was always someone standing guard by their mines, but there were too many people not in on the cut. So, that's when things got ugly and people that used to be friends started dying just to get their hands on the gold.

    M. Orenstein says: "Average story brought to life by talented narrator"
  • Desecration | Drac Von Stoller

    Desecration

    • UNABRIDGED (7 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    Overall
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    Some point in our lives we've been in a position with our friends or someone that may have a significant impact on our lives that we do things we may regret, but we do it anyway and suffer the consequences either immediate or later on. That's exactly what is about to happen to Jimmy and his friends Tommy, Darren and Karen.

  • The Night It Rained Hell | Drac Von Stoller

    The Night It Rained Hell

    • UNABRIDGED (5 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
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    The night finally arrived and all the people of the Earth thought they were going to a better place, but they were dead wrong. The sky was bloodred then out of nowhere came loud thunder followed by blinding white lightning. People dropped to their knees in the streets crying at what should have been tears of joy, but instead were tears of sorrow.

  • Airpocalypse | Drac Von Stoller

    Airpocalypse

    • UNABRIDGED (5 mins)
    • By Drac Von Stoller
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
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    The day finally came for all mankind that would choke his very existence from the planet he promised to love and honor. No one could leave their homes because the smog was getting thicker and thicker by the minute. The sun that used to shine so bright that every man, woman and child took for granted was nothing more than a dot like a flashlight with weak batteries that you hit with your hand several times in hopes light will shine.

  • Corrective Admonition for Restaurant Nose Blowers: Countering Patrons Who Are Rude with Their Sinuses in Eateries | Percyville Pennington the Third

    Corrective Admonition for Restaurant Nose Blowers: Countering Patrons Who Are Rude with Their Sinuses in Eateries

    • UNABRIDGED (20 mins)
    • By Percyville Pennington the Third
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
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    While the solution I offer to the growing problem of restaurant patrons blowing their noses outwardly and openly within public dining rooms, is simple and that I could have easily stated within a single paragraph, this would be a lost opportunity. I say this because my example and solution for only one problem we may experience during our stay at a public eatery, is simply that..."an example". I am using what might be the single most disgusting behavioral act that can be perpetrated but not hidden, by a fellow restaurant-patron, being that of "dining room nose blowing".

  • A Life Worth Dreaming About | Nicholas Dettmann

    A Life Worth Dreaming About

    • UNABRIDGED (8 hrs and 15 mins)
    • By Nicholas Dettmann
    • Narrated By Dan Absalonson
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
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    Carl Robertson, a 32-year-old man, did everything he could to move out of his small Midwestern town, losing many friends along the way. He dreamed of living the elegant lifestyle of New York City. He used his anger and hatred to move out of his hometown, discredit it and never wanted to think about it again. For a while, it worked. Then, he finds his life on the ropes and doesn't know why or how to change it. That is until he meets a man who will change his life forever and in a way he never could've seen coming.

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