Difficult Conversations

How to Discuss What Matters Most

By: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Narrated by: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Dealing with your ex-husband, who can't seem to show up reliably for weekends with the kids; navigating a workplace fraught with office politics or racial tensions; saying "I'm sorry" or "I love you."

We all have difficult conversations, no matter how confident or competent we are. And too often, no matter what we try, things don't go well. Should you say what you're thinking and risk starting a fight? Swallow your views and feel like a doormat? Or should you let them have it? But - what if you're wrong?

Difficult Conversations shows you a way out of this dilemma; it teaches you how to handle even the toughest conversations more effectively and with less anxiety. Based on 15 years of work at Harvard Negotiation Project and consultations with thousands of people, the authors answer the question: When people confront the conversations they dread the most, what works?

Difficult Conversations walks you through a proven, concrete, step-by-step approach for understanding and conducting tough conversations. It shows you how to get ready, how to start the conversations in ways that reduce defensiveness, and how to keep the conversation on a constructive track regardless of how the other person responds.

Whether you're dealing with your baby-sitter or biggest client, your boss or your brother-in-law, Difficult Conversations can help.

©1999 Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen (P)1999 Random House, Inc., All Rights Reserved

Critic reviews

“Does this book deliver on its promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether ‘with your babysitter or your biggest client’? It does.” (The New York Times)

“These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice.” (Booklist)

“I’m on my third reading. Half the pages are dog-eared. This is a mind-bogglingly powerful book. For life.” (Tom Peters)

Great tool but poor narration

This book is very valuable and it provides tactical help in dealing with difficult conversations in business and personal settings.
authors should try to resist the temptation to narrate their own text. Leave it to professionals please... It was slow and the dialogue sounded awkward.

Life changing

Everybody who wants to have successful interactions with other humans needs this book. It's a must for every age, occupation, and communication style. Great read!

Much needed structure to conversations

After reading the book and listening to audio, I realized how many difficult conversations of mine have gone wrong due to the lack if these structures described

So insightful! highly recommended.

Great content..use it and it will change the way you communicate forever for the better.

Content is rich, narration hard to endure

This book has so much content it should be a college or professional course and not a short book.
Needs a facilitator to help teach people to implement the the concepts.
Kind of hard to follow on audio but helpful none the less.
The narration is pretty brutal... I had a hard time with it as it seemed hokey and like it was outside of their comfort zone.

Would Not Recommend

Strong content, but needs more separation of ideas. It is used as a textbook. But, it's too long for listening to the whole thing. And, the social climate of this 1999 recording seems simplistic.

Great learning for me

Recommanded for everyone who want to speak feankly without gwtting into trouble. Coackea managers and parents.

So much helpful information

So much information that directly correlates with problems I have had in the past and covered so many areas and has helped my comfort levels when having difficult conversations.

Practical and illuminating

Lots of useful examples most of us can relate to. I really appreciated that they role-played difficult conversations, breaking them down to explain why they typically don't work, and then rerunning them as more productive versions.

Simply Awesome

This book was packed full of practical guidance. It did a great job of breaking down an incredibly complex topic of communication in relationships and making it easy to understand.

In fact, it illuminates just how complex communication really is. I learned that I think I'm right far, far more than I actually am.

Really looking forward to diving in with this material and strengthening my relationships.