Why Didn't You Tell Me?

A Memoir

By: Carmen Rita Wong

Narrated by: Carmen Rita Wong

Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins

Publisher's summary

An immigrant mother’s long-held secrets upend her daughter’s understanding of her family, her identity, and her place in the world in this powerful and dramatic memoir

“Riveting . . . [Wong] tells her story in vivid conversational prose that will make readers feel they’re listening to a master storyteller on a long car trip. . . . Hers is a hero’s journey.”—The New York Times Book Review

ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: PopSugar, Kirkus Reviews

My mother carried a powerful secret. A secret that shaped my life and the lives of everyone around me in ways she could not have imagined.

Carmen Rita Wong has always craved a sense of belonging: First as a toddler in a warm room full of Black and brown Latina women, like her mother, Lupe, cheering her dancing during her childhood in Harlem. And in Chinatown, where her immigrant father, “Papi” Wong, a hustler, would show her and her older brother off in opulent restaurants decorated in red and gold. Then came the almost exclusively white playgrounds of New Hampshire after her mother married her stepfather, Marty, who seemed to be the ideal of the white American dad.

As Carmen entered this new world with her new family—Lupe and Marty quickly had four more children—her relationship with her mother became fraught with tension, suspicion, and conflict, explained only years later by the secrets her mother had kept for so long.

And when those secrets were revealed, bringing clarity to so much of Carmen’s life, it was too late for answers. When her mother passed away, Carmen wanted to shake her soul by its shoulders and demand: Why didn’t you tell me?

A former national television host, advice columnist, and professor, Carmen searches to understand who she really is as she discovers her mother’s hidden history, facing the revelations that seep out. Why Didn’t You Tell Me? is a riveting and poignant story of Carmen’s experience of race and culture in America and how they shape who we think we are.

©2022 Carmen Rita Wong (P)2022 Random House Audio

Thank you…

As a person with a very complicated family “history” , this was so refreshing. I was in tears through part of and had to pause a couple of times. Your willingness to lean into the mess of life was so uplifting. So again, thank you!

Fantástic listen

I loved this story. I did not know about CRW until I heard a podcast with her. What an amazing story. Read by the author.

Finally we can be out in the open about our family history

This story could have been mine except the island was in Polynesia and NZ was the America. Captivating. Tear jerking - due to my own unexpressed family secrets & child self for holding them. Also spoke to the resiliency of human spirit & connectivity of groups of people. Thank you for sharing so that I can be braver about my own family stories and secrets 💫

Amazing story loved it

Well, written story amazingly told couldn’t stop listening to it. a must read. Four stars.

great read!

This is a great flow and piecing together of an interesting story. I highly recommend it!

Touching story

Stories like this need to be read by more white people to try to understand our diverse people & realize that there is history to who we are as individuals.

Amazing quick read

I couldn’t stop listening and as a first generation American I was able to relate on many levels.

Touching and healing

It makes very happy to see how Carmen brought up her story. I think many of Latinas can relate to the hidden secrets our families hold for the sake of keeping an image and not seeing themselves for who they are "humans". It was very touching and healing for me to see that all this discovery was not in vain. It gave me the understanding and reconciliation to see our parents who they are. Thank you so much Carmen, your book really gave me a new perspective. I hope many people can benefit from this book too ❤❤

Loved it! Intriguing, and relatable as a fellow Latina

From beginning to end, I was hooked. The narration, the story, the ups and downs, mystery, and strengths of Carmen. She captured the complexity of being Latina on the US, looking for where she fit in and managing family relationships.

An intriguing family story

Since I was a child I’ve always been interested in family history, where My ancestors came from, What was it like to live in the past for my family. That meant I always enjoyed spending time with the older members my family and listening to their stories which is not common for a young person. At the center of Carmen Rita Wong‘s family was a big secret that remained hidden for most of her life. However, solving that family mystery only comes in at the end and does make for a very engrossing conclusion to the book now that you’ve gotten to know her and her family so well. She uses DNA testing to help solve a mystery but it isn’t the DNA testing that lets her know that there is a mystery to be solved. It just reveals there are more layers to the mystery that she expected. Most of the book is the story of a young girl trying to find her place both in the world and in her family. It gives the reader a great insight into what it is to be the only non-white person in school and in her community. From an early age Carmen is forced to become the substitute mother for her younger siblings and develops a very strong bond with her older brother due to the fact that her mother has some serious mental health issues and can at times be abusive. Carmen‘s strength comes through in her memoir and how she survives so much loss and shocking revelations is impressive. Frequently it is a bad idea for a writer to read their own book but in this case hearing her story in her own voice really works well plus she can do accents really well