We Should Not Be Friends

The Story of a Friendship

By: Will Schwalbe

Narrated by: Will Schwalbe

Length: 9 hrs and 43 mins

Publisher's summary

A NEW YORKER BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • A warm, funny, irresistible memoir that follows an improbable and life-changing college friendship over the course of forty years—from the best-selling author of The End of Your Life Book Club • “A rare view of male friendship.”—NPR

“Moving…salted with Schwalbe’s well-established literary intelligence and a palpable empathy.” —The New York Times Book Review

By the time Will Schwalbe was a junior at college, he had already met everyone he cared to know: the theater people, writers, visual artists and comp lit majors, and various other quirky characters including the handful of students who shared his own major, Latin and Greek. He also knew exactly who he wanted to avoid: the jocks. The jocks wore baseball caps and moved in packs, filling boisterous tables in the dining hall, and on the whole seemed to be another species entirely, one Will might encounter only at his own peril.

All this changed dramatically when Will collided with Chris Maxey, known to just about everyone as Maxey. Maxey was physically imposing, loud, and a star wrestler who was determined to become a Navy SEAL (where he would later serve for six years). Thanks to the strangely liberating circumstances of a little-known secret society at Yale, the two forged a bond that would become a mainstay of each other’s lives as they repeatedly lost and found each other and themselves in the years after graduation.

From New Haven to New York City, from Hong Kong and Panama to a remarkable school on an island in the Bahamas—through marriages and a divorce, triumphs and devastating losses—We Should Not Be Friends tracks an extraordinary friendship over decades of challenge and change. Schwalbe’s marvelous new work is, at its heart, a joyful testament to the miracle of human connection—and how if we can just get past our preconceptions, we may find some of our greatest friends.

©2023 Will Schwalbe (P)2023 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"We Should Not Be Friends offers a rare view of male friendship, which has received far less attention than platonic closeness between women . . . Seasoned editor that he is, Schwalbe knows how to structure a book for maximum effect . . . We Should Not Be Friends succeeds, to a large extent, because Maxey comes across as a great character. He also proves himself to be a warm and devoted friend. This book is Schwalbe's payback, his way of expressing his gratitude by using the tools with which he is most comfortable.”—NPR

"Moving . . . salted with Schwalbe’s well-established literary intelligence and a palpable empathy.”—The New York Times Book Review

"What I loved about Will and Maxey was watching their capacity for friendship grow as Life came at them, making them bigger and wiser human beings along the way. At the end of the book, I found myself turning the title around. Why wouldn’t they be friends?"—Martha Teichner, author of When Harry Met Minnie

A beautiful and engaging story

This book was easy to get lost in. The writer tells a beautiful story of friendship between 2 unlikely men and there own personal experiences and growth through time. A very fast listen or read. I highly recommend it.

Beautiful in every way

This book was touching, inspiring and relatable. It also educated me in so many ways about a different way to think about how and what we teach our children. It reminded me what is important to each one of us “in the grand scheme of things”, that is life. I so enjoyed every moment of this journey of friendship.

Speaking Life’s Little Epic Moments

Thank you for putting voice and awareness to impactful feelings not often confronted. The angle of the hill feels less steep already.

Excellent storytelling and very engaging

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The thoughtfulness, openness and introspection of both Will and Maxey is beautifully portrayed. Thank you both for your willingness to share your story! And my favorite book is also Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner. Who knew I was in such good company?!

Great read

As a Yale law school alum, I have to admit that I was attracted to the book because of the familiarity with the place. Additionally, I was in college at precisely the same time the author was.

Setting all of that predisposition to like the book aside, I found it in an engaging read. It’s very much an homage to friendship, especially the friendships that are the unlikeliest.

Loved it!

I absolutely loved this book and didn’t want it to end. What a beautiful story of friendship across time.

We Should Not Be Friends

The premise of the book may not seem enthralling at first, but I am very glad I listened to it. It has a lot of lessons about the importance of actually getting to know people and not being held back by your own preconceptions or prejudices about them. And also the importance of having people in your life with whom you can be vulnerable. It also highlights the importance of reaching out to people and putting work into friendships. Time has a habit of getting away from us, and before you know it, you haven't spoken to someone in months or even years. This may not have been intended as a self-help book, but I'm definitely going to try and implement some of the lessons in my own life.

Additionally, as an Island School alum, it was interesting to hear more about the founding of the story and what was happening behind the scenes with Maxey. I attended not long after his hip operation and found him to be an inspirational figure. I feel even more respect now that I know all the other struggles he had to contend with.

Inspirational and heartwarming

Inspired to be more open with my friends, connect more often and raise my child with an experience like the one provided by The Island School.

Fantastic listen!

An entertaining story of a lifelong unlikely friendship. An easy listen / narrated by the author.

Important lessons we all should reflect on

Enjoy the honesty - the highs and lows as well as ebbs and flows of a true enduring friendship.