-
The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
- The NFL's Greatest Players, Plays, Scandals, and Screw-Ups (Plus Stuff We Totally Made Up)
- Narrated by: Dan Patrick
- Length: 4 hrs and 48 mins
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The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
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Publisher's summary
Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America’s greatest* comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America’s sport!**
*“greatest” is actually just a bad type-o for “mediocre”
**No, not darts, we mean pro football. (book on professional darts coming never)
Did you know . . .
Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.)
The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.)
The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn’t agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn’t our thing.)
The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America’s favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called “Peacock”) and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths.
This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen (3 Emmys, several cavities due to poor flossing) and includes contributions from certifiably hilarious people, such as:
Andy Richter (Late Night with Conan O’Brien)
Brian Kelley (The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live)
Chuck Tatham (Modern Family, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother)
Mike Price (The Simpsons, F is for Family)
Donick Cary (Silicon Valley, New Girl)
Christine Nangle (Inside Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live)
Broti Gupta (The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Simpsons)
Rob Cohen (Saturday Night Live, Big Bang Theory)
The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football informs (a little), entertains (a lot), and is the perfect gift to taunt the Jets fans in your life.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 213,387
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 193,090
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Story5 out of 5 stars 192,119
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,562
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,598
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,573
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,207
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,678
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Story4 out of 5 stars 15,612
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Hot White Heist 2
- By: Adam Goldman
- Narrated by: Bowen Yang, Jane Lynch, Cynthia Nixon, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 249
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 243
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 243
Two years after successfully melting down the top secret sperm bank under the Space Needle, the CLITO collective (Community of Lesbians Inclusive To Others) is thriving on their newly acquired private island, Lesbos 2. All is well in their queer utopia. Or is it? Investigative reporter Sarah Keebler (Sarah Steele) is piecing together the crew's previous heist for her bombshell true-crime podcast–and getting dangerously close to the truth.
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5 out of 5 stars
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AS FUN AS SEASON1
- By Robert on 03-07-24
By: Adam Goldman
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,094
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 970
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Story4 out of 5 stars 966
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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3 out of 5 stars
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 55,718
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,198
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 49,942
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 38
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 38
From Monday Night Football to Super Bowl Sunday, the NFL is a dominating force in the lives of millions of fans who tune in and passionately cheer for their favorite teams. And when the games are over, the conversation is just getting started. Who's the greatest player of all time? Which coaches truly shaped the game we known and love today? Why is professional football such an undeniable part of our culture? Three-time Super Bowl winner Michael Lombardi has done it all—from scout to executive to coach—and now he sets the record straight on these questions and more.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great overview on history. Not the best top 100 list.
- By Rajiv on 09-05-23
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Playmakers
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- By: Mike Florio
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- Length: 12 hrs and 12 mins
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 231
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 194
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Story4 out of 5 stars 189
In recent decades, the NFL has simultaneously become an athletic, financial, and cultural powerhouse—and a League that can’t seem to go more than a few weeks without a scandal. Whether it’s about domestic violence, performance-enhancing drugs, racism, or head trauma, the NFL always seems to be in some kind of trouble. Yet no matter the drama, the TV networks keep showing games, the revenue keeps rising, and the viewers keep tuning in.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Disappointed.
- By S Werley on 03-22-22
By: Mike Florio
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Gridiron Genius
- By: Michael Lombardi, Bill Belichick - foreword
- Narrated by: Michael Lombardi
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 831
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 722
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 714
Former NFL general manager and three-time Super Bowl-winner Michael Lombardi reveals what makes football organizations tick at the championship level. From personnel to practice to game-day decisions that win titles, Lombardi shares what he learned working with coaching legends Bill Walsh of the 49ers, Al Davis of the Raiders, and Bill Belichick of the Patriots, among others, during his three decades in football.
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5 out of 5 stars
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please please hire a reader for this amazing book
- By Christopher J. Burden on 10-10-18
By: Michael Lombardi, and others
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The Football 100
- Sports Series, Book 1
- By: The Athletic, Dan Kaufman
- Narrated by: Jamie Lincoln Smith
- Length: 18 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 10
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 10
At The Athletic, home to the best newsroom in sports, this question would become a labor of love for dozens of the best football writers on the planet, including Mike Sando and Dan Pompei. Over the course of 100 riveting profiles—each drawing upon unparalleled access and superlative storytelling to offer intimate perspective on what made the greatest players tick—these writers reveal their findings. In the process, they also uncover the history of football.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great measuring tool
- By Pistol Pete on 04-20-24
By: The Athletic, and others
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The League
- How Five Rivals Created the NFL and Launched a Sports Empire
- By: John Eisenberg
- Narrated by: Daniel Thomas May
- Length: 11 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 278
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 253
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 253
The National Football League's current dominance has obscured how professional football got its start. In The League, John Eisenberg reveals that Art Rooney, George Halas, Tim Mara, George Preston Marshall, and Bert Bell took an immense risk by investing in the professional game. At that time, the sport barely registered on the national scene. The five owners succeeded only because at critical junctures in the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s, each sacrificed the short-term success of his team for the longer-term good of the League.
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5 out of 5 stars
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what a great book. loved it completely.
- By Daniel Mosca on 11-08-18
By: John Eisenberg
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The System
- The Glory and Scandal of Big-Time College Football
- By: Jeff Benedict, Armen Keteyian
- Narrated by: Mark Deakins
- Length: 17 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 503
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 437
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 439
College football has never been more popular - or more chaotic. Millions fill 100,000-seat stadiums every Saturday; tens of millions more watch on television every weekend. The 2013 Discover BCS National Championship game between Notre Dame and Alabama had a viewership of 26.4 million people, second only to the Super Bowl. Billions of dollars from television deals now flow into the game; the average budget for a top-ten team is $80 million; top coaches make more than $3 million a year; the highest paid, more than $5 million.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Gripping Inside Look at an Industry to Itself
- By W Perry Hall on 01-23-14
By: Jeff Benedict, and others
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Football Done Right
- Setting the Record Straight on the Coaches, Players, and History of the NFL
- By: Michael Lombardi
- Narrated by: Dan Woren, Michael Lombardi, Jim Nantz
- Length: 13 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 38
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 38
From Monday Night Football to Super Bowl Sunday, the NFL is a dominating force in the lives of millions of fans who tune in and passionately cheer for their favorite teams. And when the games are over, the conversation is just getting started. Who's the greatest player of all time? Which coaches truly shaped the game we known and love today? Why is professional football such an undeniable part of our culture? Three-time Super Bowl winner Michael Lombardi has done it all—from scout to executive to coach—and now he sets the record straight on these questions and more.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great overview on history. Not the best top 100 list.
- By Rajiv on 09-05-23
By: Michael Lombardi
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- By: Mike Florio
- Narrated by: Dan Woren
- Length: 12 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 231
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 194
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Story4 out of 5 stars 189
In recent decades, the NFL has simultaneously become an athletic, financial, and cultural powerhouse—and a League that can’t seem to go more than a few weeks without a scandal. Whether it’s about domestic violence, performance-enhancing drugs, racism, or head trauma, the NFL always seems to be in some kind of trouble. Yet no matter the drama, the TV networks keep showing games, the revenue keeps rising, and the viewers keep tuning in.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Disappointed.
- By S Werley on 03-22-22
By: Mike Florio
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Gridiron Genius
- By: Michael Lombardi, Bill Belichick - foreword
- Narrated by: Michael Lombardi
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 831
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 722
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 714
Former NFL general manager and three-time Super Bowl-winner Michael Lombardi reveals what makes football organizations tick at the championship level. From personnel to practice to game-day decisions that win titles, Lombardi shares what he learned working with coaching legends Bill Walsh of the 49ers, Al Davis of the Raiders, and Bill Belichick of the Patriots, among others, during his three decades in football.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
please please hire a reader for this amazing book
- By Christopher J. Burden on 10-10-18
By: Michael Lombardi, and others
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The Football 100
- Sports Series, Book 1
- By: The Athletic, Dan Kaufman
- Narrated by: Jamie Lincoln Smith
- Length: 18 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 10
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 10
At The Athletic, home to the best newsroom in sports, this question would become a labor of love for dozens of the best football writers on the planet, including Mike Sando and Dan Pompei. Over the course of 100 riveting profiles—each drawing upon unparalleled access and superlative storytelling to offer intimate perspective on what made the greatest players tick—these writers reveal their findings. In the process, they also uncover the history of football.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great measuring tool
- By Pistol Pete on 04-20-24
By: The Athletic, and others
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The League
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- Narrated by: Daniel Thomas May
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 278
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 253
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 253
The National Football League's current dominance has obscured how professional football got its start. In The League, John Eisenberg reveals that Art Rooney, George Halas, Tim Mara, George Preston Marshall, and Bert Bell took an immense risk by investing in the professional game. At that time, the sport barely registered on the national scene. The five owners succeeded only because at critical junctures in the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s, each sacrificed the short-term success of his team for the longer-term good of the League.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
what a great book. loved it completely.
- By Daniel Mosca on 11-08-18
By: John Eisenberg
-
The System
- The Glory and Scandal of Big-Time College Football
- By: Jeff Benedict, Armen Keteyian
- Narrated by: Mark Deakins
- Length: 17 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 503
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 437
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 439
College football has never been more popular - or more chaotic. Millions fill 100,000-seat stadiums every Saturday; tens of millions more watch on television every weekend. The 2013 Discover BCS National Championship game between Notre Dame and Alabama had a viewership of 26.4 million people, second only to the Super Bowl. Billions of dollars from television deals now flow into the game; the average budget for a top-ten team is $80 million; top coaches make more than $3 million a year; the highest paid, more than $5 million.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Gripping Inside Look at an Industry to Itself
- By W Perry Hall on 01-23-14
By: Jeff Benedict, and others
What listeners say about The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- J C
- 09-07-23
DP crushes it
I’ve listened to a lot of sports books but this had to be the funniest. Maybe one of the funniest anything books I’ve ever read/heard. Love the stuff about my Lions
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 12-02-23
Best Narrator Ever
6’ 200 lbs. Ding. I’m probably biased since I have been a fan of DP since Sportscenter but this is Dan at his snarky best. Will definitely listen to again.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Rob Montoya
- 04-13-24
Dan Patrick’s Voice - Iconic
I enjoy the Dan Patrick show. So, it’s no surprise that I like this book too. Dan is an interesting narrator and personality. He made the stories fun. Thanks for your passion Dan. I appreciate your work.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Bo Leah
- 09-19-23
Bo in Alabama. 6’1, 180. Hilarious satire and factual at the same time!
Dan et al do it right with this book. Much of the book is filled with fun puns and various fantastical factoids but at there are also real football facts. Great read/listen for any football fan! Dan does a great job reading it and listening to this book was so much fun. Highly recommend for a lighthearted and funny read!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Eileen M Gleason
- 10-27-23
Great listen
Dan you should look into doing audible reads I’d definitely listen and Marvin you should too
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- maryannbrooks
- 10-24-23
Struggle
I'm not certain where some of these reviews found humor, but I did not. I listen to DP everyday, he lost me on this one. It's not so much a waste of money as it is time lost
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- robyn
- 01-21-24
Dan Patrick
Dan Patrick is an absolute riot reading and laughing at his own jokes; absolutely recommend
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 11-11-23
A little confusing
The story wasn’t great. Was very hard to keep track of everything. I love DP but this wasn’t the best thing he did.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- DonnaF.
- 10-29-23
Fun & Somewhat Factual
This is a fun listen and a genre I hope more people write! Having fun with sports and telling stories is such a great use of the Audible format! Dan does a great job narrating this (with Marvin's help) that it is easy to listen too. Because it is stories, it is easy to re-listen to again and again.
If you like sports & can have fun with them then listen to this book!
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jacob
- 09-10-23
Great listen!!!
Funny and well written book with great narration. If your a sports or football fan, highly recommended!!!
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