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The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships | [Harriet Lerner]

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless.
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Publisher's Summary

While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless.

In this vivid, engaging and eminently wise work, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating meaningful and lasting change. The challenge of anger is at the heart of our struggle with intimacy, self-esteem, and joy. The Dance of Anger has inspired more "You changed my life" stories from both women and men than perhaps any other best seller on the American scene today.

©1985 Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.; (P)1997, 2004 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"An inspirational message for all women....Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation, as it is based on profound and lasting truths." (Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.8 (145 )
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3.7 (75 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Sharon Brea, CA, USA 04-28-03
    Sharon Brea, CA, USA 04-28-03
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very helpful audiobook"

    This book was recommended to me by my counselor and fortunately I found it on audible.com! My counselor said that she thought it was very psychologically sound and that kind of thing. As far as I know (I'm no psychologist however), that's right.

    The narrator (author) has a slight accent and her voice isn't exactly lively or full of enthusiasm, but it's certainly not boring once you listen to it for a while. I didn't fall asleep or start tuning out the narrator when I was listening.

    I found this book really interesting and helpful. It gave me a lot of insight on how to deal with anger and with people that I have conflicts with. It talks about relationships between couples a lot but I'm not married and I still found the advice helpful for dealing with family members, roommates (in college), and other people I know.

    For me, it was a book I had to take in small doses. I couldn't listen to it in consecutive days when I went running as I do with other audiobooks (primarily novels) because I needed time to digest things that I heard. Psychology isn't as easy for me to take in large doses as it is for me to take in novels and stories.

    Another thing is that I am a really visual learner and for a book like this, I would probably find it more helpful to read it in book form so I could highlight certain parts and go back to it when I need to later on. I don't usually listen to really information packed stuff and remember it all that well. But I'm still glad I bought the audiobook because it was a good way to get through the book quickly even though I can't remember all the advice I got from it. I got to listen to it all and maybe later I'll buy the book and then go back an reread it slowly, underlining stuff and processing it and applying it slowly. But who knows, maybe if I listen to it a couple times I'll be able to get it as ingrained into my system as I would by physically reading it.

    7 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ninip New York 08-20-03
    Ninip New York 08-20-03 Member Since 2002
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    "The Dance of Anger"

    This is probably a must-read (or must-listen) for every woman. As with all things in psychology, it is the study of the obvious, except that human beings don't see the obvious when it is right in front of our noses. I found it remarkably helpful, and will listen to it again.

    The book has different stories used as examples, and moves quickly. It is read by the author, who has a somewhat flat voice, but one could easily imagine sitting listening to her, a real person, giving a talk on this, and she often interjects comments which sound as if they are not in the script.

    After I heard this, I felt buoyant, because she so clearly described feelings that I have struggled with, and gave straightforward suggestions for dealing with those feelings. She is not talking about mental illness here, but about the way women in our society do not deal with anger in a way that helps us to better negotiate our lives. I thought her ideas and presentation were terrific.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Julie Mundelein, IL, United States 07-29-10
    Julie Mundelein, IL, United States 07-29-10
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    "Ok"

    I was interested in reading this book and while it had some useful information I found it rather dull. I also found the narrator voice to be irratating.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Nola New York, NY, United States 02-11-09
    Nola New York, NY, United States 02-11-09
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    "just got the tip of the iceberg here"

    I have not read the hard copy of this book, but I hope it is lengthier and weightier. This touches on some very important and useful concepts, but doesn't really delve too deeply. I will re-listen, but my feeling was - "is that all??" Also, apologies to the author, I found the narration to be less than great. She sounded like she may have taken a tranquilizer beforehand, or as if the tape was slowed down. A little distracting. Great concept and worthy of exploration, but this book is the beginning of that.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ann Vancouver,BC 12-24-08
    Ann Vancouver,BC 12-24-08 Member Since 2007
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    "Dance of Anger"

    The audio missed to much of the book to be understood. We need an unabridged version of the book.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lorraine Grass Valley, CA, USA 09-12-03
    Lorraine Grass Valley, CA, USA 09-12-03
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    "Only special"

    I was very, very, disappointed in this book for three reasons. The first was that I expected a more comprehensive coverage of causes of anger (after reading the description provided) and tools for coping with anger. This book almost exclusively addressed only two very specific sources of anger, either spousal (or significant other) or adult-child/parental relationships. This would have been fine had the description specified such, and not made it appear to be much more entailing. There are so many, many other daily reasons for anger in a woman's every day life (interestingly, there is absolutely no mention whatsoever of mother/teen daughter relationship anger, which is one of the most explosive relationships women experience). Also, the book almost exclusively seems to makes the determination that anger felt by women is caused by non-assertion (I found this particularly annoying/insulting) and that if we would assert ourselves more, or stop being over-emotional, our anger could be more easily controlled. Finally, at the end of the book, you learn that you must buy the printed book to take the "tests" recommended to learn courses of action (this made me feel particularly "duped"). I would not buy recommend this book at all.

    12 of 18 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ann 07-30-14
    Ann 07-30-14 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Need a better sounding Narrator"
    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    Yes, the printed book, but the audio needs another Narrator. The voice is very monotone and the Narrator sounds bored or almost scolding. Not very soothing voice.


    What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

    Very good points in this book!


    What three words best describe Harriet Lerner’s voice?

    Monotone
    Bored
    Scolding


    Do you think The Dance of Anger needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

    YEs, the information is very interesting!


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    AliaAlexandra CONCORD, NH, United States 03-11-13
    AliaAlexandra CONCORD, NH, United States 03-11-13 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Voice very irritating!"
    Would you try another book from Harriet Lerner and/or Harriet Lerner?

    While her thoughts made sense. The way it was projected caused more "anger"!
    This is a subject that should be transferred with a positive passion !!
    Not a drawl....
    If she is the Narrator, No I will not buy another.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Teresa Lee, NH, United States 02-07-13
    Teresa Lee, NH, United States 02-07-13
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    "good but missing the exercises"
    Where does The Dance of Anger rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    It was among my favorites


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    I liked the author's realistic perspective


    What three words best describe Harriet Lerner’s voice?

    authentic, unrehearsed, familiar


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    Many of the situations were familiar


    Any additional comments?

    I think it would be helpful to keep this in a rotation to listen to regularly. Very helpful advice.
    At the end of the audio she mentions exercises you could do, but they're not included in the audio version.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Danelle SAN FRANCISCO, CA, United States 01-17-13
    Danelle SAN FRANCISCO, CA, United States 01-17-13 Member Since 2012
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    "Not the whole book"
    What did you like best about The Dance of Anger? What did you like least?

    It is helpful, but does not cover the entire book. Her voice is ok, and she speaks slow enough, but once again, it does not cover the entire book


    If you’ve listened to books by Harriet Lerner before, how does this one compare?

    n/a


    How did the narrator detract from the book?

    .


    Do you think The Dance of Anger needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

    a complete book


    Any additional comments?

    no

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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