In this vivid, engaging and eminently wise work, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating meaningful and lasting change. The challenge of anger is at the heart of our struggle with intimacy, self-esteem, and joy. The Dance of Anger has inspired more "You changed my life" stories from both women and men than perhaps any other best seller on the American scene today.
©1985 Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.; (P)1997, 2004 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.
"An inspirational message for all women....Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation, as it is based on profound and lasting truths." (Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy)
This book was recommended to me by my counselor and fortunately I found it on audible.com! My counselor said that she thought it was very psychologically sound and that kind of thing. As far as I know (I'm no psychologist however), that's right.
The narrator (author) has a slight accent and her voice isn't exactly lively or full of enthusiasm, but it's certainly not boring once you listen to it for a while. I didn't fall asleep or start tuning out the narrator when I was listening.
I found this book really interesting and helpful. It gave me a lot of insight on how to deal with anger and with people that I have conflicts with. It talks about relationships between couples a lot but I'm not married and I still found the advice helpful for dealing with family members, roommates (in college), and other people I know.
For me, it was a book I had to take in small doses. I couldn't listen to it in consecutive days when I went running as I do with other audiobooks (primarily novels) because I needed time to digest things that I heard. Psychology isn't as easy for me to take in large doses as it is for me to take in novels and stories.
Another thing is that I am a really visual learner and for a book like this, I would probably find it more helpful to read it in book form so I could highlight certain parts and go back to it when I need to later on. I don't usually listen to really information packed stuff and remember it all that well. But I'm still glad I bought the audiobook because it was a good way to get through the book quickly even though I can't remember all the advice I got from it. I got to listen to it all and maybe later I'll buy the book and then go back an reread it slowly, underlining stuff and processing it and applying it slowly. But who knows, maybe if I listen to it a couple times I'll be able to get it as ingrained into my system as I would by physically reading it.
This is probably a must-read (or must-listen) for every woman. As with all things in psychology, it is the study of the obvious, except that human beings don't see the obvious when it is right in front of our noses. I found it remarkably helpful, and will listen to it again.
The book has different stories used as examples, and moves quickly. It is read by the author, who has a somewhat flat voice, but one could easily imagine sitting listening to her, a real person, giving a talk on this, and she often interjects comments which sound as if they are not in the script.
After I heard this, I felt buoyant, because she so clearly described feelings that I have struggled with, and gave straightforward suggestions for dealing with those feelings. She is not talking about mental illness here, but about the way women in our society do not deal with anger in a way that helps us to better negotiate our lives. I thought her ideas and presentation were terrific.
I was interested in reading this book and while it had some useful information I found it rather dull. I also found the narrator voice to be irratating.
I have not read the hard copy of this book, but I hope it is lengthier and weightier. This touches on some very important and useful concepts, but doesn't really delve too deeply. I will re-listen, but my feeling was - "is that all??" Also, apologies to the author, I found the narration to be less than great. She sounded like she may have taken a tranquilizer beforehand, or as if the tape was slowed down. A little distracting. Great concept and worthy of exploration, but this book is the beginning of that.
I was very, very, disappointed in this book for three reasons. The first was that I expected a more comprehensive coverage of causes of anger (after reading the description provided) and tools for coping with anger. This book almost exclusively addressed only two very specific sources of anger, either spousal (or significant other) or adult-child/parental relationships. This would have been fine had the description specified such, and not made it appear to be much more entailing. There are so many, many other daily reasons for anger in a woman's every day life (interestingly, there is absolutely no mention whatsoever of mother/teen daughter relationship anger, which is one of the most explosive relationships women experience). Also, the book almost exclusively seems to makes the determination that anger felt by women is caused by non-assertion (I found this particularly annoying/insulting) and that if we would assert ourselves more, or stop being over-emotional, our anger could be more easily controlled. Finally, at the end of the book, you learn that you must buy the printed book to take the "tests" recommended to learn courses of action (this made me feel particularly "duped"). I would not buy recommend this book at all.
I am from a large family of 11 people. Lots of big personalities. This book is so helpful to help understand how to manage yourself in a difficult group without compromising yourself. I will listen to this book 2 or 3 more times. Every page was a gem.
I'm a writer and a yoga teacher with a Masters in English Literature.
I don't read that many "self help" style books, so it's in its own category. But I still think about its lessons all the time, and I think it really helped me figure out some things in my own life and patterns, which I think is kind of amazing.
It's a little like Mating in Captivity--another book on relationships that brings together psychological studies and the experiences of the therapist. But I just remember the one major idea from the first book (space is sexy), and I think the Dance of Anger gave me a lot of different tools--what anger is doing for me, how to figure out the difference between which problems are mine and which are yours, and how to access my power again in any situation.
I don't remember too much about the narration, which I think is a good thing. I think she did give it a conversational tone, which is nice.
"Whose problem is this?" When you get mad or have a fight, piece apart which things are about your past, your emotions, and your actions, and which belong to the other person. It helps remind you of what you have control over and what you don't, and to take responsibility for your own emotions and actions while still communicating with kindness.
It was written in a different time--I think relationships have changed a lot with feminism since the '80s. But we still have the same problems, and the book is definitely still very relevant. I recommend it to all my friends--even the guys, who I think would really benefit from the lessons in here too.
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