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Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1 | [Nathan Long]

Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1

Jane Carver is nobody's idea of a space princess. A hard-ridin', hard-lovin' biker chick and ex-Airborne Ranger, Jane is as surprised as anyone else when, on the run from the law, she ducks into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt-naked on an exotic alien planet light-years away from everything she's ever known. Waar is a savage world of four-armed tiger-men, sky-pirates, slaves, gladiators, and purple-skinned warriors in thrall to a bloodthirsty code of honor and chivalry.
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Audible Editor Reviews

When tough-talking biker babe Jane Carver accidentally deals a death blow to the unfortunate guy who gropes her outside a California biker bar, she makes a run for it - and wakes up naked on an alien planet called Waar. Thus begins Nathan Long's Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1, a hilarious satire on the ribald, retro space fantasies of the 20th century. Soon, Jane's hopelessly wrapped up in bizarre adventures on this planet of sky-pirates and gladiators, including a bid to help a fallen nobleman win back his sexy space princess. Listeners will be bewitched by actress Dina Pearlman's portrayal of Jane, whose Marlboro-cured voice and confident panache makes her swashbuckling space adventures a delightful listen.

Publisher's Summary

Jane Carver is nobody's idea of a space princess. A hard-ridin', hard-lovin' biker chick and ex-Airborne Ranger, Jane is as surprised as anyone else when, on the run from the law, she ducks into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt-naked on an exotic alien planet light-years away from everything she's ever known. Waar is a savage world of four-armed tiger-men, sky-pirates, slaves, gladiators, and purple-skinned warriors in thrall to a bloodthirsty code of honor and chivalry. Caught up in a disgraced nobleman's quest to win back the hand of a sexy alien princess, Jane encounters bizarre wonders and dangers unlike anything she ever ran into back home. Then again, Waar has never seen anyone like Jane before.

Both a loving tribute and scathing parody of the swashbuckling space fantasies of yore, Jane Carver of Waar introduces an unforgettable new science-fiction heroine. Nathan Long is a screen and prose writer with two movies, a Saturday-morning adventure series, and several TV episodes to his name. His official website is: www.sabrepunk.com.

©2012 Nathan Long (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.8 (355 )
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4.3 (317 )
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2 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Zulu 07-29-13
    Zulu 07-29-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun and Entertaining"

    Jane Carver is on the run from the police and is suddenly transported to another world. She is a funny, smart cracking biker chick who can take care of herself and tells of her adventures when she becomes involved in helping the sole survivor of a kidnapping to get back his bride to be. It's a roller coaster of a ride with twists and turns from beginning to end in a fascinating world vastly different from our own.

    The narrator was terrific and put life into Jane Carver's adventures.

    Looking forward to listening to the sequel.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jim "The Impatient" Springfield, MO, United States 05-16-15
    Jim "The Impatient" Springfield, MO, United States 05-16-15 Member Since 2015

    I will listen to NO boring book. Old Fav's,Card, King , Hobb. New Fav's, Hill, Scalzi, Sawyer, Interested in Lansdale, Crouch, Konrath

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "IT WAS OVER IN 5 SECONDS, BUT SO IS A CAR WRECK"

    SOMEBODY HIT ME WITH A BUILDING
    This is one excellent book. Most of the book is hilarious. It is entertaining from start to finish. Not once did I go BACK AND FORTH ON IT SO MUCH IT MADE A TRENCH IN MY BRAIN.
    Even if you have not read Princess of Mars, you will love this book, but if you have read it, then it will be even funnier. Besides being funny, it is adventurous, smart and fast paced. Toward the end of the book, it does become a little dark. Long's writing is so good and your investment in the main character is so strong that you will feel her pain. I am an old pervert, but the scene where she is manhandled in front of a crowd, had me spitting nails. She gets angry, but must hold it in and your HEART WILL THUMP LIKE A FROG IN A BREAD BOX. I think my face got red. The main character is a 6ft tall biker chick, who has had run ins with the law. When she says AS SMUG AS A GEORGIA STATE TROOPER or OUR CABIN WAS AS SMALL AS AN ARKANSAS JAIL CELL, she is speaking from experience. Yet, she has morals and she has humility. She is loaded with humility and you will want her to win. There is a plot and twists. Just when think things are going alright, something will happen to make life more complicated.

    HEAVEN IS AN ETERNAL BLOW JOB
    There is some sex in the story, mostly toward the end, but it is all necessary to the story. Matter of fact you will be routing for the main character to get laid. Long's sexual descriptions of the characters leaves enough for your imagination. He mentions the men wearing these male stripper type loin clothes and that their was no mistake that they were male and that is it. A female pirate is flat chested, but has a behind that would make Lopez look flat and the pirate wears tight leggings. That is all that is said and you can fill in the rest. Their are two characters that swing both ways.

    LAYING ON THE CHARM WITH A TROWEL
    Long's descriptive language is pop culture and constant. I don't know how this will play out one hundred years from now, but for me now, it does a great job of setting the scene without long flowery, put you to sleep language. Here are just some of the examples: A PEPSI BLUE SKY. A SUSHI SUNRISE, RAW AND PINK. HIS FACE SAGGED LIKE SOMEONE PULLED THE BONES OUT OF IT. THE WHISPERING SOUNDED LIKE A HUNDRED SKILLETS FRYING BACON. SAI LOOKED AS RELIEVED AS A GUY FINDING OUT IT'S NOT HERPES AFTER ALL. HE WAS FROWNING LIKE A CHEERLEADER TAKING A MATH TEST. If someone tells you it was A PEPSI BLUE SKY, can you not quick and easily picture that in your head?

    THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A CHURCH TO F/U A GOOD RELIGION.
    Long makes some quick political jabs, that may go over some heads. He does not drone or speechify on any of it. It is quick and over. He made either one or two statements that were anti-gun. Quick and easy, no pain. I loved this book and will get the sequel and look for more from this author.

    Pearlman is a professional and does a five star performance. I do have to mention, that I had just finished listening to Ray Porter do a Joe ledger book and felt Pearlman could work on her timing just a little. This is such a unique book and unique female character, that she could not have had much practice doing this type of book. The female lead in this book, is very similar to Joe Ledger and makes the same type of jokes.




    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Teresa NAMPA, ID, United States 05-11-15
    Teresa NAMPA, ID, United States 05-11-15 Member Since 2014

    Hello, my name is Teresa and I'm an addict.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Same story only added modern dayisms."

    I must be the only one who read this parody and thought there wasn't that much difference than with John Carter, except that it is a girl and there are more modern day comparisons. Two hours into it and while the story wasn't bad, I did not see the humor that all the other reviewers saw. Maybe I just didn't pay that much attention in the original story that I didn't catch the nuances that made this version funny. I will not be continue on with this story since I have already read most of the original version and this just felt like a cheap knock off. So with nothing new to offer and I know the ending this is the end for me, I'm glad I got this with a sale. Narrator did a good job she is very clear and understandable and with science fiction book that is a must since there is so many unusual names, she does make this book rate better.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer benson, AZ, United States 01-07-15
    Amazon Customer benson, AZ, United States 01-07-15 Member Since 2012

    Aging hippie

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Good, Clean (mostly) Fun"

    First off, don't avoid this book because you haven't read "John Carter of Mars". This book stands quite well on it's own. I only tried to read that book after enjoying "Jane" so much, but in comparison "John" is rather boring. (personal opinion, ymmv).

    This author has taken the blue-print provided by "John Carter of Mars" and sculpted a very entertaining read. It is rather like comparing black & white movies with technicolor. The original will always be referred to as "classic" but reinterpretations can add detail, flavor and nuance to improve the trope.

    "Jane" has brought humor as well as a well fleshed out (in both senses) female character to the table. Read it, it's just plain fun.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Carol Scott 12-24-14
    Carol Scott 12-24-14 Member Since 2015

    critterden

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    "very good hack and slay. clean, some swearing"
    Would you consider the audio edition of Jane Carver of Waar to be better than the print version?

    don't know did not read it yet. but loved the audio.


    What about Dina Pearlman’s performance did you like?

    easy to sit back and do other things while the book is on ( housework). lol her voice is easy on the ears.


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    When Jane gets back to Earth. and wants to go back. at first she thinks she has been sent to...??? .lol


    Any additional comments?

    try it

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sherry Daly City, CA, United States 11-22-14
    Sherry Daly City, CA, United States 11-22-14 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Not ashamed to 'read' this book.."
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I would have to select the right person to read this book, they'd really have to have an open mind and a great sense of humor


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Jane Carver of Waar?

    I just love when she returns to Waar and is totally willing to give up on our not so interesting world here


    Have you listened to any of Dina Pearlman’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    Dina is always a strong voice but, I always seem to associate her with Jane. It's just such a unique character


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    Too many laughs to count!


    Any additional comments?

    Just 'do it' and listen to Jane talk about her adventures...Hysterical from a woman's viewpoint of some wimpy Dudes-exposed...

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Juan Hernandez 11-16-14

    Books books books

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    "HOW FREAKING FUN"

    Loved every word spoken to tell this story. Mistress J is a hoot on to book 2

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jane 08-30-14
    Jane 08-30-14
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    "I'm in love with a Big Pink Biker Chick!"
    Would you listen to Jane Carver of Waar again? Why?

    I loved this Series. I usually don't read Sci-Fi, but this sucked me in from the beginning.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Jane Carver of Waar?

    Mr Long has written the most kick ass heroine. Her voice is so funny and real. Throw me into another world and I would be letting the F bombs go too.


    What does Dina Pearlman bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    The performance of Ms. Pearlman is is perfect. That rough voice and her sarcastic delivery is right on.


    Any additional comments?

    Mr. Long and Ms. Pearlman make a wonderful combination. Funny, funny, funny!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rebecca Cedaredge, CO, USA 08-03-14
    Rebecca Cedaredge, CO, USA 08-03-14 Member Since 2011

    I read like a madwoman all my life but now I have bad eyes. Thank goodness for audio books

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Jane is not one of my heroines"
    What did you like best about Jane Carver of Waar? What did you like least?

    It started out interesting but fizzled for me. Jane is not someone I am attracted to I guess I did not relate to her and did not find her interesting.


    Was Jane Carver of Waar worth the listening time?

    Some might like it I just quit after a while.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tamara Vista, CA, United States 12-09-14
    Tamara Vista, CA, United States 12-09-14 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
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    "Grammar Nazis Avoid!"

    I can deal with language variances for "aliens and other races" but a gal from L.A. using "me" improperly (ie: "me and him went and did xyz") got very old, quite fast ... perhaps if her dialog was completely askew it wouldn't have been so intolerable /shrugs

    Personally, I felt like the narrator was yelling at me the entire book. I had to take breaks strictly for this reason.

    FYI

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
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