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Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1 | [Nathan Long]

Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1

Jane Carver is nobody's idea of a space princess. A hard-ridin', hard-lovin' biker chick and ex-Airborne Ranger, Jane is as surprised as anyone else when, on the run from the law, she ducks into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt-naked on an exotic alien planet light-years away from everything she's ever known. Waar is a savage world of four-armed tiger-men, sky-pirates, slaves, gladiators, and purple-skinned warriors in thrall to a bloodthirsty code of honor and chivalry.
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Audible Editor Reviews

When tough-talking biker babe Jane Carver accidentally deals a death blow to the unfortunate guy who gropes her outside a California biker bar, she makes a run for it - and wakes up naked on an alien planet called Waar. Thus begins Nathan Long's Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1, a hilarious satire on the ribald, retro space fantasies of the 20th century. Soon, Jane's hopelessly wrapped up in bizarre adventures on this planet of sky-pirates and gladiators, including a bid to help a fallen nobleman win back his sexy space princess. Listeners will be bewitched by actress Dina Pearlman's portrayal of Jane, whose Marlboro-cured voice and confident panache makes her swashbuckling space adventures a delightful listen.

Publisher's Summary

Jane Carver is nobody's idea of a space princess. A hard-ridin', hard-lovin' biker chick and ex-Airborne Ranger, Jane is as surprised as anyone else when, on the run from the law, she ducks into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt-naked on an exotic alien planet light-years away from everything she's ever known. Waar is a savage world of four-armed tiger-men, sky-pirates, slaves, gladiators, and purple-skinned warriors in thrall to a bloodthirsty code of honor and chivalry. Caught up in a disgraced nobleman's quest to win back the hand of a sexy alien princess, Jane encounters bizarre wonders and dangers unlike anything she ever ran into back home. Then again, Waar has never seen anyone like Jane before.

Both a loving tribute and scathing parody of the swashbuckling space fantasies of yore, Jane Carver of Waar introduces an unforgettable new science-fiction heroine. Nathan Long is a screen and prose writer with two movies, a Saturday-morning adventure series, and several TV episodes to his name. His official website is: www.sabrepunk.com.

©2012 Nathan Long (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.8 (355 )
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4.3 (317 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Share Faerber St. Louis, MO, US 07-20-13
    Share Faerber St. Louis, MO, US 07-20-13 Member Since 2015

    I am an artist and I love to listen to books while I work. Books have always been an important part of my life. Audible Rocks!

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    "What a hoot! Never Stopps being fun."

    Not laugh out loud funny but amusing all of the way. The action never stops! It makes you wish Jane was real and really sent those tapes to Nathan. I just downloaded the next book. Bravo! I think I just found a new favorite for my author list!!! Narration was excellent also!

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jeffrey B. 04-13-14
    Jeffrey B. 04-13-14 Member Since 2015
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    "Outstanding in all aspects"
    What made the experience of listening to Jane Carver of Waar the most enjoyable?

    Good story, moved quickly and elicited enough laughs. Excellent narration which brought Jane to life. I never thought I was not listening to her real story. I couldn't wait to get back in my car to keep listening and was disappointed when the story ended.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Jane. Just seemed real.


    What about Dina Pearlman’s performance did you like?

    Excellent, excellent, excellent.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Absolutely, If I had the time.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David Sausalito, CA, United States 09-01-13
    David Sausalito, CA, United States 09-01-13
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    "I have a man-crush on Jane Carver!"
    Where does Jane Carver of Waar rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    It ranks pretty high, I'd say somewhere in the top 20. I was skeptical of this book at first but after reading all the positive reviews I decided to take a chance and I'm glad I did. The story is full of action and the characters are well defined and likeable.


    What did you like best about this story?

    I like the fact that a woman was the protagonist. A lot of writers use male protagonist to play the hero/tough guy but Nathan Long went with a chick and he pulled it off. Jane Carver is a believable "tuff-muff" but there's a soft side to her as well. Jane can kick-ass when she needs to and other times she can be a shoulder to cry on. She's a very likeable character. To be honest with you, I would pay good money to have Jane Carver tie me up and just beat and the crap out of me....oh yeah!


    Which scene was your favorite?

    I won't give away too much but my favorite scene, if I have to pick one, it would probably be the biker bar scene in the beginning of book where Jane gets into a fight with the biker dude. That's all I'm going to say to avoid giving too much away.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    How'bout, "Dude looks like a lady". I don't know


    Any additional comments?

    This is a pretty good book with a storyline that flows nicely. I'm sure I will listen to book 2 soon. It's a fun book to pass some time and I recommend it to anyone who's interested in sy/fy-fantasy or anyone interested in large breasted amazon women kicking butt.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Church 07-03-13
    Church 07-03-13 Member Since 2009

    I am a web professional who loves reading but life doesn't afford enough time if you are living at the speed of the internet. Audio books were my salvation. I love Science Fiction first and foremost, then Fantasy, and then anything else I can find that sounds interesting.

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    "Thought I wouldn't like it..."
    What did you like best about this story?

    I loved the parody of Burroughs work. It was one of the better audiobooks I have listened to this year (if listened to with a view towards its humor). I can't wait to listen to the rest of the series.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    No, I went for a few days without to it; however, it's still a great story.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Cloned3 RVA USA 06-17-13
    Cloned3 RVA USA 06-17-13 Member Since 2015

    cloned3xys

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    "Loved it."
    Would you consider the audio edition of Jane Carver of Waar to be better than the print version?

    If there is another Jane Carver I sure would.


    What did you like best about this story?

    The dialog was great and different.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Not in one sitting but I listened to it in longer sessions than I normally did.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Eric Everett, WA, United States 11-20-12
    Eric Everett, WA, United States 11-20-12 Member Since 2015
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    "A Good Surprise"

    Have to say this was a good listen, the characters are interesting the story is good and is it worth the money or credit to get. I see their is some resemblance to the John Carter movie, but in my opinion this book is far more interesting and I hope people will give this book a chance they will be pleasantly surprised.

    5 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Dieter HAM LAKE,US 02-25-13
    Dieter HAM LAKE,US 02-25-13
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    "Go Jane, and kick some a......"

    The heroine reminds me of a couple of people long in my past. This story reminds me of books from Norman and Burroughs. How nice it is to hear them mixed together.

    I thoroughly enjoyed the mix and have already purchased the second installment.

    4 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jefferson 10-27-14
    Jefferson 10-27-14 Member Since 2010

    I love reading and listening to books, especially fantasy, science fiction, children's, historical, and classics.

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    "Bad-Ass Biker Chick on Barsoom, er Waar, er Earth!"

    Ex-Airborne Ranger Jane Carver, a "bad-ass biker chick," has a reform-school past, a two-strike prison record, and a problem with authority. She has sent Hollywood screenwriter Jason Long her true story on cassette tapes, offering to let him publish it and split any profits 50-50. Long tells us that Jane (not her real name) is about 6'2" with broad shoulders and "rugged good looks." Her story begins when she accidentally kills a sexually harassing jerk and, while fleeing the police, hides in a cave, touches a strange artifact, and is teleported to another world, aptly named Waar, populated as it is by fearsome predators and bellicose humanoids. Witnessing a massacre perpetrated by one faction of purple people on another, she befriends the survivor, Sai-Far, whose betrothed Wen-Jhai, daughter of the ruler of Ora, the greatest nation on Waar, has just been bride-napped by a powerful rival, Kedac-Zir. Thus begins Jane's pulpy adventure, involving "savage" four-armed, lizard-tailed, dread-locked tiger-centaurs, "civilized," purple-skinned, hyphen-named people, and a non-stop series of raids, brawls, duels, death matches, battles, disguises, pursuits, captures, incarcerations, enslavements, entertainments, amorous advances, romance counselings, and more as she tries to help the gormless and spineless Sai reunite with his true love so he may marry her so that her father may grant Jane access to another artifact with which to return to earth where she believes she wants to be.

    Needless to say, Long is affectionately riffing on Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter. Both A Princess of Mars (1917) and Jane Carver of Waar (2012) begin with the reality-claiming conceit that the heroes have given their first person stories to the authors. Both heroes wake up naked on an alien world where they have super strength and jumping ability due to earth's stronger gravity. Both encounter exotic and dangerous flora and fauna and bad organized religions. Both catalyze Big Events. Both become caught up in page-turning action that devolves into absurdity if you catch your breath and coldly examine it. (The frenetic fun of Long's book is signaled by the one-word exclamation-marked titles of the chapters, like "Hunted!" "Monsters!" and "Captives!")

    That said, Long is not rewriting A Princess of Mars with a female lead. For one thing, he avoids what was one of the most interesting parts of John Carter's life on Barsoom (learning the local language) by having the artifact that transports Jane to Waar automatically make her fluent in Sai's tongue. Unlike John Carter, Jane adventures not to win her own true love but to help another person win his. For that matter, while John Carter is heterosexual, Jane is a "switch hitter," and Long explores gender and sexuality more than Burroughs. Although Burroughs seems preoccupied with race (red, black, white, yellow, and green Martians), he elides the vile nature of slavery (John Carter having been on earth the "good" master of white myth beloved by his slaves), while Long explores it. And Jane (at first) has a humane reaction to killing, unlike John Carter.

    The biggest difference between Burroughs/Carter and Long/Carver lies in their writing styles. The "swamp trash country girl" Jane has a cruder and more colloquial voice than John Carter, one that comically jars with the "elegant" speech of the local nobles. Jane: "I just saved your life, pal. I'll talk to you anyway I damn well please." Sai: "Tease me not, tormentor." Long also inundates Jane's narration with American pop culture references, especially similes, as in "It looked like the inside of Liberace's brain with Elvis doing the catering." Jane similarly alludes to Ty-D-Bol, the Jolly Green Giant (twice!), Angeline Jolie, Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Bond, Luke Skywalker, Frankenstein, Spider-Man, Porky Pig, Wile E. Coyote, Xena, Hulk Hogan, Justin Beiber, Elton John, Arkansas jail cells, Johnny Cochrane, Andre Agassi, Mark McGwire (twice!), the Packers (twice!), linebackers (thrice!), cheerleaders, CIA cover-ups, Larry Flynt, and more, with the result that Long's novel seems very much of its culture and era, while Burroughs' work, lacking such allusions, feels more universal and timeless. (Surprisingly, she never compares anything to John Carter.)

    Some references/similes seem neat: "The silver of the rooftops against the deep black of the alleys made it all look like some huge, cubist black-velvet painting." Some seem lame: "It was as beautiful as a movie." Some seem more Long than Jane, e.g., vintage references to the likes of Steve Reeves, Clark Gable, Mae West, Heckle and Jeckle, and '50s hotrod magazines and coarse and sexist references like, "I was sweating like a whore on dollar day." Jane's language is much raunchier than John Carter's, as with "Where the f*ck have you dumped me now, you f*cking f*cks?" Given her character, that's understandable, but at times I felt that when Long's female characters talk about sex they sound like male fantasies of women rather than like real women. Jane describes light and graphic porno tableaux and often feels horny, and a female pirate captain says, "Right now I need a fat c*ck to fill my c*nt and empty my brain," while a noble woman says, "Oh yes! Harder! Don't stop! By the Seven, don't stop!" Finally, the problem is that the many pop culture references decrease the exotic experience of another world and its alien culture by making them too vividly recall ours.

    The reader, Dina Pearlman, does a fine job, modifying her voice slightly for different characters, speaking clearly and convincingly. And she does a great villain-laugh.

    Jane Carver of Waar (2012) is a fun, guilty pleasure that I'd only recommend to fans of the John Carter books or of female fantasy/sf characters who kick ass and talk dirty.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Connor 06-09-13
    Connor 06-09-13 Member Since 2011

    Enjoy the adventure

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    "A Fun Book!"

    Totally enjoyed listening to Jane Carver. Glad I finally listened to a Barbarian Queen fantasy book. Caution; Violence, Language and Nudity

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    William Emerson, MB, Canada 08-31-12
    William Emerson, MB, Canada 08-31-12 Member Since 2010
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    "Great Read"

    I enjoyed the SF adventure, I didn't put it down till I finished it!
    I hope there are more books to come with Jane.

    4 of 6 people found this review helpful
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