• Once upon a Time, Bitches

  • Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story
  • By: Branden LaNette
  • Narrated by: Branden LaNette
  • Length: 2 hrs and 16 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (27 ratings)

Prime logo Prime members: New to Audible?
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Pick 1 audiobook a month from our unmatched collection.
Listen all you want to thousands of included audiobooks, Originals, and podcasts.
Access exclusive sales and deals.
Premium Plus auto-renews for $14.95/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.
Once upon a Time, Bitches  By  cover art

Once upon a Time, Bitches

By: Branden LaNette
Narrated by: Branden LaNette
Try for $0.00

$14.95/month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy for $6.20

Buy for $6.20

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's summary

Hi, I’m Branden. That is me on the cover. Yes, I have a boy’s name, a mom bod, and the tattoos are not photoshopped.

Once upon a time, I realized we all have a story, we all have a struggle, and happiness is relative. I am not cynical or hardened, I am just stating the facts.

Here’s the deal:

  • Prince Charming doesn’t exist.
  • Fairy godmother is drunk.
  • Glass slippers don't come with two-day Prime shipping from Amazon.

There is no magic fairy tale, but if you work at it enough, you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happy ending. The best part is, in life, you can continue to make edits until that shit reads exactly how you want it to.

You may not agree with everything I say in this book, but the most important takeaway is that you have to be your own f--king hero. No more damsel locked in a tower, bullshit. That ends now.

Join me as I take you through my seven magical maxims for creating a fairy tale life. I know what you are thinking: Branden, no one gets a fairy tale life. Can you stop being so damn cynical for two seconds and just go with this?

Is it possible to design a fairy tale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? I believe you can, and that’s why, I wrote this book. I am going to make you a little uncomfortable. Back out now, if you aren't ready.

Shit is about to get real bitches...

Now, scroll up, hit the "buy now" button, pour a glass of wine, and start listening!

©2019 Branden LaNette (P)2019 Branden LaNette

More from the same

Love Books? You'll Love Audible.

Placeholder Image Alt Text

Transform your day

Replace endless scrolling with endless listening. Chores can be fun.

Placeholder Image Alt Text

Listen everywhere

Download titles to listen offline, wherever you are in the world.

Placeholder Image Alt Text

Carry your entire Library

Your stories go where you go. Audiobooks don’t weigh a thing.

Placeholder Image Alt Text

Listen and learn

Discover stories that can change your mind, your well-being, and your life.

Placeholder Image Alt Text

Reach your reading goals

You can’t turn pages while you drive—but you can press play.

Placeholder Image Alt Text

Find your niche

WIth thousands of titles to explore, there’s something for everyone.

Try for $0.00 $14.95 a month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

What listeners say about Once upon a Time, Bitches

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    23
  • 4 Stars
    1
  • 3 Stars
    2
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    0
Performance
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    21
  • 4 Stars
    2
  • 3 Stars
    0
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    0
Story
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    21
  • 4 Stars
    2
  • 3 Stars
    1
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Incredible everytime I read it!

This is a powerful book that I share with everyone joining my team! The book itself is incredible but to listening to Branden read the book really makes the book come alive.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Sit Down and Listen, WITH YOUR HEART

I couldn't put this audible down. I thought this would be my morning book for at least a week, but Branden's words were too good to put on pause. She has a compassion in her writing that I've never experienced. I could tell that every word, every inflection was intentional. She has a heart of gold and it shows in this book. Thank you Branden for sharing your story and inspiring me. The universe doesn't do things to us, it does things for us!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Highly Recommend!

Ready for some real talk? Ready to get off your ass and DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE? Then this book is for you!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

You have the power!

Perfect read for a delayed flight. Happiness & joy - you have to make a choice.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

a friend telling you what you need to hear

I've read the book but it's different to hear someone read it. it's like a good friend telling you what you need.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

What an Incredible and Powerful Woman!

I am blown away by the life experience, level of love, and openness of this author. What a real and very refreshing breathing breath of fresh air. This book gives me hope that there are beautiful and courageous women out there who aren’t fake and truly have a heart of GOLD. I’m actually in awe of how you could have gone through all of this and still have such an incredible attitude and seek to give more to humanity.

Thank you, Branden!
You are a RocKStar!
Leo

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

great book

this is one of the most honest books I have listened to.
Love it from beginning to the end.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Too many F words

The book warned about strong language, so I knew about it. But oh boy there were just too many swearing to give this book 5 stars. A great story and loved it otherwise. Still the language was just too much, when almost every sentence has an F word in it.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!