When Elves Attack

A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State

By: Tim Dorsey

Narrated by: Oliver Wyman

Length: 5 hrs and 2 mins

Publisher's summary

I’m dreaming of a Serge Christmas...
Palm trees with twinkle lights...
Santa’s big belly protruding over a neon Speedo....

It’s ho, ho, ho time in this hilarious and wacky Florida holiday tale, featuring bighearted psychopath Serge Storms and his sidekick, Coleman. Like Santa, Serge knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Few can give with the generosity and creativity of Serge, and as December 24 rolls around, he is filling up the Serge sleigh with an unforgettable bag of presents.

But before that, it’s all a big free-range Christmas office party, where Serge will be spreading his special cheer. And there’s that last-minute go-for-broke spree at the mall (just beware of those attacking elves - they bite). While you’re there, skip the lame photo on Santa’s lap - Serge will give you a lap ride you’ll never forget. As for that addled elf Coleman, there’s nothing like a white Christmas. Let it snow!

So grab a six-pack, spike the eggnog, and hit the dunes on the beach as Serge and Coleman roast some nuts on an open fire and prove that reindeer really do know how to fly!

©2011 Tim Dorsey (P)2011 HarperCollinsPublishers

I just can't get past the terrible narrator.

I listened to about four of Dorsey's audiobooks. This one was atrocious and a pain to listen to. I think I listened to the first hour and just could not take it any more. I don't know whether the story is good. A narrator can make the story interesting but this narrator is horrible.

Not What I Expected

I bought this book because Audible recommended it under the mystery/thriller genre in their festive seasonal suggestions. Previous reviews said that this book was laugh out loud hilarious but I didn't laugh once, which was a huge disappointment. I listened to almost all of it - about 30 minutes from the end - when I just couldn't take it anymore and gave up. The performance by Oliver Wyman was fine, it didn't hurt or really help. I wouldn't recommend this book.

A Funny Title...

but the book doesn't live up to it. The narrator used a very annoying voice for the main character. It sounded like he recorded it in a normal voice and upped the speed. I almost never comment on a book that I did not finish, but I could not make myself listen to the end. I often found my mind wandering.

The author has real sexism issues. Just...so many.

It makes me sad to write this because, for awhile, I was a really big fan... but then I listened to this again and I noticed the awful sexism in not just this one but all this man's books. If I had a quarter for every woman 'character' that's either stupid, a 'shrill brow beater' or a victim, I'd have... god, just so many quarters. I can't think of single one who actually came across like a person, the closest one was still a sex object for Serge to bang. So... yeah. Unless Tim Dorsey learns women are people and aren't 'some weird foreign species that men will never fully understand and need to share manuals with each other to handle', I'd honestly give the whole series a miss if that kind of attitude bothers you.

The performance of all these books with Oliver Wyman is amazing though, I'd suggest checking his work out... not here.