-
This Book Is Full of Spiders
- Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It (John Dies at the End, Book 2)
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 14 hrs and 49 mins
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Publisher's summary
From David Wong, the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.
Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR.
You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature stimulates skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed.
Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.
"Like an episode of AMC's "The Walking Dead" written by Douglas Adams of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." …Imagine a mentally ill narrator describing the zombie apocalypse while drunk, and the end result is unlike any other book of the genre. Seriously, dude, touch it and read it." –Washington Post
"Kevin Smith's Clerks meets H.P. Lovecraft in this exceptional thriller… David Wong (Jason Pargin) is a fantastic author with a supernatural talent for humor. If you want a poignant, laugh-out-loud funny, disturbing, ridiculous, self-aware, socially relevant horror novel than This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It is the one and only book for you." –SF Signal
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The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
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really refreshing, can't wait for more
- By riley on 05-13-22
By: Matthew Howry
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The Mayor of Noobtown
- By: Ryan Rimmel
- Narrated by: Johnathan McClain
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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After dying and being reborn into a world that's built like a video game, Jim has found himself stuck in a very old-world style new-player zone for low-level adventurers. Unfortunately, the zone fell out of use centuries ago, and no one told the monsters they were supposed to take it easy on the Noobs. Even worse, the only new player around is Jim. Jim has been given an opportunity, and he'll do his best to take advantage of it.
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Like the land but actually finishes story lines.
- By Kaz on 09-03-19
By: Ryan Rimmel
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Morningwood: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.1)
- By: Neven Iliev
- Narrated by: Jeff Hays
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Large chests are said to encompass all manner of hopes and dreams. Men covet them. Women envy them. But one fact holds true - everyone wants to get their hands on some big ones. The same holds true for one intrepid adventurer - a strapping young lad by the name of Himmel. Armed with his grandfather's trusty longsword and the dream of being the strongest, he sets out on the journey of a lifetime!
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Really Entertaining
- By HeatherY on 11-23-17
By: Neven Iliev
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack
- Books 1-2
- By: D.M. Guay
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 19 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack features two books from the 24/7 Demon Mart series: The Graveyard Shift, book one, and Monster Burger, book two. It also includes the bonus Hell for the Holidays, a 24/7 Demon Mart Christmas special. Lloyd Wallace is the most clueless crossing guard the intersection of hell and earth has ever seen. So clueless, that he doesn't even realize the beer cave in the corner store where he works is the gateway to hell.
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cool idea ruined by cartoonish narration
- By AJ on 11-29-20
By: D.M. Guay
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Roadkill
- By: Dennis E. Taylor
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Original Recording
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Jack Kernigan is having a bad day...a bad year...a bad life. After being booted out of MIT, he’s back in his Ohio hometown, working for the family business, facing a life of mediocrity. Then one day, out on a delivery, his truck hits...something. Something big...something furry...something invisible. And, it turns out, something not of this Earth. Fate can play funny tricks. Which is why Jack suddenly finds himself the planet’s best hope to unravel a conspiracy of galactic proportions that could spell the end of the human race.
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The least helpful review of Roadkill
- By Joshua Kring on 08-05-22
By: Dennis E. Taylor
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Parable of the Sower
- By: Octavia E. Butler
- Narrated by: Lynne Thigpen
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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God is change. That is the central truth of the Earthseed movement, whose unlikely prophet is 18-year-old Lauren Olamina. The young woman's diary entries tell the story of her life amid a violent 21st-century hell of walled neighborhoods and drug-crazed pyromaniacs - and reveal her evolving Earthseed philosophy. Against a backdrop of horror emerges a message of hope: if we are willing to embrace divine change, we will survive to fulfill our destiny among the stars.
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Dystopia before dystopia was cool...
- By Amber on 05-28-14
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Deathtrap
- Expeditionary Force Mavericks, Book 1
- By: Craig Alanson
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 15 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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The human soldiers stranded on the planet Paradise have been recruited into an alien legion to do the dirty jobs that the high-tech species won't do. Their first mission is to kick the enemy off a backwater planet no one cares about. It's a simple assignment, except everyone has a hidden agenda, and the planet could become a deathtrap.
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What a great spinoff!
- By Cliff on 05-13-19
By: Craig Alanson
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Camp Damascus
- By: Chuck Tingle
- Narrated by: Mara Wilson
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Welcome to Neverton, Montana: home to a God-fearing community with a heart of gold. Nestled high up in the mountains is Camp Damascus, the self-proclaimed “most effective” gay conversion camp in the country. Here, a life free from sin awaits. But the secret behind that success is anything but holy. And they’ll scare you straight to hell.
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A Horror That Hits Home
- By P Parker on 11-09-23
By: Chuck Tingle
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Meddling Kids
- A Novel
- By: Edgar Cantero
- Narrated by: Kyla Garcia
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Summer 1977. The Blyton Summer Detective Club (of Blyton Hills, a small mining town in Oregon's Zoinx River Valley) solved their final mystery and unmasked the elusive Sleepy Lake monster - another low-life fortune hunter trying to get his dirty hands on the legendary riches hidden in Deboën Mansion. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.
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should have been a YA novel
- By Bearded Barista on 08-20-17
By: Edgar Cantero
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Necronomicon
- By: H. P. Lovecraft
- Narrated by: Richard Powers, Bronson Pinchot, Stephen R. Thorne, and others
- Length: 21 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Originally written for the pulp magazines of the 1920s and '30s, H. P. Lovecraft's astonishing tales blend elements of horror, science fiction, and cosmic terror that are as powerful today as they were when first published. This tome brings together all of Lovecraft's harrowing stories, including the complete Cthulhu Mythos cycle, just the way they were when first released.
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This has bugged me for a while...
- By mike on 06-23-16
By: H. P. Lovecraft
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Supercarrier Box Set: The Complete Ixan Prophecies Trilogy
- By: Scott Bartlett
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 26 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Captain Keyes is loved by the public but hated by Command. He captains the UHS Providence, an aging supercarrier and the last human ship not dependent on dark tech - technology humanity has used to rule over the galaxy since barely defeating the Ixa in the First Galactic War. Dominance has come at a cost. Over the decades, old allies have grown resentful, and when dark tech itself fails, Captain Keyes’ predictions start coming true: those old allies are now enemies.
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Captivating
- By Amazon Customer on 12-18-19
By: Scott Bartlett
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Termination Shock
- A Novel
- By: Neal Stephenson
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini
- Length: 22 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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One man—visionary billionaire restaurant chain magnate T. R. Schmidt, Ph.D.—has a Big Idea for reversing global warming, a master plan perhaps best described as “elemental.” But will it work? Ranging from the Texas heartland to the Dutch royal palace in the Hague, from the snow-capped peaks of the Himalayas to the sunbaked Chihuahuan Desert, Termination Shock brings together a disparate group of characters from different cultures and continents who grapple with the real-life repercussions of global warming.
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The Men Who Shoot at Feral Hogs
- By Kindle Customer on 12-02-21
By: Neal Stephenson
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The Infection Omnibus
- The Apocalyptic Zombie Trilogy
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: Garrett Michael Brown
- Length: 27 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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In this classic trilogy, a mysterious disease strikes millions and drives them to attack, overpower, and infect. Others continue to mutate, becoming horrific monsters. In a dying America, survivors ranging from soldiers to scientists to average people struggle on the razor's edge of survival. Each must ultimately choose how far they’ll go to survive and what they’re willing to lose to save humanity. This is a brutal vision of the apocalypse like no other. Will humanity survive the end of days?
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So good
- By Jason on 05-06-22
By: Craig DiLouie
What listeners say about This Book Is Full of Spiders
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- C Yohe
- 04-26-13
Holy Velvet Jesus Painting, My Jimmies Are Rustled
This book is better written then David Wong's last novel, John Dies At The End. Which was a fun read. Unlike his last, when the plot ambles, it's more on purpose, concise, cleaner, and he doesn't use periods of gross out horror slapstick to cover weak points in the story. There's still gross out horror, but it's intuitive. I mean, it's a book about sentient spiders. Uggghhuuuhhuuherr Blahhhh, my skin is crawling!
I can't remember the last time I was wide awake at 4 AM glaring at shadows in my room, certain that they would suddenly move. Maybe when I was eight? Or since the last time I watched Army of Darkness?
Don't judge. It was scary. I normally don't like horror, but when you get midway through this book you almost have to keep listening, you have to have the narrator tell you that the spiders are taken care of, and that everything will be okay. It's that well written. This book was like a literary roller coaster, terrifying, with just the right kind of humor and humanity to make it exciting. There are some really good intuitions of the human condition, including Wong's take on the Babel Effect, without getting too preachy. The alternate point of views is really interesting, as you get to see situations from every perspective. I would definitely recommend this book.
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63 people found this helpful
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- mike holm
- 04-29-19
I absolutely loved this book
the performance was amazing! the story was great, this is easily my favorite audiobook. I play this in the car for my friends that use to think audio books were lame. my buddy listened for ten hours straight on our way to denver. he kept asking me to put the story back on
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- Roger
- 12-19-17
Deep thought wrapped in comic horror
Love his works. Just as with John Dies at the End, deep thought is wrapped in comedic horror fiction. The Dunbar Number and how that applies to stereotype, our affinity to loving to hate zombies, and the thoughts contained therein were wonderful, thought provoking ideas wrapped neatly into an easy to read story.
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- L
- 05-12-17
awesome
great mix of dark and suspenseful planar fiction, dark humor, and just the right amount of occasional fart and dick jokes
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- Andrew
- 05-09-16
Enjoyed it thoroughly
The story was very imaginative shifting in ways to keep the reader interested and guessing. The performance was on point and definitely assisted in my own imagining and understanding of the story. I have a few minor complaints though. It felt a little less connected than the first novel and I felt a sense of some loose ends lingering about. Overall, if you like silly, horrifying, thought-provoking, cringe-inducing stories, this is for you.
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- Bradmartin78
- 03-09-15
Awesome
A true original. looking forward to the next book in the future or anything else that David Wong bus out.
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- Virago
- 10-20-17
I. Hate. This. Book. Okay, not really...
...but the ending, which I won't spoil, was upsetting.
So let me tell you, this book was well and truly full of spiders. Gross. It made me shudder just reading about them!!!! This sequel was all together creepier, and more serious than it's predecessor. John Dies At The End, while creepy, and it had it's sad parts, was a lot lighter and more humorous. Things in this book escalated quickly. Stuff got serious within the first chapter or two.
It doesn't take away from the book at all. This was equally good, and it was evident that things clearly had to get worse this time around. John and Dave are thrown into save-the-world situations, again, only this time they get separated and have to work toward the same goals while apart. It definitely made for some anxious moments and the reader routing for them to make their way back together.
There was still humor, and John and Dave's shenanigans will probably always be epic. I am very much looking forward to the next installment!
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- lucky dog
- 08-25-16
This review is full of exclamation marks!!!
Terrific story, likable characters, really great narration, and a lovable dog. I liked this book, A LOT, and am adding it to my 'listen to regularly' list. And as promised, here are the exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!
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- Patrick O'Brien
- 12-09-16
This book is full of awesome.
I'm a longtime fan of David Wong. I originally read John Dies at the End way back in its original version. I had the Permuted Press edition. It's very nearly my favorite book.
I say nearly, because This Book is Full of Spiders surpassed the original. I can hardly wait for the next chronicle in the zany adventures of John and Dave.
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- Stephen
- 01-14-13
Awesome
Would you listen to This Book Is Full of Spiders again? Why?
Yes, but in a year or so, to let the story regain its novelty. Truly a funny book. I snorted my drink out of my nose while driving, because I was laughing.
What about Nick Podehl’s performance did you like?
His delivery was fantastic. He has the sarcastic, self-deprecating voice of David down pat, and he really brought the characters to life. He acted out the characters personalities; David is different from John, in a way that both characters were clearly different people, with different motivations. Their conversations are truly comic. His delivery of some of the jokes could not be better. The plot twists and turns around ridiculous events, but he holds it together so that it is not just entertaining, it is possibly maybe believable that something like this happened and there really are a John and a David in a town called UNDISCLOSED... okay. It wasn't real. I know that. Shut up. Great narrator, though.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
Yep
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