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Bite Me Audiobook

Bite Me: A Love Story

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Publisher's Summary

"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.

"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."

Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.

©2010 Christopher Moore (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

"Moore’s most hysterical ‘love story’ to date." (Booklist)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.4 (2040 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Kim Spokane, WA, United States 07-01-13
    Kim Spokane, WA, United States 07-01-13 Member Since 2009

    Addicted to audiobooks & podcasts. 5 Stars=I Loved It, 4 Stars=Enjoyed it Thoroughly, 3=Kinda Good, 2=Bad/Boring, 1=Complete Waste of Credit

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    "Fun and Fangtastic"

    I am generally done with the whole vampire thing - I had a serious Anne Rice obsession about 20 years ago and haven't been that impressed with the updated genre. I will gladly set my cynicism aside for Christopher Moore though - he can do little wrong in my eyes and I am totally biased when it comes to reviewing his work. This book is so silly and smart at the same time it entertains the entire way through. Susan Bennett does an amazing job at bringing all of the oddball characters to life - it took some getting used to because there are more male characters than females but she more than handled the challenge. Come prepared for some campy fun and B-movie sci-fi action - and whatever you do,don't let anyone shave your huge cat.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jim "The Impatient" Springfield, MO, United States 11-03-12
    Jim "The Impatient" Springfield, MO, United States 11-03-12 Member Since 2016

    My taste differs from kid books to gory horror books.

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    "Ruarrr!!!"

    Abby Normal is all about Kissing her boyfriend and then slapping him so he won't think she is a slut and stuff. Abby Normal Rocks and the most awesome minion. So she has no hips, almost flat chested and weighs 90 pounds, she is the greatest character I have ever come across. Slap you!! I'm no slut, well unless you want me to be.

    This being the third book and all bout Abby Normal and stuff it is most awesome. OMFG!!!
    Read these books in any order you want, I liked the second book best, but they may just be because that is the first one I read. Terry Prachett and Douglas Adams are amusing, Christoper Moore is fabulously funny.

    Susan Bennett is the most perfect person to read this book, she should win an audie for this series.

    Ruarr!!! it's a thing, beware of my awesome scariness.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    jeprdy somewhere in the middle 04-11-10
    jeprdy somewhere in the middle 04-11-10 Member Since 2009
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    "Abby Normal rocks!"

    This has to be the funniest thing I have ever heard! First, the content is hilarious & I found myself laughing out loud at the most inopportune moments (walking down the isle at the local grocery store, laughing hysterically- alone- does tend to attract some strange looks...) But, the narration is what makes this downright crazy and unforgettable!! I am way too old to be talking like Abby, but am finding myself using key phrases of hers, much to the dismay of my teenager lol. This has to be the best $12 I've ever spent on entertainment! I can't wait to pick up more Christopher Moore titles & pray I can get another Abby Normal fix!!

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    A. Toback New York, NY 04-09-10
    A. Toback New York, NY 04-09-10 Member Since 2005

    AnnB

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    "Spectacular Listen!"

    Christopher Moore's story is hysterically funny and entertaining from beginning to end. Susan Bennett is a fantastic narrator. The combination is an amazing audio book. I can only hope there are more stories to come featuring these characters. Three simply aren't enough!

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tina Novato, CA, United States 04-08-10
    Tina Novato, CA, United States 04-08-10 Member Since 2004
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    "Hilarious in parts"

    Bite Me, by Christopher Moore
    'Kay, so. (which is how Abby Normal, teenage minion and aspiring Mistress of the Greater Bay Area Night, begins nearly every entry in her journal). The book is second or third in a series of San Fran vampire novels Moore is continuing, and features said vampires, beleaguered city cops, the night re-stocking crew of the Marina Safeway grocery store, the Emperor of San Francisco (a batty but dignified homeless man known to everyone in the city) and his two dogs, plus Abby and her boyfriend Steven "Fu Dog" Wong, an Asian tech geek working on his Master's Degree in Biotech at Berkeley while devising vampire-killing devices in his spare time. New in this entry to the series: killer vampire kitties weighing 65 pounds.

    This is a hilarious entry in the series, mostly because Moore is at his strongest as a writer, and funniest, when he writes in first person. The writing is really uneven, because he keeps switching from first-person Abby (whose diary entries are so damned authentic in their silly, fashion-obsessed, OMG, WTF, teenage girl voice that I wonder where this 45ish male author picked UP this stuff), to third person when the scenes switch away from Abby to action involving other characters in other parts of the city.

    Still, I've enjoyed the hell out of it, and am ROTFLMAO, as Abby would say.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Paul Anthony Bradley Austin, TX United States 04-01-10
    Paul Anthony Bradley Austin, TX United States 04-01-10 Member Since 2005
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    "Loved it"

    Susan Bennett (the narrator) is a joy to listen to, my only complaint is, the book and reading we SO enjoyable, I finished it in two sittings. I love how Moore brings in characters from other books, you never know who you're going to see again!

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    D. L. Weaver 04-01-10 Member Since 2008
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    "A slow start"

    I love Christopher Moore's books."Lamb" is one of my all time favorites.This book is just as enjoyable.At first the "valley girl" narration put me off,but once the storytelling got going it was great fun.Highly recommended.

    6 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mark Bettendorf, IA, United States 01-15-17
    Mark Bettendorf, IA, United States 01-15-17 Member Since 2011

    Photographer, nature & water geek, music lover, book fiend.

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    "Melancholy Smile"

    Don't want to give anything away, but I remembered some sadness when reading the book when it first came out, & now I'm remembering why. 'Nuff said about that.

    Another excellent book by Christopher Moore, a favorite author. But this time I also want to give major props to Susan Bennett, who inhabits each character so originally & with style & charm. As Jodi, I fell in love (& lust) with her, as The Emperor, I wanted to buy her and "the men" a sub sandwich and something to drink, as Abby, I wanted to wring her neck & wrap her in a bear hug in equal parts, and it goes on & on. Audible sometimes errs when recording series by changing narrators, & I'm so grateful Ms Bennett was able to continue throughout all three books. She grew on me as much as the characters. Well done to Mr Moore, Ms Bennett, & Audible!

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Margo 04-19-14
    Margo 04-19-14 Member Since 2010

    Say something about yourself!

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    "Best Audiobook ever recorded"

    Christopher Moore is a superb story teller with a wickedly good humor and Susan Bennett rocks the stripy socks off this book. This is audiobook perfection.
    The whole SF Vamp trilogy is fantastic, but Abby Normal is a cherry on top of this delectable tale.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Gwendolyn 06-19-12
    Gwendolyn 06-19-12
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    "A New Twist On Vampires"

    I really enjoyed the unusual storyline of this book. But Abby Normal makes the book! I absolutely loved her! I laughed through the whole thing and started looking at the first 2 books in this series. Only one of them seem to have Abby in them, but I plan to buy both anyway.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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