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A Girl's Guide to Vampires: The Dark Ones, Book 1 | [Katie MacAlister]

A Girl's Guide to Vampires: The Dark Ones, Book 1

Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters: Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker. Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire. No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better....
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Publisher's Summary

Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters:

  • Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker.
  • Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
  • No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better.
  • Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart!
  • Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.

©2003 Marthe Arends (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

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  •  
    Gaele Atlanta, GA 04-22-14
    Gaele Atlanta, GA 04-22-14

    We read to know, we are not alone ~ C.S. Lewis

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "full of gentle teasing and outright laughs"

    I should preface this review by saying that I have been a fan of Katie MacAlister (and her alter-ego for YA/Teen Reads) Katie Maxwell for a long while now: my daughter and I would pass her books back and forth repeatedly and read them regularly. So it was particularly wonderful to have won this AudioBook copy.

    Significant parts of the story are told in the heroine, Joy’s, voice: smart, self-deprecating, funny and charmingly inept in relationships Joy and her best friend Roxy are off to the Frankfurt Book Fair, with a side trip to the Czech Republic to bask in and hunt down their favorite author, the reclusive CJ Dante, author of the Dark Ones series: full of alpha male vampires and the heroines who love them.

    From one moment to the next, this story is full of gentle teasing and outright laughs: Joy is marvellously snarky and Roxy is a bit of a Chihuahua: tiny, mouthy and full of energy. Roxy also completely and utterly believes in the existence of vampires, and feels, from her obsession with Dante’s books, to know all about them. Her list of “how to tell if someone is a vampire” is quite amusing, and completely understandable as a reader who wants to be transported by every story.

    Several interesting characters come under the scrutiny of Joy and Roxy: while Joy’s belief and patience for the poseur vampire Dominic is waning, her own beliefs are being tested as she is having visions and feeling ‘invaded’ by a distinctly vampiric male. There is also a traveling Goth Faire in town: and here Joy meets the man of her dreams in the form of Raphael: tall, dark, handsome and protective: he is the head of the security detail for the tour.

    So we have Roxy determined to find a vampire and meet the author, Joy curious about and enamored with Raphael, a ringmaster/magician with fake fangs and a slimy bent insisting on calling joy ‘mon ange’ as well as several different nationalities and skills from the workers of the faire, the story is loaded with plenty of side stories and moments of interest. When a particularly distasteful and nasty ‘witch’ from the fair is found dead, exsanguinated and with her throat torn apart the search for the killer is all encompassing.

    Narration is provided by Karen White who manages to slip in and out of voices and accents with near seamless precision: adding in a tone and breathing that emphasizes moments of exasperation, insecurity, tension, anger and even sexual frustration and satisfaction. The French accents are spot on, with a solidly Slavic intonation in the voices of Christophe and the police captain, and the smooth yet often frustrated and flummoxed British accent affixed to Raphael managed to convey him with panache. Never overreaching for male or female voices, all of the characters were clearly delineated and crisply delivered and added to the character visualizations.

    Yes, there is a romance, but it is done in a uniquely ‘MacAlister” way: euphemisms are heavily used to allude to actions and parts, to great effect, as the humor with which Joy (and the author) see the world and their place in it is quite apparent. There isn’t a great load of drama or tension or even a load of angsty heroes and heroines in this series: it’s fun: it pokes fun at the genre, the readers and the characters as it presents a new series with a wonderful story and plenty of characters to learn more about. MacAlister’s books are light and fun reads: perfect diversions after a long day or to while away a weekend.

    I received this AudioBook copy as a blog tour win. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Diane 01-29-14
    Diane 01-29-14

    The Rebel

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Laugh out loud? What? Did we read the same book?"

    The only saving grace in this book was the narrator. The lead female was irritating at best. The only reason I didn't return this book was based on others reviews thinking surely there was some substance but nada.

    This might be a teenagers' good listen, but I expect more adult attitudes in the books I read and/or listen to. Not a female that isn't a person I could stay in a room with for more than 5 minutes without losing my mind.

    Katie MacAlister, while a very good author, this book is a complete miss.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Melanie J. Luther Kent, WA United States 06-30-13
    Melanie J. Luther Kent, WA United States 06-30-13 Member Since 2010

    Proud book worm!

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Not What I Expected"
    Would you try another book from Katie MacAlister and/or Karen White?

    I love Katie MacAlister for an author but this isn't one of her best. I still liked it for a one time read.


    How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

    There were times where I wished there was a little more umph to the story line and dragged a bit but the humor was there and I did laugh out loud.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    K. April Holgate Moosic, PA, United States 08-25-13
    K. April Holgate Moosic, PA, United States 08-25-13 Member Since 2012

    Take a look it's in a book...Reading Rainbow!

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Steamy Paranormal Series"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I would recommend to freinds who like paranormal vamp books.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Roxy, she always made me laugh!


    Which character – as performed by Karen White – was your favorite?

    She did a terrific job with all of them!


    If you could take any character from A Girl's Guide to Vampires out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    Again Roxy, cause I want to steal her as my BFF!


    Any additional comments?

    Holy Hannah, that was a steamy fun read! It had plenty of laugh out loud light and funny moments mixed in with a fair amount of mystery.

    I really enjoyed the story for the most part but was a touch disappointed by some of the events. I was also not always in love with the lead guy Raphael. He had some definite jerk moments I had a hard time getting past.

    Loved, loved, loved Joy and Roxy! The dynamic between these two best friends is what really carries the story. Almost every interaction between the two will induce giggles if not out right guffaws! They were engaging and fun but not cartoony. They really were delightful!

    The whole side story mystery was a touch on the dull side. I could have used a little more action there but it served it's purpose of holding the book together and making it more than just a romance.

    Steamy!!!! Oh heck yes!! Once the two leads get together they kind of go at it like bunnies whenever they get a free moment!! Hot and heavy about covers it!!

    I listened to the audiobook on this one and the narrator did a great job. I liked the voices and felt she did a fantastic job of giving distinct changes to each character's voice. I never had a moment when I doubted who was speaking. She also did a great job of conveying the emotions, enhancing the storytelling.

    This is the first book in the series and while it doesn't have me hooked I am intrigued enough to try the next one.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ocie Nelson TRIMONT, MN, US 06-08-13
    Ocie Nelson TRIMONT, MN, US 06-08-13 Member Since 2011
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    "Story could be a good one"

    The story might be a good one but after listening to the narrator for 2 hours I just could not listen any longer. Her pauses and slow reading were hard to listen to.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
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