A Girl's Guide to Vampires

By: Katie MacAlister

Narrated by: Karen White

Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins

Publisher's summary

Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters:

• Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker.
• Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
• No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better.
• Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart!
• Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.

©2003 Marthe Arends (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

Stupid. Just stupid.

Ok this book was so stupid. So stupid. I don’t understand how it got as many stars as it did. It is just one big cliche. I honestly never thought I would encounter such a stupid book in my whole audible time. How could anyone any GUY could want someone who is a whiny little girl. I don’t know how old these two are, maybe 23? They sound like high school students wanting to be in a corny vampire book. Who the hell wants to go to Europe to find vampires? Even tho this is a book but I mean COME ON. I got to chapter 7 and stoped. I couldn’t continue. I like strong women who know what they want. This is just a disgrace to all women. Yah I’m done with this author.

The narrator was ok. She got melodramatic at a lot of times which made the story that much more stupid.

Laugh out loud? What? Did we read the same book?

The only saving grace in this book was the narrator. The lead female was irritating at best. The only reason I didn't return this book was based on others reviews thinking surely there was some substance but nada.

This might be a teenagers' good listen, but I expect more adult attitudes in the books I read and/or listen to. Not a female that isn't a person I could stay in a room with for more than 5 minutes without losing my mind.

Katie MacAlister, while a very good author, this book is a complete miss.

It could've been good..

The main characters are aggravatingly narcissistic and, because of this, the plot was short-sighted and unimaginative.

Terrible!

Any additional comments?

Bad story, bad reading, really terrible. Kept thinking it would get better.... it didn't.

Whiney women and over the top machismo

The lead & supporting female leads are the worst women ever. I would NEVER put up with Roxy's crap and inconsiderate behavior. This book just puts a stamp on the old adage that women aren't intelligent. The men were over the top with their crude behavior. Putting the two together just made it worse than ever. Makes me rethink taking advice of other paranormal readers.

NOT a Vampire Romance!!!

What disappointed you about A Girl's Guide to Vampires?

It's a VAMPIRE book and the vampire is not even one of two main charaters!

What was most disappointing about Katie MacAlister’s story?

The premise of the series is supposed to be a vampire finding his one true mate. Except that's NOT what happens. It felt like a waste of time and money when you expect to get a vampire romance, and then don't get that!

Have you listened to any of Karen White’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I liked her performance fine.

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from A Girl's Guide to Vampires?

If I could play editor, this book wouldn't have gone in this direction at all, or would have been returned to be rewritten.

Any additional comments?

If you name a book A Girl's Guide to Vampires, I expect one of the two main characters to BE a vampire.

Boring

Got half way through and quit. Got annoyed with everything about it. Save your time.

This story really sucks, and by sucks I mean BAD.

🙁😤 DON'T WASTE A CREDIT ON THIS BOOK...
This is my first review, I've listened to hundreds of books through Audible. This is the first book that was so awful I had to say something!!! The characters in this story were terrible, stupid, and childish. The women characters were worse than any teenager that I've ever met..
I'm also very insulted for Ms. Lindsey Sands. Some one wrote a review comparing MacAlister's writing to Ms. Sands. That's rubbish. They are nothing alike. Ms. Sands takes you on an adventure that you don't want to end. In Ms. Sands books about Vampires and also in her Highlander series, her stories are inevitably SOOO much more entertaining. They are adventurous, funny, intriguing, and alot more steamy. If you want to read a good vampire book, read authors like Sands, Frost and Feehan. You'll get everything your looking for and much more. I'm sorry if this review is upsetting to any listeners out there, but in my opinion, every word was the truthful. 😠😳

Female lead too stupid to live

What would have made A Girl's Guide to Vampires better?

A smarter, more mature female lead. I read/listened to some immature, idiotic female characters before but Joy takes the cake.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Karen White?

Emma Galvin or Kristine Hvam. They're both awesome.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

It was a fun story.

Any additional comments?

The best friend Roxy was also really annoying.

20-30 somethings acting like 14-year olds

I’m really tired of authors writing stupid, gullible, will-less women as supposed heroines. I recognize that there are women who firmly believe that fictional “monsters” are actually “real,” but these characters are so juvenile in behavior and speech that they render the paranormal world presented here quite ludicrous and downright annoying. Joy and, especially, Roxy act like tweens drooling over a fan pic of a boy band. Do adult women actually identify with these unappealing idiots? If this is a book aimed more at tweens and teenagers, then there is far too much graphic sex. If it is aimed at an older audience, then I have little faith in the future of the species.

The story might be good as might the paranormal world the author is trying to create, but her choice of characters and their behavior smacks of lazy writing. I have listened to about a third of the book and am so frustrated and annoyed with the characters that I no longer care what happens to them. I’d prefer that a “Dark One” simply drains them both dry and other characters take their place! It’s going back!