A Girl's Guide to Vampires

By: Katie MacAlister

Narrated by: Karen White

Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins

Publisher's summary

Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters:

• Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker.
• Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
• No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better.
• Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart!
• Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.

©2003 Marthe Arends (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

Very good read

The story is well written and very engrossing. The narrator does a wonderful job reading the story and keeping the voices straight.

THIS is Not the Katie MacAlister we know!!!

I first started listening to Ms MacAlister with the "Dragon Series". I thirsted for each book as it came out. Always pleased with the product, I came back time and again for more. Those series (Green, Silver, Light, Black, etc.) were witty in dialogue, well characterized in number of distinct personalities, broad in storyline and worthy of the public acclaim that they achieved.

Then, having no more in that series to read, I started with some of her "other" Vampire books only a few of which were carried by Audible (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Fang, etc.) and found the surprisingly good as well.

When these 3 books came out in 2013, I was so eager to feed my habit that I did not even listen to a sample of the books, I just purchased them. These books, apparently all in the "Dark Ones" series (but neither labeled nor numbered that way except for this first book) are little more than formulaic with flat characters, shabby storylines and a blind of overly descriptive sex scenes that neither arouse nor deceive the listener into believing that this is up to the previous Ms MacAlister's writings. If these were her first works, I could allow that, as a beginner, she could in time grow to be the KM we all know. However, that is not the case and it appears that these works are merely trying to "cash in" on her previous legacy.

Needless to say I will not be following this series.

Sadly doesn't quite hold up

I enjoy a lot of Katie McAlister's books and recently finished the Audio versions of her Aisling Grey series. I figured the Dark Ones would be fun next, as I like that series as well.

Unfortunately, the audio performance didn't just detract from the book, it made it very frustrating and unpleasant to listen to. I didn't mind the performer's voices, but I minded very much that anyone who was not American spoke... very... broken... sentences. Even people stated as having an English accent, or the fact that the area they're visiting has people from all over the world visiting. As most of the main characters including both of the love interests are not from the US, it means even during hot and heavy scenes you listen to a character who sounds like Sesame Street's Count and the Swedish Chef had a kid.

Even speeding up the narration didn't help. There is no real characterization of voices -- instead of a voice, they just get stuck with broken, plodding English. Nevermind the main characters are all fluent in English and in text have actual personalities. This was incredibly disappointing, because it's constant, so any of the feelings I had for sections of the book (ridiculous, funny, romantic, sad) are gone and replaced with pure annoyance. I'm sad to lose all of the characters to this.

I forgot how much casual racism was in this book (a lot of g*psy and similar pejoratives), which also led to it not standing up well to nostalgia.

I will re-read this book but not re-listen to it; the whole thing feels whitewashed to the point of no one having any personality at all, which is a shame.

I won't be listening to more in this series if they have the same performer -- most take place in Europe, and I can't listen to every single line of dialogue coming like pulling teeth, word by word, simply because the speaker isn't American. Oof.

A Girl's Guide to Murder

The cover of the book is misleading.You THINK you will be reading a book on a"Vampires" romance but evidently that was just to tease you into getting the book with the"actual"Vampire in it(Christian Dante).Still,was a great story & the narrator did a great job doing the character's voices & giving them Life BUT it seemed to get hokey there towards the ending & it was dissapointing to me to find out that Raphiel's secret was that he was basically a spy & not a Vampire or some other paranormal creature.I kept hoping something odd would surface about him but it never did.But like I said,still a fun read,not what I expected though.

Not What I Expected

Would you try another book from Katie MacAlister and/or Karen White?

I love Katie MacAlister for an author but this isn't one of her best. I still liked it for a one time read.

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

There were times where I wished there was a little more umph to the story line and dragged a bit but the humor was there and I did laugh out loud.

Must be Able to Laugh Out loud

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

if you need laughs in your life, this is the book. You must be doing something that enables you to have the time to laugh out loud. This a light listen with core romance and mystery.
Humor and whit are the gifts Ms MacAlister brings to her stories...these are not FSOG type
material, just good old story telling that will make you laugh

Who was your favorite character and why?

Joy, her name tells the why. Her side kick made for a lot of laughs as well. If you want a complicated story, this is not for you. If you want to get an up lift in your attitude by listening to a core romance, this maybe for you.

Which character – as performed by Karen White – was your favorite?

I have purchase most of Ms White recordings as she has such a rich range and reading speed that captures written good humor. I found the MacAlister stories by hunting down what Ms White reads. Her US series are a lot of fun. Enjoy

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

yes, when Joy feels she is more important, than letting our hero keep his secret

full of gentle teasing and outright laughs

I should preface this review by saying that I have been a fan of Katie MacAlister (and her alter-ego for YA/Teen Reads) Katie Maxwell for a long while now: my daughter and I would pass her books back and forth repeatedly and read them regularly. So it was particularly wonderful to have won this AudioBook copy.

Significant parts of the story are told in the heroine, Joy’s, voice: smart, self-deprecating, funny and charmingly inept in relationships Joy and her best friend Roxy are off to the Frankfurt Book Fair, with a side trip to the Czech Republic to bask in and hunt down their favorite author, the reclusive CJ Dante, author of the Dark Ones series: full of alpha male vampires and the heroines who love them.

From one moment to the next, this story is full of gentle teasing and outright laughs: Joy is marvellously snarky and Roxy is a bit of a Chihuahua: tiny, mouthy and full of energy. Roxy also completely and utterly believes in the existence of vampires, and feels, from her obsession with Dante’s books, to know all about them. Her list of “how to tell if someone is a vampire” is quite amusing, and completely understandable as a reader who wants to be transported by every story.

Several interesting characters come under the scrutiny of Joy and Roxy: while Joy’s belief and patience for the poseur vampire Dominic is waning, her own beliefs are being tested as she is having visions and feeling ‘invaded’ by a distinctly vampiric male. There is also a traveling Goth Faire in town: and here Joy meets the man of her dreams in the form of Raphael: tall, dark, handsome and protective: he is the head of the security detail for the tour.

So we have Roxy determined to find a vampire and meet the author, Joy curious about and enamored with Raphael, a ringmaster/magician with fake fangs and a slimy bent insisting on calling joy ‘mon ange’ as well as several different nationalities and skills from the workers of the faire, the story is loaded with plenty of side stories and moments of interest. When a particularly distasteful and nasty ‘witch’ from the fair is found dead, exsanguinated and with her throat torn apart the search for the killer is all encompassing.

Narration is provided by Karen White who manages to slip in and out of voices and accents with near seamless precision: adding in a tone and breathing that emphasizes moments of exasperation, insecurity, tension, anger and even sexual frustration and satisfaction. The French accents are spot on, with a solidly Slavic intonation in the voices of Christophe and the police captain, and the smooth yet often frustrated and flummoxed British accent affixed to Raphael managed to convey him with panache. Never overreaching for male or female voices, all of the characters were clearly delineated and crisply delivered and added to the character visualizations.

Yes, there is a romance, but it is done in a uniquely ‘MacAlister” way: euphemisms are heavily used to allude to actions and parts, to great effect, as the humor with which Joy (and the author) see the world and their place in it is quite apparent. There isn’t a great load of drama or tension or even a load of angsty heroes and heroines in this series: it’s fun: it pokes fun at the genre, the readers and the characters as it presents a new series with a wonderful story and plenty of characters to learn more about. MacAlister’s books are light and fun reads: perfect diversions after a long day or to while away a weekend.

I received this AudioBook copy as a blog tour win. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.

A Witty Story With a Admirable Scenes

In the past I've really enjoyed Katie MacAlister's writing and so I decided to give this series a try. I feel like with a lot of vampire romances you have to put a lot of the logical thinking behind you because the reason why some of the things happen just doesn't really make sense. That's the case in this book but that's okay because the humor is full of quips and irony, AKA one of the main reasons I like Katie MacALister as an author. The story itself was descent. Again, I tend to let a lot of my criticisms go since that's not generally the focus for vampire romances. The hot and heavy scenes were fairly descent, just plain Jane (think missionary). The narrator was really good in my opinion. There were no awkward pauses or obvious wait-a-minute-while-i-turn-the-page moments. It was incredibly fluid. I will be on the lookout for more not just from this author but also from the narrator.

Great Friendship and Romance

Listened for Fun (Audible)
Tracking Books Read Review (Short)
Overall Rating: 3.75
Story Rating: 3.50
Character Rating: 4.00

Audio Rating: 4.00 (Not Part of the Overall Rating)

First Thought when Finished: A Girl's Guide to Vampires was a fun read and my favorite part was the friendship between Roxy and Joy!

Overall Thoughts: Fun! Fun! Fun! This is one of those reads that I had zero expectations going in and ended up really surprised how much I enjoyed the characters. I loved the friendship between Roxy and Joy and the chemistry between Raphael and Joy was hawt! I thought the story took awhile to get going but the second half really took off. I will check out more from this series. The epilogue was hilarious and perfect for Roxy's voice.

Audio Thoughts:

Narrated By Karen White / Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins


I like Karen White's narration. She is excellent at bringing to life fun, spunky leading ladies. She did a great job with Joy and Roxy!

Final Thoughts: Will have to work book 2 into my book budget!

Can't believe this was written by Katie MacAlister

What would have made A Girl's Guide to Vampires better?

To start with better narration. It was so slow and draggy that after I passed half way in the book I sped up the narration that only helped a little bit. The story dragged on WAY to long.

Has A Girl's Guide to Vampires turned you off from other books in this genre?

No. I still love that genre and I even love most of Katie MacAlister's books and own many. Some I have read over and over.

How could the performance have been better?

The narration was way to slow extending the length of the book. It is totally unbelievable that Joy and Roxie could have actually been friends most of their lives. Each of them are portrayed as very annoying and they have no common values, ideas or anything to connect them as such BFFs. Karen White does a very good job with the actual voices, but for goodness sake she shouldn't have stretched out all of the dialog and descriptions and I could have done without the snobby way she made Joy sound. I don't expect all main female characters be someone I would want for a BFF...but it sure would be good if I didn't dislike her enough to hope that she would end up as a corpse also.

What character would you cut from A Girl's Guide to Vampires?

I could see a purpose for all of the characters actually. Just wish that they could all have been less annoying.

Any additional comments?

I love Katie MacAlister's other books. But this one definitely isn't up to her best. Also, I have read other books narrated by Karen White and she can do a better job than what was accomplished in this book, but she definitely isn't up to par with Barbara Rosenblat. I really wanted to read it to the end, but just couldn't handle listening to Karen White's voice any more or put up with the Joy and Roxie characters any more as she portrays them.