Women and men will discover:
©2001 Barbara DeAngelis; (P)2001 Simon and Schuster Inc., SOUND IDEAS Is an Imprint of Simon & Schuster Audio Division, Simon & Schuster Inc.
I always feel badly whenever I pan a book. I know what kind of effort and focus it takes to create one, and I don't envy the task this author has set for herself. Regrettably, though, this book has very little content, presented at length in a borderline offensive way.
I can sum up the content as I see it in a few short sentences: all women are the same, and everything they do that annoys you men (again, who are all the same), they do for love. I am not kidding, this idea comes up every three minutes, and even the word 'love' is always breathed in the most reverent My Little Pony voice you can imagine. Rather than discussion, communication, and compromise, men are told instead to understand and consciously manipulate the feelings of the women they love. We are shown how to craft the finest veneer we can with the least effort.
Women, meanwhile, are given not the message of "you're not really insecure and neurotic" or even the less committal "well, you are but you can fix it with your mate's help," but rather the bizarre message of "everything you think is insecure and neurotic really isn't, which is a good thing because you can't help it anyway."
So women, if you want to feel completely stereotyped and fade back into Victorian times, and men if you want to have all your feelings and needs and desires trivialized, mocked, and displaced in favor of rank emotional manipulation, this book is perfect for you.
I bought this audio book in the hope that it would help to improve my already great relationships with women generally. As one of those men who might have been called an "emotional block of stone" some years ago I had already done a lot of work to become "emotionally intelligent" and to understand what women want.
What I found in this audio book was the narrator "talking down" to men in general, as if they were second class citizens. The audio book inferred that women have all of the emotional intelligence and that men have very little or none.
Its a real shame that a book like this didn't give men at least some credit for what they have been doing over past years to be worthwhile partners and contributors in relationships. After all, if men had known years ago what is was that they were supposed to do to further assist the ones they love, it is reasonable to assume that they would have done exactly that then instead of over the past few years.
It seems that the author might have been so busy listening to her own head and then writing down what she thinks is "the answer" rather than going out and finding out whats really been going on while she has been asleep.
My Assessment - Not worth listening too.
The author starts out saying that the purpose is not to "slam" men .. but then spends almost the entire book doing just that. Her arguments are ludicrous and her conclusions just plain wrong. Here is a summary: Men are stupid because they only think with their little head, but it's ok because we can be reprogrammed. Women are allowed to be unfocused because they are genetically designed as such. Men need to read minds (which we can't do because we are just plain stupid). Oh yes, and all women are Mensa candidates.
I was determined to get through this book -- which I did. Somewhere around 3 hours in I did manage to get a laugh, but it was hardly worth it.
To be up front this book will not save a bad relationship, but it can make a good relationship even better.
Okay I bought and listened to this book when I was in a bad relationship. About 3 months in things started going south and being an inexperienced workaholic who had never dated much before I was certain it was I was doing wrong. I listened to this book twice, as well as other similar books. A few days shy of 6 months the relationship collapsed.
My ex's brother and sister-in-law then introduced me to a wonderful woman. She and I have been dating over a year and are engaged to be married. With this second relationship, I didn't forget the lessons of this book and those lessons have made things better.
Looking back if the lessons of this book had "saved" the relationship, I really don't think either one of us would have been happy. It just was not a good fit for either one of us.
To put it nautically, this book is not a life preserver to save the drowning, but it is a bigger sail to help people who are already in the right boat.
Great explanations of why men and women react differently to relationship issues. We know these things happen, but understanding why helps in dealing with, and avoiding misunderstandings. As much as I got out of it, my wife did to, and our discussions about what is stated where enlightning. Highly recommended!
Author believes that men are apes and they need to be taught not to fling crap.
She makes a statement like "...guys, we just want you to..." in a patronizing tone that suggest she is constantly winking to her girlfriends in the audience whose endorsement she must have.
The scary thing is that she protrays herself as an authority on relationships.
What women want men to know can be summed up in "listen to what I have to say and you'll get some loving."
I learned a lot from this book.
I listened to this book while on a long flight from the United States and wrote down nearly 5 pages of notes. I'm now stationed in Iraq and before I write a letter to my wife I review the notes and will include many of the themes the author mentioned in my letters to her. Upon reading these letters my wife has now fallen more in love with me, we share a closer connection to one another and I have found a way to feed her tender heart from so far away.
The author has outlined what a woman needs from us to blossom in her relationship with us, and guys, it is so easy to do.
I throroughly enjoyed this book. This is the first relationship book that I have read where it didn't seem like a thinly veiled attempt to tell men how brutish and immature we are, and how a woman's needs are everything and ours are nothing. I felt that the author first took the time to understand where I'm coming from as a man, and then, in a way that I could understand, appreciate, and relate to, explain to me what my woman needs from me and where I should start in order to give it to her. While she was candid in expressing areas that men need to change their thinking and their approach (at one point I found myself humbled almost to tears), she was also fair in pointing out that women have certain quirks and idiosyncricies that they need to adjust as well.
I really think that this book is a great "primer" for men trying to understand women, and in my opinion, it gives the needed context to all of the other books I've read on relationships. I highly recommend it.
After a couple years of counseling and reading numerous books on relationships, I felt that this one was the only one that was a complete waste of time. It takes a very dim view of men and women that reminds me of advice from my very old aunt: contradictory and nonsensical. I felt like she was saying, "Guys, we're messed up creatures but you love us for it, so accept it."
this book is definitely spot on. The reason I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 is one huge key detail. it left the very big possibility of a man reading it and saying yep, I do all of those things, the woman I have is definitely crazy. It totally misses that words are nothing without true genuine actions to back them up. Yes, women are very intuitive and it is very clear and obvious when you are going through the motions of doing all the right things just to say you did but not feeling them in your heart. you create a whole new frustration separation and feeling of hopelessness when the very things you need to feel secure from your man in his mind he is physically doing but not in the way that makes them feel genuine to you. for example, when you seem upset he asks you what's wrong. You say nothing because you need the validation that he really wants to know instead of that he is just going through the motions of asking you. After you say nothing he either daftly says okay and bustles about his day or immediately gets frustrated that you won't tell him and doesn't care to know anymore. All the woman really needed was a little reinsurance that he was asking her because he really cared. then she felt safe in leaning on him instead of feeling like her need for support was draining and demanding on him. it goes back to a verse in the Bible. Whatever you do do with love. no matter how hard you put forth the effort to go through the motions they're pointless if there is any goal other then making this the best and most satisfying relationship you can for the BOTH of you out of nothing then true love.
"Delusions of the ego"
This maybe one of the most misguided and ego centric books I have ever read. Based purely around the concept of trying to make other people change to meet your demands is nothing but ego. 99% of human misery comes from trying to comply with the wishes and rules of others.
This book will generate nothing but unhappiness if you attempt to use the tips within.
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