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She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman | [Ian Kerner]

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.
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Publisher's Summary

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.

Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay: simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.

She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamous line to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

For Adults Only: You must be 18 years or older to purchase.

Find out what else is on Ian Kerner's mind in this interview with the author.

©2004 Ian Kerner; (P)2005 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!" (Playgirl)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.5 (958 )
5 star
 (273)
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3.7 (303 )
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Story
3.5 (307 )
5 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Adam Cambridge, MA, USA 08-23-05
    Adam Cambridge, MA, USA 08-23-05
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    "Really Good for What It's For"

    This book is quite amazingly good at just what it says. You'll get a lot of fact, and be left to develop it how you choose. No more search for the magic buttons, or a ten-step program for orgasm. I'm glad he doesn't insult me by trying to give me a script to follow, and Ian also manages to make the presentation quite fun, if a little eerily motivational speaker-esque at times -- this man needs to be put on a ration plan for exclamation points.

    I think perhaps the most ringing endorsement I can make is that I would never, ever listen to this with my girlfriend or spouse. I'm not embarrassed easily, but I spent most of the time listening a brilliant shade of salmon. I think I'm better for the experience, though.

    The only thing I regret is that there's an almost negative tone regarding genital sexual intercourse. I know it's not what the book is about, and I accept that, but I don't think he needed to be that negative about what is for many women a fun and viable way to achieve sexual gratification and yes, orgasm. Normally I'm put off by a "whatever works for you" approach in a sex book, so I appreciate the vehemence, but I would have moderated the tone a bit.

    Still, all in all, a fascinating read.

    13 of 13 people found this review helpful
  •  
    John Chicago, IL, United States 03-21-05
    John Chicago, IL, United States 03-21-05 Member Since 2004
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    "Informative and effective"

    I was not sure what to expect, but found the book easy to listen to, easy to understand...and, most important, helpful ;-) when it counted. I would have preferred a different narrator as the author does not have the best reading voice...and at moments seems to go a little over the top in trying to make the topic "sexy" (as if it needed any help on that point).

    8 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Bryan Brentwood, NH, USA 12-08-08
    Bryan Brentwood, NH, USA 12-08-08
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    "The greatest aduio book I have ever listened to"

    All superlatives aside and not to put too fine a point on it, but the theory and practice learned in She Comes First revitalized sex for my wife and I in such a dramatic way that I still have a hard time believing it. Once a month, routine and hardly satisfactory sex changed entirely overnight into all day exchanges of filthy text messages, difficulty keeping our hands off one another and nights of intense, deeply passionate sex and it's all thanks to this amazing and exceptionally specific manual to master the female orgasm. Other books focused on sexuality make vague suggestions that you could come to on your own. She Comes First lays it all out there and is a path to better sex and a deeper level of intimacy.

    15 of 16 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Dominique Hackett Santa Barbara, CA, US 01-22-08
    Dominique Hackett Santa Barbara, CA, US 01-22-08 Member Since 2007

    I inspire women to get green & gorgeous & take back their mojo through teaching meditation, dance & balancing hormones & OMing!

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    "Wow-A Must Read for Women & Men"

    She Comes First should be used as a mandatory sex education class for Freshmen college students. Parents should listen/read this book so they better know how to talk to their children regarding family sex education. This book clearly and calmly walks the reader through old-miss information to what science has confirmed regarding human sexuality. As a woman I now have a "definition of terms" creating a scientifically based frame work to understand my own sexual experiences. I can't thank the author enough for this gift of knowledge. As a woman, I have been embarrassed for how long it takes me to orgasm. Now I understand that myself and my lovers simply lacked a proper understanding of the stages of arousal, climax, and return to a pre-arousal state that most women experience. And understanding the brain chemistry as to why men sleep after sex is liberating for both men & women. Whether or not you enjoy oral sex, reading this book makes you feel more comfortable about your own unique journey to experience bliss through sex. Woman are in the process of reclaiming our unique feminine energy and this book goes a long way to giving women confidence to relax and enjoy themselves and gives men what they have always wanted - terms & explanations to understand What Woman Want (Need). Thank you.

    15 of 16 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Paul SAN ANGELO, TX, USA 11-28-05
    Paul SAN ANGELO, TX, USA 11-28-05
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    "Women are hot for this book"

    I wondered what my friends would think if I told them I read this book. There are pretty much two answers: First- The men usually tell me they already know ALL about this sort of thing. On the other hand, women are absolutely impressed and want to know more. It's weird because their reactions are WAY more positive than I could have imagined. Not only are they curious about what I now know, they want a copy of the book for themselves. The men; they still don't get it (but I do!).

    Once the listener of She Comes First gets past the author's nonchalant tone of speaking about such a difficult subject, there is so much to learn. I think everything is in this book- somewhere, which brings me to my only problem. I've listened to parts of this book 5 times, and I still can't find a great point in the book in which I can quickly review what I've learned (like on my way to my girlfriend's house). It seems that much of the information is spread throughout the book, so it takes time to pick up the finer points.

    The information is in depth; from talking about discussions about transmissible diseases, to the female scent, whether cunalingus is okay while she is menstruating, to how sexual tension plays into the bedroom starting before being undressed and etc. I considered myself to be somewhat advanced and I more than quadrupled what I know about a woman; in fact, I would bet I now know more about a woman than she typically knows about herself!

    This book is a must buy for any true man. The women in your life will thank you in ways that make you feel as though you were the last man on earth!

    If you get this audio book, if you want to skip to the good part, start the book at the 3-hr 2-min mark and get a taste. Then go back from the start and enjoy.

    13 of 14 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Edward Hanline Omaha, NE 03-25-05
    Edward Hanline Omaha, NE 03-25-05 Member Since 2005
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    "AWESOME/WORTH THE TIME"

    I've been married 24 years to an RN and have a Biology degree but still learned ALOT. Not just techniques (although Kathy enjoyed them!) but enlightened me on just how marvelous the female body truly is. A MUST "read" for ANY man ready to take responsility for serving his lover FIRST.

    12 of 13 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Judith Millbury, MA, United States 02-08-05
    Judith Millbury, MA, United States 02-08-05
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    "GREAT BOOK!"

    I got this book the day it came to my local bookstore. It was worth it! After my husband read it, I got a lot out of it :) So, I have it now on Audibles and will listen with hubby which should lead to great conversations and more... This is really great for those stuck in a rut, or looking for new techniques, or just trying something to add a bit (I mean a great deal) of SPICE to a relationship.

    88 of 108 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Stephen Tecumseh, MI, United States 09-15-08
    Stephen Tecumseh, MI, United States 09-15-08 Member Since 2005
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    "Mojomaker vs. Mojobreaker"

    I bought this a year ago, and I have to say it wrecked my wife's and my rhythm. Not because what he says isn't worthwhile, but because I had internalized the message years ago in highschool and college all on my own. Basically, this is a book about the three tricks to a pleasurable sexual relationship: 1)Cunnilingus. 2)Cunnilingus. 3)Cunnilingus. He goes on and on ad nauseum regarding why a man should do it, about how to do it, and what the best technique is which coincidentally is his own style and technique, and it is always the same. Over and over. The author is a sex therapist, go figure. So, if you are a beginner or you are looking for a better way because what you are doing now is ineffective, this book is for you. Read it, internalize it, and use it in your next encounter. But if you already are in a committed relationship, and 'she comes first' is already your philosophy, and you are great at cunnilingus, don't read this book. It will only mess your mind up as you go down. I started second-guessing, over-analyzing, and losing interest. It's been a year now, and I just realized what the issue has been. My mojo's broke. So now I am trying to forget the contents of this book and approach things in the old way, which my wife, I am sure, will appreciate.

    19 of 23 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Paul Rijswijk ZH, Netherlands 08-13-08
    Paul Rijswijk ZH, Netherlands 08-13-08 Member Since 2004
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    "Needs a total rewrite to be an audiobook"

    It's not surprising that the author could not find a reader for this book, and so had read it himself. It's a text that would tax the talents of any reader, no matter how skilled.

    The many footnotes are out of place in an audio book. They hold up the flow.

    Much of the text is about anatomy. For that you need illustrations. Audio books have to do without.

    So, to be suitable for audio format, the book needs to be totally recast. As it stands the footnotes hobble the exposition, and the lack of illustrations turns the anatomical discussion into a parade of technical terms that baffle more than they explain.

    There's not much wrong with the advice in the book. I consider myself a skilled and experienced lover, but there were still a few useful bits of advice in it that I didn't know.

    But it is overlong and repetitive. The author knows what he considers good writing to be. He sets himself "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White as a model. In printed form, the book may very well come up to that worthy standard.

    In the book, E. B. White says "Work from a suitable design." And there lies the problem. The design of the text just isn't suitable for audio format.

    13 of 16 people found this review helpful
  •  
    William Gilmer, TX, United States 02-17-12
    William Gilmer, TX, United States 02-17-12 Member Since 2010
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    "no woman ever told me that"
    Where does She Comes First rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    It falls right in line with other topics on sex. Yes a man wants to please a woman but if she don't talk to you how do you know. Finally a book that does tell you how to know and how to get her the enjoyment she deserves.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    No one favorite.


    What about Ian Kerner’s performance did you like?

    Being honest and saying it hiw it is.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Yes


    Any additional comments?

    Keep writing on this subject

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
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  • Robert
    March, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
    12/16/08
    Overall
    "Brownie Points"

    My wife says this is the best book I've ever read.

    5 of 5 people found this review helpful
  • DENIS
    dublin, Ireland
    4/13/13
    Overall
    "good book, but the first few capters could be skip"

    a good book, but with audio books, no pictures or diagrams fail to add value to the instructions. Then again we do have the internet and there's a detailed picture \ diagram for everything. Not a bad book overall. worth a purchase. If it helps keep the spark a live, isn't it worth a purchase

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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