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Sh-t My Dad Says Audiobook

Sh-t My Dad Says

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him.
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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (2511 )
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  •  
    Maribeth Yonkers, NY, United States 09-19-10
    Maribeth Yonkers, NY, United States 09-19-10
    ratings
    REVIEWS
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    "AMAZING!"

    I've listened to this twice already and will continue to replay it. Everything is pure gold, and now I find myself using the bits of wit and wisdom found from Sh*t My Dad Says in everyday life.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lydia Edwards Chesapeake, VA 09-18-10
    Lydia Edwards Chesapeake, VA 09-18-10 Listener Since 2009

    Lydia R.S.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "YES, you want and neeed to download this book!"

    I can honestly say, I have never in my life had a book, that I have read or downloaded, cause me to laugh out loud so much... until I heard this audio book! The narrator does an excellent job bringing the characters to life and makes this audio book one of my favorites thus far. Thank you Justin for writing this! It truly was what I needed! A must download!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Bryan New Holland, OH, United States 09-11-10
    Bryan New Holland, OH, United States 09-11-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Good but not hilarious"

    While I found this mildly amusing and I did chuckle out loud at a few parts I did not find this a hilarious as some of the other reviewers probably because I identify my self with the father in the story. I found that I have said some of the things to my boys and it kind of made me take a step back and reflect a bit. I kind of wished I got this from the library rather than spending my own money on. None the less you may enjoy it so read on!

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    DG The Woodlands, TX, United States 09-10-10
    DG The Woodlands, TX, United States 09-10-10 Member Since 2008
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    "Obviously a caring dad"

    If you don't cuss in your everyday life, this is a little jarring at first. The one or two sentence quotes, while clever, cannot hold a candle to the longer stories. While much of the humor (and there is LOTS of it) lies in the son's reaction to his father, there are also stories and references included that give a broader picture of his father as an individual and it is those that are priceless. The narrator does a great job of conveying the wonder, and sometimes horror, of being this extraordinary father's son. The sound quality is excellent - although you may have to rewind often to catch something you missed while laughing.

    As a bonus, there are plenty of parenting take aways you can use on your own kids.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    JACK RENO, NEVADA, United States 09-08-10
    JACK RENO, NEVADA, United States 09-08-10 Member Since 2010
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    "Good Hearted Fun"

    At first you think...bad dad....then the more you listen the more you see sensitive caring funny dad....but really this book is probably more enjoyable for a father or son than a daughter. Amusing but I couldnt really relate.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Johan South Saint Paul, MN, United States 08-30-10
    Johan South Saint Paul, MN, United States 08-30-10
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    17
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    "No Story!"

    No story, nothing to say, nothing much at all - that is if you strip away the half dozen swear words that is repeated over and over again.
    After listening for twenty minutes, I felt dirty and ready to puke.
    Very sad if people get attracted to such empty filth.
    The person who recommended this book to me, is now off my list of trusty resources.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Uriel Cuernavaca, Mexico 08-23-10
    Uriel Cuernavaca, Mexico 08-23-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A really funny audible"

    I came to this book through a recommendation from a friend, and it was as good as I was told. I greatly enjoyed the stories, I thought the dad character was hilarious. I think the narrator did a great job. I highly recommend this book, and it's without a doubt in the top of my list of funny books.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Timothy Las Vegas, NV, United States 08-06-10
    Timothy Las Vegas, NV, United States 08-06-10 Member Since 2010
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    "We must be brothers"

    I had no idea that Justin and I were brothers..... My dad says the same sh*t. I laughed so hard I cried. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a no-nonsense father and isn't afraid of the liberal use of the f-bomb.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jacob Tschetter 08-04-10 Member Since 2011
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    "Simply Brilliant"

    I loved this book. I read it first and then decided to buy it so my dad, brothers and I could listen to it on our road trip. We laughed so hard and made for great conversation about our childhood with him. Sean Schemmel is wonderful with the voices. Simply brilliant.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tracey South Miami, FL USA 06-28-10
    Tracey South Miami, FL USA 06-28-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Couldn't stop laughing"

    Hilarious stories, clever one-liners, and excellent narration make this my absolute favorite audiobook ever. Definitely worth a listen. I didn't delete it from my mp3 player because I plan to listen to it again soon.

    6 of 7 people found this review helpful

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