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Sh-t My Dad Says Audiobook

Sh-t My Dad Says

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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (2680 )
5 star
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4.1 (1672 )
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4.2 (1662 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Teresa Okemos, MI, United States 10-24-10
    Teresa Okemos, MI, United States 10-24-10 Member Since 2007
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Ho hum"

    Not worth the price or the time. Marginally amusing, but not much more. Word, word, word.

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rick BRISTOW, VA, United States 10-13-10
    Rick BRISTOW, VA, United States 10-13-10 Listener Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very funny"

    I laughed out loud during many parts of this book. I know the people in the cars around thought I must have been loony.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Christopher San Antonio, TX, United States 10-11-10
    Christopher San Antonio, TX, United States 10-11-10 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    Overall
    "Not my cup of tea..."

    I don't know if it's just me but I didn't find the book that all entertaining. Also, profane language doesn't bother me in the least but the overuse of the F word seemed diminish the humor behind it all as the book went along. Yes, I realize that's probably the way his father really spoke.

    I stopped listening after one hour. But hey, maybe someone else might enjoy it.


    .02

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David Chandler, AZ, United States 10-08-10
    David Chandler, AZ, United States 10-08-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Nice story, horrible narrative"

    I enjoyed the witticisms of Justin Halpern's father, and overall it is a nice story. The narrator decided to use voices for each character which is alright at first to distinguish when the father and son are talking but then goes too far. He starts using voices for children and later a female character and is just ridiculous and it becomes just disruptive to the story.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    DENISE KNIGHTDALE, NC, United States 10-04-10
    DENISE KNIGHTDALE, NC, United States 10-04-10 Member Since 2010
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    "Sooo much better than the sitcom!"

    This was a wonderful book. I laughed through almost all of it. Between the amusing rants of "Dad" is a heartfelt testiment to the challenges and joys of parenting. Most listeners will recognize a little bit of their own childhood experiences in the various stories. I highly recommend this audiobook.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mark Lodi, CA, United States 09-28-10
    Mark Lodi, CA, United States 09-28-10 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A Yogi Berra who actually makes sense!"

    If you have a good sense of humor and appreciate quirky insights, you will certainly love this book. I haven't laughed this hard for years!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Maureen Bolton, MA, United States 09-22-10
    Maureen Bolton, MA, United States 09-22-10
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    "Hilarious & wise - not for the language police"

    Sean Schemmel does a great job switching between the voices of the narrator (the persona of the author Justin) and his irreverent but wise father. After hearing Schemmel, I've been recommending the audible version over the written one (which I haven't seen). Repetitive profane language can quickly become tiresome, but Schemmel's spirited reading gives life to Dr. Halpern's emphatic emotions & ideas. The structure - anecdotes alternating with series of short adages - works. Despite the description of some personally embarrassing situations, I plan to recommend this to my own adult children who are now fathers of sons.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mary Lynchburg, VA, United States 09-20-10
    Mary Lynchburg, VA, United States 09-20-10
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    "funny, but strings of jokes rather than a story"

    This is a funny book to listen to bits and pieces of, but it doesn't actually form a complete story--which I consider to be the most fulfilling comedy to listen to or read.
    If it were a physical book rather than an audio, it's the type you'd check out from the lib. or read and then give away or sell, rather than buy a new copy (or use a monthly credit.)

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Maribeth Yonkers, NY, United States 09-19-10
    Maribeth Yonkers, NY, United States 09-19-10
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    "AMAZING!"

    I've listened to this twice already and will continue to replay it. Everything is pure gold, and now I find myself using the bits of wit and wisdom found from Sh*t My Dad Says in everyday life.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lydia Edwards Chesapeake, VA 09-18-10
    Lydia Edwards Chesapeake, VA 09-18-10 Listener Since 2009

    Lydia R.S.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "YES, you want and neeed to download this book!"

    I can honestly say, I have never in my life had a book, that I have read or downloaded, cause me to laugh out loud so much... until I heard this audio book! The narrator does an excellent job bringing the characters to life and makes this audio book one of my favorites thus far. Thank you Justin for writing this! It truly was what I needed! A must download!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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