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Sh-t My Dad Says Audiobook

Sh-t My Dad Says

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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (2558 )
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4.2 (1553 )
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  •  
    RAD San Mateo, CA USA 11-25-10
    RAD San Mateo, CA USA 11-25-10 Member Since 2006
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "More amusing if you know the person"

    The snippets of life with cranky dad were hilarious as tweets, but as a sequence of stories they lose their pop. If you know these people, they are likely very funny, but otherwise, they occasionally evoke a mild smile at best.

    The end, however, where Dad reveals personal history, is well-written, poignant, and compelling.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Troy donovan, IL, United States 11-14-10
    Troy donovan, IL, United States 11-14-10 Member Since 2016
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    REVIEWS
    10
    1
    Overall
    "so funny and sweet"

    Great audiobook, very funny and real. I did not find it vulgar or offensive in any way. And I found the stories always had an undertone of the love and concern that a father feels for his son. I cant get enough of the stories about this grumpy, outspoken Dad.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Cesar LAS CRUCES, NM, United States 11-09-10
    Cesar LAS CRUCES, NM, United States 11-09-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Such an awesome book"

    Listen to it, read it, do whatever you like but just get it. It's so damn funny! I just wish that the narrator wouldn't make Justin sound like a total sissy with his voice. Otherwise, it had me rolling. Now who's bright idea was it to make this into a sitcom.....on CBS? Wow, idiotic. At least Justin Halpern got paid, I guess.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    doug Dearborn, MI, United States 10-28-10
    doug Dearborn, MI, United States 10-28-10 Member Since 2015
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    2
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    Overall
    "Should have left this as a blog"

    Sean Schemmel does his best to bring this book to life. The father's voice is especially well done—a combination of Ed Asner and John Mahoney (Martin Crane on Fraiser). However, the content fails to capture the reader's heart. The father is quite a character, but lacks endearing qualities. He is borderline abusive to his son, and the reader is expected to accept him as merely eccentric. Justin Halpern had no choice but to live with this guy, but what is the mother's excuse. She tolerates her husband's constant bitching when she should be out looking for a good divorce lawyer. Sorry, Justin. This memoir is just one big pile of s***.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Terry Rapid CIty, SD, United States 10-25-10
    Terry Rapid CIty, SD, United States 10-25-10 Member Since 2010
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    REVIEWS
    3
    3
    Overall
    "Saucy!"

    This book had it's funny moments...just too random for me. There was not enough character development. Ultimate question: Did the dad love his current wife? How much of the **** did the son take to heart? How did he apply these things to his life or did he?

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rick BRISTOW, VA, United States 10-13-10
    Rick BRISTOW, VA, United States 10-13-10 Listener Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very funny"

    I laughed out loud during many parts of this book. I know the people in the cars around thought I must have been loony.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Christopher San Antonio, TX, United States 10-11-10
    Christopher San Antonio, TX, United States 10-11-10 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
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    35
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    1
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    Overall
    "Not my cup of tea..."

    I don't know if it's just me but I didn't find the book that all entertaining. Also, profane language doesn't bother me in the least but the overuse of the F word seemed diminish the humor behind it all as the book went along. Yes, I realize that's probably the way his father really spoke.

    I stopped listening after one hour. But hey, maybe someone else might enjoy it.


    .02

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David Chandler, AZ, United States 10-08-10
    David Chandler, AZ, United States 10-08-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Nice story, horrible narrative"

    I enjoyed the witticisms of Justin Halpern's father, and overall it is a nice story. The narrator decided to use voices for each character which is alright at first to distinguish when the father and son are talking but then goes too far. He starts using voices for children and later a female character and is just ridiculous and it becomes just disruptive to the story.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    DENISE KNIGHTDALE, NC, United States 10-04-10
    DENISE KNIGHTDALE, NC, United States 10-04-10 Member Since 2010
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    41
    1
    Overall
    "Sooo much better than the sitcom!"

    This was a wonderful book. I laughed through almost all of it. Between the amusing rants of "Dad" is a heartfelt testiment to the challenges and joys of parenting. Most listeners will recognize a little bit of their own childhood experiences in the various stories. I highly recommend this audiobook.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mark Lodi, CA, United States 09-28-10
    Mark Lodi, CA, United States 09-28-10 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    9
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    52
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    Overall
    "A Yogi Berra who actually makes sense!"

    If you have a good sense of humor and appreciate quirky insights, you will certainly love this book. I haven't laughed this hard for years!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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