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Sh-t My Dad Says
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 3 hrs and 8 mins
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Sh-t My Dad Says
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Publisher's summary
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”
“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.
An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
Critic reviews
Featured Article: The Best Comedy Audiobooks to Get You Laughing Out Loud
It’s no secret that good comedy can lighten our spirits and brighten our lives. So if you’re looking for a hilarious new listen to liven up your work day, hit the treadmill, or unwind with some leisure time at home, we’ve got the list for you. With these listens, you can laugh along with stories from some of the world’s greatest comedians, all delivered with pitch-perfect performances. From personal memoirs to multi-cast recordings, we’ve got the perfect listen.
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A Bad Idea I'm About to Do
- True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure
- By: Chris Gethard
- Narrated by: Chris Gethard
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 177
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 159
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 159
Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it!!!
- By Amber G on 10-02-20
By: Chris Gethard
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Agorafabulous!
- Dispatches From My Bedroom
- By: Sara Benincasa
- Narrated by: Sara Benincasa
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 84
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 75
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 76
One of the funniest and most poignant books ever written about a mental illness, Agorafabulous! is a hilarious, raw, and unforgettable account of how a terrified young woman, literally trapped by her own imagination, evolved into a (relatively) high-functioning professional smartass. Down to earth and seriously funny, Benincasa's no-holds-barred revelations offer listeners the politically incorrect hilarity they heartily crave, yet is so often missing from your typical, weepy, and redemptive personal memoir.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More Fun than a Good Cry in a Bathroom Stall
- By Susie on 03-05-15
By: Sara Benincasa
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Just a Guy
- Notes from a Blue Collar Life
- By: Bill Engvall, Alan Eisenstock
- Narrated by: Bill Engvall
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 626
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 490
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 488
Blue Collar Comedy star Bill Engvall is just a guy. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it; he was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: a person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. Just a Guy chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The Man Behind The Signs
- By Christopher on 12-07-07
By: Bill Engvall, and others
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An Abundance of Katherines
- By: John Green
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 347
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 297
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 296
When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has $10,000 in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun - but no Katherines.
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1 out of 5 stars
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struggled to finish listening
- By Daniel on 03-11-20
By: John Green
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 867
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 796
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 795
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
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Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 165
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 144
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Story4 out of 5 stars 143
May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 364
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 324
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Story4 out of 5 stars 321
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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2 out of 5 stars
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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This Might Get a Little Heavy
- A Memoir
- By: Ralphie May, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 282
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 246
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 247
There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
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5 out of 5 stars
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brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,981
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,656
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,649
Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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Disgruntled
- By: Asali Solomon
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 65
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 56
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 59
Kenya Curtis is only eight years old, but she knows that she's different, even if she can't put her finger on how or why. It's not because she's black - most of the other students in the fourth-grade class at her West Philadelphia elementary school are, too. Maybe it's because she calls her father - a housepainter-slash-philosopher - "Baba" or because her parents' friends gather to pour out libations "from the Creator, for the Martyrs" and discuss "the community".
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4 out of 5 stars
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Loved It!!!
- By ayodele higgs on 05-20-15
By: Asali Solomon
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 464
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 405
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 403
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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Checked
- By: Cynthia Kadohata
- Narrated by: John Kroft
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 45
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 37
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Story5 out of 5 stars 37
Hockey is Conor's life. His whole life. He'll say it himself, he's a hockey beast. It's his dad's whole life too - and Conor is sure that's why his stepmom, Jenny, left. There are very few things Conor and his dad love more than the game, and one of those things is their Doberman, Sinbad. When Sinbad is diagnosed with cancer, Conor chooses to put his hockey lessons and practices on hold so they can pay for Sinbad's chemotherapy. But without hockey to distract him, Conor begins to notice more. Like his dad's crying bouts, and his friend's difficult family life.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Book
- By Patrick Smith on 01-30-24
By: Cynthia Kadohata
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 593
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 531
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 531
For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Reviewed by a B
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
-
Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,040
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 953
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 949
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Undocumented
- A Dominican Boy’s Odyssey from a Homeless Shelter to the Ivy League
- By: Dan-el Padilla Peralta
- Narrated by: Dan-el Padilla Peralta
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 430
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 388
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 387
Dan-el Padilla Peralta has lived the American dream. As a boy he came here legally with his family. Together they left Santo Domingo behind, but life in New York City was harder than they imagined. Their visas lapsed, and Dan-el's father returned home. But Dan-el's courageous mother was determined to make a better life for her bright sons. Undocumented is a classic story of the triumph of the human spirit. It also is the perfect cri de coeur for the debate on comprehensive immigration reform.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A must read, but
- By Louise de Marillac on 10-10-15
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I Suck at Girls
- By: Justin Halpern
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- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 916
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 833
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Story4 out of 5 stars 835
Fans of the #1 bests eller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."
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4 out of 5 stars
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The Dad is side-splitting funny
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Dad Is Fat
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,574
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,327
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,279
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
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The Night Agent
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Quirk
- Narrated by: Chris Andrew Ciulla
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 516
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To save America from a catastrophic betrayal, an idealistic young FBI agent must stop a Russian mole in the White House in this exhilarating political thriller reminiscent of the early novels of John Grisham and David Baldacci.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great standalone thriller
- By stuartjash on 01-26-19
By: Matthew Quirk
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Cop Hater
- 87th Precinct Series, Book 1
- By: Ed McBain
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 6 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 472
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 419
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 416
When a sniper begins gunning down cops from the 87th Precinct in cold blood, it’s up to Detective Steve Carella to solve the case. With three cops already dead, Carella delves into the city’s underworld to search for the killer.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Dang, it's about time for the 87th Precinct
- By Eric J. Toll on 05-17-14
By: Ed McBain
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Food: A Love Story
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,073
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,577
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,563
Bacon. McDonalds. Cinnabon. Hot Pockets. Kale. Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet (“choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover”) and decrying the worst offenders (“kale is the early morning of foods”).
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Haven't We Heard All of This Before?
- By Joel on 11-19-14
By: Jim Gaffigan
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Let's Pretend This Never Happened
- A Mostly True Memoir
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 8,293
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 7,534
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Story4 out of 5 stars 7,528
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Actually, not for fans of Sedaris and Fey
- By BostonMom on 04-29-12
By: Jenny Lawson
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I Suck at Girls
- By: Justin Halpern
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 916
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 833
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Story4 out of 5 stars 835
Fans of the #1 bests eller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."
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4 out of 5 stars
-
The Dad is side-splitting funny
- By GH on 08-20-15
By: Justin Halpern
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Dad Is Fat
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,574
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,327
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,279
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
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The Night Agent
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Quirk
- Narrated by: Chris Andrew Ciulla
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 516
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 438
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 436
To save America from a catastrophic betrayal, an idealistic young FBI agent must stop a Russian mole in the White House in this exhilarating political thriller reminiscent of the early novels of John Grisham and David Baldacci.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great standalone thriller
- By stuartjash on 01-26-19
By: Matthew Quirk
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Cop Hater
- 87th Precinct Series, Book 1
- By: Ed McBain
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 6 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 472
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 419
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 416
When a sniper begins gunning down cops from the 87th Precinct in cold blood, it’s up to Detective Steve Carella to solve the case. With three cops already dead, Carella delves into the city’s underworld to search for the killer.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Dang, it's about time for the 87th Precinct
- By Eric J. Toll on 05-17-14
By: Ed McBain
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Food: A Love Story
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,073
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,577
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,563
Bacon. McDonalds. Cinnabon. Hot Pockets. Kale. Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet (“choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover”) and decrying the worst offenders (“kale is the early morning of foods”).
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2 out of 5 stars
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Haven't We Heard All of This Before?
- By Joel on 11-19-14
By: Jim Gaffigan
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Let's Pretend This Never Happened
- A Mostly True Memoir
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 8,293
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 7,534
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Story4 out of 5 stars 7,528
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Actually, not for fans of Sedaris and Fey
- By BostonMom on 04-29-12
By: Jenny Lawson
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My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me
- A Memoir
- By: Jason B. Rosenthal
- Narrated by: Jason B. Rosenthal, Miles Rosenthal, Baize Buzan
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 74
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 65
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 63
On March 3, 2017, Amy Krouse Rosenthal penned a Modern Love column for the New York Times - "You May Want to Marry My Husband". It appeared 10 days before her death from ovarian cancer. A heartbreaking, wry, brutally honest, and creative play on a personal ad - in which a dying wife encouraged her husband to go on and find happiness after her demise - the column quickly went viral, reaching more than five million people worldwide.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Disappointing delivery
- By Alexandra on 04-24-21
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Best. State. Ever.
- A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 4 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 274
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 249
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 246
We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Most. Annoying. Narration. Ever.
- By Triple A on 06-21-17
By: Dave Barry
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Girl Walks into a Bar...
- Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle
- By: Rachel Dratch
- Narrated by: Rachel Dratch
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,346
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,768
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 4,764
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Flowing comedic reality
- By Steve on 05-01-12
By: Rachel Dratch
-
Furiously Happy
- A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,215
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 11,109
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 11,078
Audie Award, Humor, 2016. In Furiously Happy, number-one New York Times best-selling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Review by a Social Worker
- By dudley1125 on 10-21-15
By: Jenny Lawson
-
Lake Wobegon Days
- By: Garrison Keillor
- Narrated by: Garrison Keillor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 573
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 395
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 388
Garrison Keillor is the consummate storyteller, gifted with the rare ability, both in print and in performance, to hold an audience spellbound with his tales of ordinary people whose lives contain extraordinary moments of humor, tenderness, and grace. This exclusive recording of Garrison Keillor reading a carefully edited abridgement of the book also includes a few segments taken from live performances recorded during a fundraising tour for public radio stations in 1985.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A great shot of Garrison Keillor...
- By MrGee on 08-28-05
By: Garrison Keillor
-
A Very Punchable Face
- A Memoir
- By: Colin Jost
- Narrated by: Colin Jost
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9,683
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 8,365
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,310
If there’s one trait that makes someone well-suited to comedy, it’s being able to take a punch - metaphorically and, occasionally, physically. Told with a healthy dose of self-deprecation, A Very Punchable Face reveals the brilliant mind behind some of the dumbest sketches on television, and lays bare the heart and humor of a hardworking guy - with a face you can’t help but want to punch.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Amazing
- By Erin E. Kace on 07-27-20
By: Colin Jost
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Hannibal Rising
- By: Thomas Harris
- Narrated by: Thomas Harris
- Length: 7 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,189
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,625
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,622
Hannibal Lecter emerges from the nightmare of the Eastern Front, a boy in the snow, mute, with a chain around his neck. He seems utterly alone, but he has brought his demons with him. Hannibal’s uncle, a noted painter, finds him in a Soviet orphanage and brings him to France, where Hannibal will live with his uncle and his uncle’s beautiful and exotic wife, Lady Murasaki. But Hannibal’s demons visit him and torment him. When he is old enough, he visits them in turn. He discovers he has gifts beyond the academic, and in that epiphany, Hannibal Lecter becomes death’s prodigy.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Good book, good narration
- By User33 on 12-25-06
By: Thomas Harris
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The Daily Dad
- 366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids
- By: Ryan Holiday
- Narrated by: Ryan Holiday
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 71
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 65
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 65
Becoming a parent is more than just a biological process—it’s a lifelong commitment to sacrifice, service, and most importantly, love. It’s a challenge to get up every day and put your kids first. You will experience moments of heroic compassion and humiliating failure, sometimes within the same day. But you don’t have to do it alone. From Ryan Holiday, #1 New York Times bestselling author of the smash hit The Daily Stoic, The Daily Dad provides 366 timeless meditations on parenting in a few manageable paragraphs a day—useful for even the most sleep deprived new parent.
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3 out of 5 stars
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I love the stories …..but it’s full of ESG BS
- By Steven B on 09-20-23
By: Ryan Holiday
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Bossypants
- By: Tina Fey
- Narrated by: Tina Fey
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 60,564
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 50,681
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,449
Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Tina Fey broke my new SUV
- By Warren on 04-07-11
By: Tina Fey
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,382
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,838
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Story4 out of 5 stars 15,772
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Nothing to See Here
- By: Kevin Wilson
- Narrated by: Marin Ireland
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11,655
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 10,303
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 10,268
Lillian and Madison were unlikely roommates and yet inseparable friends at their elite boarding school. But then, Lillian had to leave the school unexpectedly in the wake of a scandal, and they’ve barely spoken since. Until now, when Lillian gets a letter from Madison pleading for her help. Madison’s twin stepkids are moving in with her family, and she wants Lillian to be their caretaker. However, there’s a catch: The twins spontaneously combust when they get agitated, flames igniting from their skin in a startling but beautiful way.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Elevated art form.
- By KayMac on 10-30-19
By: Kevin Wilson
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Based on a True Story
- A Memoir
- By: Norm Macdonald
- Narrated by: Norm Macdonald, Tim O'Halloran
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 8,527
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 7,557
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 7,531
When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.”
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5 out of 5 stars
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Bizarre, funny ride
- By Michael Chauvin on 09-25-16
By: Norm Macdonald
What listeners say about Sh-t My Dad Says
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Catherine
- 09-11-12
Absolutely Hilarious
Would you listen to Sh-t My Dad Says again? Why?
I already have -- it's a short listen and still makes me laugh. The first listen had me in tears at some points it was so funny.
Who was your favorite character and why?
I liked the narrator because he showed growth and insightfulness into what makes his dad so great and what kind of impact this had on him.
Which character – as performed by Sean Schemmel – was your favorite?
The dad -- Sean Schemmel did a great job with the voice transitions and really making me feel the difference in the personalities
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
yes -- i parked my car in the driveway to get a few more minutes in
Any additional comments?
don't listen to it around kids....
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- C. Byrnes
- 01-03-11
Fun and Cute
Perfect book to kill a few hours on a drive or while out shopping. Nothing life altering or challenging here, just a good fun story that will make you laugh out loud.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Catherine
- 03-01-11
Laugh out loud funny!
Simply hilarious. Just had to pass this one on to my friends and family. The audiobook is great, sitcom not so much.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kristen L. Coffaro
- 03-28-18
Well said!
Almost this entire book had me laughing to the point of tears running down my legs!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jeanette
- 04-24-15
funny stuff.
absolutely hilarious! I enjoyed every minute of it. . . .. . . . .
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Laurel
- 01-14-18
A laugh a minute
This book made me laugh about every 45 seconds or so. It also has some very solid life lessons as delivered by a blunt but carring father. This is a perfect book for the ride to and from work.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
- Jerry smith
- 03-28-20
Love the Voice
Funny and fun to listen to. I enjoy recordings read by Shaun Shimmel and it's another job well done.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- White Rabbit
- 12-08-19
Couldn't Stop Laughing
Not everyone will appreciate his Father's style of communication but I laughed till I cried, then laughed some more.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Ciara Chesnut
- 04-12-21
heartwarming and hilarious
my husband and I listened to this on a road trip and I cannot recommend it enough! A surprisingly sweet look at honesty and the father son relationship
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 09-15-21
Hilarious!!
I laughed out loud during the entire book!
it was a short read, but I loved it!
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