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Sh-t My Dad Says | [Justin Halpern]

Sh-t My Dad Says

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him.
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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

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  •  
    Dorthea Sointula, British Columbia, Canada 06-17-10
    Dorthea Sointula, British Columbia, Canada 06-17-10
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Funny story, but poorly narrated"

    This book is an easy listen, and it's funny. Unfortunately I find the narrator's impersonation of Justin Halpern's dad very annoying. Also Justin sounds like a whiney wuss. I think he was going for Archie Bunker or Ralph from the Honeymooners. It's unfortunate, because the story telling pretty much requires that Justin's dad sounds outrageous, but charismatic.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sarmad Edison, NJ, United States 06-16-10
    Sarmad Edison, NJ, United States 06-16-10 Member Since 2006
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    90
    11
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    "Great Listen"

    I truly enjoyed this book and loved every minute of it.
    I highly recommend it.
    The similarities between the authors father and my father are uncanny.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Gerald W. Riley 06-16-10 Member Since 2004
    HELPFUL VOTES
    8
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    23
    6
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    1
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    "I laughed So Much My Wife Kicked Me Out of Bed"

    I usually listen to books when going to bed..rarely comedies though. I loaded the book up and proceeded to start laughing almost immediately. This is funny sh*t!!! Really. I tried to stifle my laugh repeatedly to the point that my wife said....LISTEN IN THE LIVING ROOM!! This never happens. I Loved this book because a little bit of it reminded me on my own father! It shorts and just keeps you laughing!!!! It is also great to listen to on a break from work unless you really stimulating co-workers! Well done!!!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sylvia 05-27-10
    Sylvia 05-27-10

    Tell us about yourself!

    HELPFUL VOTES
    5
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    21
    5
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    0
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    "ROFL"

    This is such a funny book! I made the mistake of listening to it on a long train ride. I'm sure the people sitting close to me thought I was crazy for laughing out loud so often.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chuck Tomball, TX, USA 05-28-10
    Chuck Tomball, TX, USA 05-28-10 Member Since 2007
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    3
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    "Is my funnybone broke?"

    Downloaded this book yesterday based on the previous glowing reviews. Had high expectations that I'd be laughing so hard I'd wet myself. Got through the first hour with barely a chuckle. I consider myself as someone having a pretty good sense of humor but just didn't find this material very funny. I'm no prude either but did Justin's dad REALLY cuss like a sailor around the house and in front of young kids?! Sorry, this one didn't work for me and I refused to subject myself to the remaining hours.

    11 of 30 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Paul Cambria, CA, United States 06-06-13
    Paul Cambria, CA, United States 06-06-13 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
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    REVIEWS
    41
    9
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    "Huge Fan of the King family, but stay away!"

    The book is well written, but has no plot and goes nowhere. Had to give up at the halfway point. I am highly disappointed because I am a huge Stephen King fan and also really like Joe Hill, but Owen King just doesn't seem to have their skills at drawing you into the story.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    1Toy23 Beaverton, OR, United States 10-13-12
    1Toy23 Beaverton, OR, United States 10-13-12
    HELPFUL VOTES
    10
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    11
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    "Horrible"

    People said it was funny so I thought I would give it a try and I'm sorry I did. Total garbage

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    PHB Ohio 08-06-12
    PHB Ohio 08-06-12 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
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    4
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    "Sounds like the author had a miserable father."

    Larded with obscenities and anger, makes for tedious listening. The advertising for the book says: "in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes". Nonsense; its just raving and ranting.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Crusader Palm Springs, CA, United States 11-07-11
    Crusader Palm Springs, CA, United States 11-07-11 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    110
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    "Absofrigginlutely hilarious!"

    One of the most (if not the most) hysterical books I have ever read/listened to! Very entertaining and uplifting; guaranteed to cure anyone from a depressive state!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brennan Evergreen Park, IL, United States 10-12-10
    Brennan Evergreen Park, IL, United States 10-12-10 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Awful, awful, worse than awful."

    I am not sure if it is the completely unnecessary use of foul language or the ridiculous voice the narrator uses to portray the father, but this audiobook couldn't be worse. I am no prude, I have used my fair share of curse words - daily - but it becomes less funny the more you use it. And really?! Who's dad sounds like that? I mean, maybe someone when they are 70, but not 30-45, which is the likely age group for most of these comments. I can't even bring myself to listen to that second half. Waste of money. The first word of this book describes it perfectly.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
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