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Sh-t My Dad Says
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 3 hrs and 8 mins
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Sh-t My Dad Says
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Publisher's summary
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”
“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.
An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
Critic reviews
Featured Article: The Best Comedy Audiobooks to Get You Laughing Out Loud
It’s no secret that good comedy can lighten our spirits and brighten our lives. So if you’re looking for a hilarious new listen to liven up your work day, hit the treadmill, or unwind with some leisure time at home, we’ve got the list for you. With these listens, you can laugh along with stories from some of the world’s greatest comedians, all delivered with pitch-perfect performances. From personal memoirs to multi-cast recordings, we’ve got the perfect listen.
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A Bad Idea I'm About to Do
- True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure
- By: Chris Gethard
- Narrated by: Chris Gethard
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 176
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 159
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 159
Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it!!!
- By Amber G on 10-02-20
By: Chris Gethard
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Agorafabulous!
- Dispatches From My Bedroom
- By: Sara Benincasa
- Narrated by: Sara Benincasa
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 84
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 75
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 76
One of the funniest and most poignant books ever written about a mental illness, Agorafabulous! is a hilarious, raw, and unforgettable account of how a terrified young woman, literally trapped by her own imagination, evolved into a (relatively) high-functioning professional smartass. Down to earth and seriously funny, Benincasa's no-holds-barred revelations offer listeners the politically incorrect hilarity they heartily crave, yet is so often missing from your typical, weepy, and redemptive personal memoir.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More Fun than a Good Cry in a Bathroom Stall
- By Susie on 03-05-15
By: Sara Benincasa
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Just a Guy
- Notes from a Blue Collar Life
- By: Bill Engvall, Alan Eisenstock
- Narrated by: Bill Engvall
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 625
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 489
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 487
Blue Collar Comedy star Bill Engvall is just a guy. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it; he was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: a person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. Just a Guy chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The Man Behind The Signs
- By Christopher on 12-07-07
By: Bill Engvall, and others
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An Abundance of Katherines
- By: John Green
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 336
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 287
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 286
When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has $10,000 in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun - but no Katherines.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
struggled to finish listening
- By Daniel on 03-11-20
By: John Green
-
Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 866
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 795
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 794
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 161
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 140
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 139
May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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2 out of 5 stars
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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This Might Get a Little Heavy
- A Memoir
- By: Ralphie May, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 271
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 236
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 237
There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
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5 out of 5 stars
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brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,972
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,647
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,640
Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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Disgruntled
- By: Asali Solomon
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 65
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 56
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 59
Kenya Curtis is only eight years old, but she knows that she's different, even if she can't put her finger on how or why. It's not because she's black - most of the other students in the fourth-grade class at her West Philadelphia elementary school are, too. Maybe it's because she calls her father - a housepainter-slash-philosopher - "Baba" or because her parents' friends gather to pour out libations "from the Creator, for the Martyrs" and discuss "the community".
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4 out of 5 stars
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Loved It!!!
- By ayodele higgs on 05-20-15
By: Asali Solomon
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 463
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 402
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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Checked
- By: Cynthia Kadohata
- Narrated by: John Kroft
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 45
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 37
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 37
Hockey is Conor's life. His whole life. He'll say it himself, he's a hockey beast. It's his dad's whole life too - and Conor is sure that's why his stepmom, Jenny, left. There are very few things Conor and his dad love more than the game, and one of those things is their Doberman, Sinbad. When Sinbad is diagnosed with cancer, Conor chooses to put his hockey lessons and practices on hold so they can pay for Sinbad's chemotherapy. But without hockey to distract him, Conor begins to notice more. Like his dad's crying bouts, and his friend's difficult family life.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Book
- By Patrick Smith on 01-30-24
By: Cynthia Kadohata
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 590
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 528
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 528
For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Reviewed by a B
-
Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
-
Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,038
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 952
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 948
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Undocumented
- A Dominican Boy’s Odyssey from a Homeless Shelter to the Ivy League
- By: Dan-el Padilla Peralta
- Narrated by: Dan-el Padilla Peralta
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 427
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 385
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 384
Dan-el Padilla Peralta has lived the American dream. As a boy he came here legally with his family. Together they left Santo Domingo behind, but life in New York City was harder than they imagined. Their visas lapsed, and Dan-el's father returned home. But Dan-el's courageous mother was determined to make a better life for her bright sons. Undocumented is a classic story of the triumph of the human spirit. It also is the perfect cri de coeur for the debate on comprehensive immigration reform.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
A must read, but
- By Louise de Marillac on 10-10-15
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I Suck at Girls
- By: Justin Halpern
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 913
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 830
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Story4 out of 5 stars 832
Fans of the #1 bests eller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."
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4 out of 5 stars
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The Dad is side-splitting funny
- By GH on 08-20-15
By: Justin Halpern
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Dad Is Fat
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,547
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,306
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,258
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
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Best. State. Ever.
- A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 4 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 268
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 243
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Story4 out of 5 stars 240
We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Most. Annoying. Narration. Ever.
- By Triple A on 06-21-17
By: Dave Barry
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Furiously Happy
- A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,188
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 11,085
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 11,054
Audie Award, Humor, 2016. In Furiously Happy, number-one New York Times best-selling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Review by a Social Worker
- By dudley1125 on 10-21-15
By: Jenny Lawson
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How to American
- An Immigrant's Guide to Disappointing Your Parents
- By: Jimmy O. Yang, Mike Judge - foreword
- Narrated by: Jimmy O. Yang, Mike Judge
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,323
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 2,964
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,950
Jimmy O. Yang is a stand-up comedian, film and TV actor and fan favorite as the character Jian Yang from the popular HBO series Silicon Valley. In How to American, he shares his story of growing up as a Chinese immigrant who pursued a Hollywood career against the wishes of his parents: Yang arrived in Los Angeles from Hong Kong at age 13, learned English by watching BET's Rap City for three hours a day, and worked as a strip club DJ while pursuing his comedy career.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Had to pull over I was laughing so hard
- By Amazon Customer on 03-23-18
By: Jimmy O. Yang, and others
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Failure Is an Option
- An Attempted Memoir
- By: H. Jon Benjamin
- Narrated by: H. Jon Benjamin
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,885
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,432
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 4,408
While he's not quite a household name, most people would consider H. Jon Benjamin, the voice-actor star of Archer and Bob's Burgers (and a sentient can of mixed vegetables in 2015's Wet Hot American Summer) a comedy show business success. But he'd like to remind everyone that as great as success can be, failure is also an option. In a hilarious, self-deprecating memoir, Jon lays out some of his many failures in all areas of life, from Work ("wherein I'm unable to deliver a sizzling fajita") to Family ("wherein a trip to PF Chang's fractures a family").
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5 out of 5 stars
-
No joke, This book helped my marriage
- By Michelle on 05-07-18
By: H. Jon Benjamin
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I Suck at Girls
- By: Justin Halpern
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 913
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 830
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 832
Fans of the #1 bests eller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."
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4 out of 5 stars
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The Dad is side-splitting funny
- By GH on 08-20-15
By: Justin Halpern
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Dad Is Fat
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,547
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,306
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,258
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
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Best. State. Ever.
- A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 4 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 268
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 243
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 240
We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
Most. Annoying. Narration. Ever.
- By Triple A on 06-21-17
By: Dave Barry
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Furiously Happy
- A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,188
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 11,085
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 11,054
Audie Award, Humor, 2016. In Furiously Happy, number-one New York Times best-selling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Review by a Social Worker
- By dudley1125 on 10-21-15
By: Jenny Lawson
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How to American
- An Immigrant's Guide to Disappointing Your Parents
- By: Jimmy O. Yang, Mike Judge - foreword
- Narrated by: Jimmy O. Yang, Mike Judge
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,323
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 2,964
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,950
Jimmy O. Yang is a stand-up comedian, film and TV actor and fan favorite as the character Jian Yang from the popular HBO series Silicon Valley. In How to American, he shares his story of growing up as a Chinese immigrant who pursued a Hollywood career against the wishes of his parents: Yang arrived in Los Angeles from Hong Kong at age 13, learned English by watching BET's Rap City for three hours a day, and worked as a strip club DJ while pursuing his comedy career.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Had to pull over I was laughing so hard
- By Amazon Customer on 03-23-18
By: Jimmy O. Yang, and others
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Failure Is an Option
- An Attempted Memoir
- By: H. Jon Benjamin
- Narrated by: H. Jon Benjamin
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,885
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,432
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Story4 out of 5 stars 4,408
While he's not quite a household name, most people would consider H. Jon Benjamin, the voice-actor star of Archer and Bob's Burgers (and a sentient can of mixed vegetables in 2015's Wet Hot American Summer) a comedy show business success. But he'd like to remind everyone that as great as success can be, failure is also an option. In a hilarious, self-deprecating memoir, Jon lays out some of his many failures in all areas of life, from Work ("wherein I'm unable to deliver a sizzling fajita") to Family ("wherein a trip to PF Chang's fractures a family").
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5 out of 5 stars
-
No joke, This book helped my marriage
- By Michelle on 05-07-18
By: H. Jon Benjamin
-
Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
-
Bossypants
- By: Tina Fey
- Narrated by: Tina Fey
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 60,455
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 50,590
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,358
Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Tina Fey broke my new SUV
- By Warren on 04-07-11
By: Tina Fey
-
An Autobiography
- The Story of My Experiments with Truth
- By: Mohandas - Mahatma K. Gandhi
- Narrated by: Bill Wallace
- Length: 18 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,010
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 824
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 824
A holy man to Hindus, a hero to Muslims, and a criminal to the British, Mohandas K. Gandhi was an inspiring figure of the 20th century, a man whose quest to live in accord with God’s highest truth led him to initiate massive campaigns against racism, violence, and colonialism.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Narration disappointment
- By Antonia on 06-23-11
-
Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,879
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,408
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,358
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
-
Me Talk Pretty One Day
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,028
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,657
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,628
David Sedaris' collection of essays - including live recordings! - tells a most unconventional life story. With every clever turn of a phrase, Sedaris brings a view and a voice like no other to every unforgettable encounter. You can also listen to Sedaris in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Subtly Funny Musings on Life Experiences
- By FanB14 on 09-03-12
By: David Sedaris
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Yes Please
- By: Amy Poehler
- Narrated by: Amy Poehler, Carol Burnett, Seth Meyers, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 54,332
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 47,306
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 47,073
Amy Poehler is hosting a dinner party and you're invited! Welcome to the audiobook edition of Amy Poehler's Yes Please. The guest list is star-studded with vocal appearances from Carol Burnett, Seth Meyers, Michael Schur, Patrick Stewart, Kathleen Turner, and even Amy’s parents - Yes Please is the ultimate audiobook extravaganza.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Listen to this book for sure
- By S.F. on 10-31-14
By: Amy Poehler
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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please
- Essays
- By: Tom Segura
- Narrated by: Tom Segura
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 10,018
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 8,931
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Story5 out of 5 stars 8,886
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Hot sauce is the best!
- By Michael Bowen on 06-15-22
By: Tom Segura
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Let's Pretend This Never Happened
- A Mostly True Memoir
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 8,267
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 7,510
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Story4 out of 5 stars 7,504
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Actually, not for fans of Sedaris and Fey
- By BostonMom on 04-29-12
By: Jenny Lawson
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Broken (in the Best Possible Way)
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,450
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 2,169
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,151
As Jenny Lawson’s hundreds of thousands of fans know, she suffers from depression. In Broken (in the Best Possible Way), Jenny brings listeners along on her mental and physical health journey, offering heartbreaking and hilarious anecdotes along the way. With people experiencing anxiety and depression now more than ever, Jenny humanizes what we all face in an all-too-real way, reassuring us that we’re not alone and making us laugh while doing it.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The perfect follow up
- By Anonymous User on 04-07-21
By: Jenny Lawson
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Calypso
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 22,072
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 19,494
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 19,366
If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong. When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And it's as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself. With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation - and dark humor - toward middle age and mortality.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Excellent, as always
- By Ruthie on 05-31-18
By: David Sedaris
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What If?
- Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions
- By: Randall Munroe
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 13,888
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 12,379
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 12,303
Millions of people visit xkcd.com each week to read Randall Munroe's iconic webcomic. His stick-figure drawings about science, technology, language, and love have a large and passionate following. Fans of xkcd ask Munroe a lot of strange questions. What if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90 percent of the speed of light? How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? If there were a robot apocalypse, how long would humanity last?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Hope You got an A in Math and Physics...
- By Rod on 09-13-14
By: Randall Munroe
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Thank You for My Service
- By: Mat Best, Ross Patterson, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Mat Best
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 14,177
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 12,805
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Story5 out of 5 stars 12,747
Members of the military’s special operations branches share a closely guarded secret: They love their jobs. They relish the opportunity to fight. They are thankful for it, even, and hopeful that maybe they’ll get to kill a bunch of bad guys while they’re at it. You don’t necessarily need to thank them for their service - the pleasure is all theirs. In this hilarious and personal memoir, listeners ride shotgun alongside former Army Ranger and private military contractor and current social media phenomenon Mat Best, into the action and its aftermath, both abroad and at home.
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5 out of 5 stars
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If Deadpool was a ranger...with less cancer
- By Rick Valkyrie on 08-21-19
By: Mat Best, and others
What listeners say about Sh-t My Dad Says
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Jackie
- 03-29-24
Freakin hilarious
This made me laugh so hard I cried, oddly I think it’s because most parents have a lot of these thoughts but most of us (at least me) try not to say them out loud although I am pretty sure I have have been unsuccessful at times lol
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Glynis
- 07-28-10
Funny Funny Funny!
If you like to laugh, and expletives don't make you flinch, you are in for a treat!!!
Definitely adult humor and should not be played in front of children! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Worth a listen!!
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9 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
- steve
- 06-25-10
Simply hilarious!
Clever, creative, unique and a very funny listen, which had me laughing out loud from beginning to end!
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4 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- DS
- 03-12-13
DOWN HOME WISDOM
Nice stories about a Father - Son relationship that will make you laugh. The father doesn't pull any punches, tells it straight, and the son has the usual, vaguely uncomfortable reaction. There is a lot of basic truth in this book.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- M. Clipper
- 08-31-10
A must listen for @sh*tmydadsays Twitter followers
I've been following @sh*tmydadsays on Twitter for some time now. I knew that the author had signed a TV deal based on his Tweets, but I had no idea that he had a book until I was browsing around on Audible one night. I'm glad I found this book because I enjoyed it immensely. In following the @sh*tmydadsays tweets, I just thought the author's dad was just a crazy old coot, but after listening to this book, I realized just how wise the dad is. If I had just one complaint, it would be that this book is too short, but I guess there's always that TV series to look forward to. I just hope it's half as good as the book.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Ken
- 12-19-10
F*cking Hilarious!!
To everyone seeking an entertaining and fun book to listen to - this is it. The narration absolutely makes this book. I have never heard anything from Sean Schemmel before but he has my vote for best comedic narration. Listen and laugh!
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- stacie
- 12-06-16
Pretty darn funny
I generally prefer novels, so this was a light break, and i enjoyed it. It was kind of short so i couldnt really give it more stars, but i'm glad i listened.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jessica
- 09-18-16
I would love to meet the author and his dad .
I would love to meet the author and his dad. Great book is a great life story!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- DAS
- 08-20-12
Very funny to listen too!
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes! It sounds like some old sailor, but with an education!
Who was your favorite character and why?
The son. He had to learn to cope with several different personalities.
Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
I've never heard his narration before, but he's very good with voices.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jennifer
- 03-18-15
Funny and endearing!
Great narration. I have been following this account on Twitter and this book really lived up to the hype! Didn't expect the endearing tone but it was really nice at the end.
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