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Sh-t My Dad Says  By  cover art

Sh-t My Dad Says

By: Justin Halpern
Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
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Publisher's summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic reviews

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

Featured Article: The Best Comedy Audiobooks to Get You Laughing Out Loud


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What listeners say about Sh-t My Dad Says

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Freakin hilarious

This made me laugh so hard I cried, oddly I think it’s because most parents have a lot of these thoughts but most of us (at least me) try not to say them out loud although I am pretty sure I have have been unsuccessful at times lol

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Funny Funny Funny!

If you like to laugh, and expletives don't make you flinch, you are in for a treat!!!
Definitely adult humor and should not be played in front of children! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Worth a listen!!

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9 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Simply hilarious!

Clever, creative, unique and a very funny listen, which had me laughing out loud from beginning to end!

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • DS
  • 03-12-13

DOWN HOME WISDOM

Nice stories about a Father - Son relationship that will make you laugh. The father doesn't pull any punches, tells it straight, and the son has the usual, vaguely uncomfortable reaction. There is a lot of basic truth in this book.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

A must listen for @sh*tmydadsays Twitter followers

I've been following @sh*tmydadsays on Twitter for some time now. I knew that the author had signed a TV deal based on his Tweets, but I had no idea that he had a book until I was browsing around on Audible one night. I'm glad I found this book because I enjoyed it immensely. In following the @sh*tmydadsays tweets, I just thought the author's dad was just a crazy old coot, but after listening to this book, I realized just how wise the dad is. If I had just one complaint, it would be that this book is too short, but I guess there's always that TV series to look forward to. I just hope it's half as good as the book.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

F*cking Hilarious!!

To everyone seeking an entertaining and fun book to listen to - this is it. The narration absolutely makes this book. I have never heard anything from Sean Schemmel before but he has my vote for best comedic narration. Listen and laugh!

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Pretty darn funny

I generally prefer novels, so this was a light break, and i enjoyed it. It was kind of short so i couldnt really give it more stars, but i'm glad i listened.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

I would love to meet the author and his dad .

I would love to meet the author and his dad. Great book is a great life story!

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Very funny to listen too!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes! It sounds like some old sailor, but with an education!

Who was your favorite character and why?

The son. He had to learn to cope with several different personalities.

Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I've never heard his narration before, but he's very good with voices.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Funny and endearing!

Great narration. I have been following this account on Twitter and this book really lived up to the hype! Didn't expect the endearing tone but it was really nice at the end.

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