Unbearable Lightness

A Story of Loss and Gain

By: Portia de Rossi

Narrated by: Portia de Rossi

Length: 9 hrs and 18 mins

Publisher's summary

“I didn’t decide to become anorexic. It snuck up on me disguised as a healthy diet, a professional attitude. Being as thin as possible was a way to make the job of being an actress easier . . .”

Portia de Rossi weighed only 82 pounds when she collapsed on the set of the Hollywood film in which she was playing her first leading role. This should have been the culmination of all her years of hard work - first as a child model in Australia, then as a cast member of one of the hottest shows on American television. On the outside she was thin and blond, glamorous and successful. On the inside, she was literally dying.

In this searing, unflinchingly honest book, Portia de Rossi captures the complex emotional truth of what it is like when food, weight, and body image take priority over every other human impulse or action. She recounts the elaborate rituals around eating that came to dominate hours of every day, from keeping her daily calorie intake below 300 to eating precisely measured amounts of food out of specific bowls and only with certain utensils. When this wasn’t enough, she resorted to purging and compulsive physical exercise, driving her body and spirit to the breaking point.

Even as she rose to fame as a cast member of the hit television shows Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, all the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner. With the storytelling skills of a great novelist and the eye for detail of a poet, Portia makes transparent as never before the behaviors and emotions of someone living with an eating disorder.

From her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love with and eventually marrying Ellen DeGeneres, and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women’s health issues.

In this remarkable and beautifully written work, Portia shines a bright light on a dark subject. A crucial book for all those who might sometimes feel at war with themselves or their bodies, Unbearable Lightness is a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit.

©2010 Simon & Schuster Audio; 2010 Portia de Rossi

Critic reviews

“Breathtakingly honest, brutal and beautiful.” (Jonathan Safran Foer)

“Possibly the best book on the subject ever written. De Rossi is the real deal, a fine writer with a sharp mind and substance. This rich, layered book of remarkable courage, power, and significance will serve as life-changing inspiration for many.” (Augusten Burroughs)

“De Rossi tells her story with genuine insight and unflinching honesty. You will cheer her on.” —Jeannette Walls

Great Weight Loss Tips & Inspiration!

What did you love best about Unbearable Lightness?

That she was seemingly very honest.

What did you like best about this story?

I am not Pro - Ana or bulimic. But being the same height, body type, close in age, size & having the same body issues, I now have the information to tweak her diet/work out plan & tailor it to me.

Aside from the catullus for her behavior being self hatred & low self esteem, she was very determined. Although she didn't stop at a healthy weight, her drive was very inspiring. I now draw from that during my workouts.

What about Portia de Rossi’s performance did you like?

Again, the honesty and the fact that at times I couldn't disconnect myself from her. I felt such empathy.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes, but it took me two evenings.

Any additional comments?

I couldn't help but give a hearty laugh when she said that "Kandinsky paints like a fat person." She wasn't PC at all, lol! I couldn't keep count of all the times she threw the word fat around. And of course, she mentioned her "black friend" Sasha. This woman held nothing back! She didn't show herself in the best light, but I loved it! We are ALL flawed in some way! And the fact that she didn't pretend to be anything else was a breath of fresh air.

I Could Relate Somehow

This book was very interesting reading -- better than I thought it would be. Anyone, women in particular, who have a 'thing' about food and maintaining their weight will appreciate this very honest portrayal by Portia of her life during this time period. The meal preparation (meal not really an appropriate description!) and the way her life revolved so incredibly around her desire to lose weight and look good. She was a true picture of an anorexia mind set as I saw it. I thought she was so forthcoming about everything she did during this time of her life -- I was taken aback at how much i could relate to -- that was the thing. Even though I'm just a little compulsive about maintaining my weight with all of this special (healthy) food prep (for real meals) and regular exercise, it pales compared to how she lived her life -- but it was entertaining reading for me because I could be empathetic.

eye opening beautifully told story

Portia de Rossi's story was heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. her eloquence inability to put you in her shoes was amazing. even her ability to depict how her love for Ellen came about put you behind the scenes. regardless of celebrity this story should be read by anybody who may have anyone around them who could or has dealt with any issue with insecurities.I'm so glad she came out of it unscathed and I'm so glad she no longer does what she used to! great job Portia!

Wonderful all the way

Portia de Rossi tells her amazing story of the challenges and recovery she faced. Well written and narrorated by her personally. Dealing with an eating disorder most of my life I could so identify. It gave me a glimmer of hope I may someday be well. She is an amazing woman and writer.

Captures you from beginning to end!

The narration by the author herself on this book was amazing. I couldn't stop listening. I didn't know much about Portia de Rossi before listening to this, and her story is absolutely captivating. I highly recommend.

Great Job

I read this book years ago and listening to it on audible just recently was even better. I appreciate the authors honesty and openness. Her story I feel can help many others struggling with an eating disorder.

Loved It

I learned so much about the mind of someone with an eating disorder. I had no idea they think in terms of fat or skinny, a constant outside verses inside.

It was a very long drawn out story though. I think readers wanted to hear more about her healing and how she conquered. Perhaps like alcoholism it is a daily struggle.

Portia is incredibly intelligent. She is incredibly engaging and a great actress. Portia is also an incredible beauty, face, legs, arms, shoulders - it all works and makes up a perfect Portia package, just as she is. Do any of us need to be anything other than who we perfectly are already?

Wonderful book!
Thank you for sharing!

Wow

Darkly humorous and told without self-pity, this book will likely appeal to anyone with even a mild interest in eating disorders.

absolutely invaluable!!

It's one of the most open and vulnerable stories I've heard. It's so relatable to me and probably to a lot of people who are still hiding from themselves. I've listened to it three times already because it helps me become more accepting of myself, and I still have a long way to go. When I hear Portia speak so freely, openly and know she survived, I'm happy to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Her light was finding herself again and having Ellen there too is certainly not a bad deal AT ALL! (Ellen DeGeneres, my forever girl crush ;))
I'm so happy I found this book, it has easily made it to my top 5. Thank you Portia for your strength and vulnerability. You are a true inspiration!!

thought provoking insight into anorexia

Thanks portia for your honesty. Eating disorders are so evil and they strike the most dedicated conscientious and intelligent amongst us. This book allows us to see into the heart of the eating disorder into its insanity. recommend it!