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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea | [Chelsea Handler]

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (1958 )
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4.3 (1078 )
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  •  
    Bill 09-02-08
    Bill 09-02-08 Member Since 2008
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    49
    1
    Overall
    "Funny Lady Great book"

    Buy it!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tim Sunnyvale, CA, USA 08-09-08
    Tim Sunnyvale, CA, USA 08-09-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "A must!"

    If you love Chelsea Handler and her show Chelsea Lately, this audiobook will not disappoint. I loved that not only was she writer, but also the narrator. Her different voices that she uses for different characters in her book are hysterical! She is sarcastic and funny and a great writer. Once I started listening, I couldn't stop!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Martie Lakeside, CA, USA 07-23-08
    Martie Lakeside, CA, USA 07-23-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "I get Chelsea..."

    I think you have to have a certain type of sense of humor to enjoy this book. It's probably not for everyone. For me, it was perfect. I often found myself cracking up by myself in my cubicle, pulling over on the freeway because I was laughing so hard I was crying, and pausing my ipod in the airport so I didn't look like a crazy person when I started to laugh aloud. I didn’t really know who Chelsea Handler was until I downloaded this book, but now I'm DVR'ing her show every night. Can a book be too funny?...this one almost is.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Edward Somerville, MA, USA 07-22-08
    Edward Somerville, MA, USA 07-22-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    2
    1
    Overall
    "If you enjoy Chelsea Lately..."

    ...then listen to this book! If you do not enjoy Chelsea Handler's style of humor, then go find something else to listen too. Duh. I laughed out loud multiple times, and many of my peers at the gym think I am crazy, I'm sure. Regardless, I did enjoy this book. The key to Chelsea's humor is: (almost) nothing is off limits.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kelster076 05-10-08
    Kelster076 05-10-08
    HELPFUL VOTES
    10
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    197
    14
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    FOLLOWING
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    "Hysterical"

    It was like a 6-hour Chelsea Lately marathon...I liked that Chelsea was not only the author, but also the narrator. The book really made me laugh.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kathy Teaneck, NJ, USA 04-29-08
    Kathy Teaneck, NJ, USA 04-29-08
    HELPFUL VOTES
    29
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    "What a hoot!"

    I loved this book! I had to quit reading it on the bus because I found myself laughing out loud! Chelsea reminds me of a young Kathy Griffin.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    B. Yeats Tulsa, OK 04-27-08
    B. Yeats Tulsa, OK 04-27-08 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    41
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    21
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    "don't waste your book credit"

    I was hoping for a good laugh when I purchased this book, but it was a waste of a credit. She is not funny, her storys are really boring, and her voice is horrible to listen to for long periods of time.

    7 of 14 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Steven PHILADELPHIA, PA, United States 06-03-08
    Steven PHILADELPHIA, PA, United States 06-03-08 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    111
    ratings
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    53
    31
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    6
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    Overall
    "are you there Chelsea?"

    The book is 7 or 8 stories. Some are funny and cute, like when Chelsea makes up a story about being in the sequel to Private Benjamin for her 12 year old classmates, and how an enterprising Chelsea babysat for a terror with an intense sugar high, and when she got a massage from a Chinese place that had only the most basic English skills.
    Some of the stories are just sad like a birthday party for a 30 year old woman she hardly knew, a DUI arrest, a fist fight with teenagers, and a disrespectful portrait of her father which she refers to as Bitchtits.
    Lacking, is any cohesion or theme to the chaotic events that happen to her. What's left is a troubled,wise cracking, self absorbed, TV star who needs to know why she is on this earth.
    A much better choice is Steve Martin's memoir.

    2 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    C Mayfair 05-02-10
    C Mayfair 05-02-10 Listener Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    15
    ratings
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    32
    12
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    0
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    "Some good laughs"

    There are some good laughs here, no doubt hence the 4 stars....sadly the stories are so disjointed and painfully random that it is a little hard to beleive. And who knew, Chelsea has a really bad habit of ditching people. Surprised she has any friends left!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Becky Smith 04-21-10
    Becky Smith 04-21-10 Member Since 2014
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    3
    Overall
    "Not very funny"

    This book was good for a few laughs, but I was very underwhelmed by the lack of humor. Chelsea Handler is much funnier in person than she is in print. Don't waste your money on this book.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
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