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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
- Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
- Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
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Publisher's summary
Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.
Critic reviews
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." ( New York Times)
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5 out of 5 stars
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
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- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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If It Ain’t One Thing
- By: Cheryl Robinson
- Narrated by: Karen Chilton
- Length: 12 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 129
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 102
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 100
Cheryl Robinson, a bright voice in African-American fiction, delivers a fresh tale of love in the modern world. Porter is a handsome Detroit firefighter who just got burned by his cheating girlfriend. Winona is a single mom who is getting by despite an old secret that haunts her. When Porter and Winona meet, they must face their pasts to allow their present romance to grow.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good listen
- By Brad on 06-29-10
By: Cheryl Robinson
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
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Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
-
My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 333
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 293
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 294
In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
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Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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2 out of 5 stars
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 161
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 140
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Story4 out of 5 stars 139
May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
-
You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 290
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 266
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 263
In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
-
The Hearts of Men
- By: Travis Hunter
- Narrated by: Ezra Knight
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 36
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 29
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 29
Songwriter, poet, and best-selling author Travis Hunter was named Author of the Year by readers of the Atlanta Daily World. In The Hearts of Men, a reformed player, a workaholic trying to overcome his past, and a faithful husband diagnosed with lung cancer all struggle to be the men they hope to be. But life and human frailty have a way of throwing stumbling blocks before the best of intentions.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Straight To The Hearts of Women
- By Naomi M. Stevens on 06-10-09
By: Travis Hunter
-
A Total Waste of Makeup
- Charlize Edwards, Book 1
- By: Kim Gruenenfelder
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 66
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 59
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 62
Charlize "Charlie" Edwards certainly knows, in theory, what it takes to lead a successful and happy life. But she's also turning 30, chronically single, and faced with serving as maid of honor at her younger sister's wedding. Charlie finds herself struggling to juggle the chaos of wedding planning (while wondering if she'll ever wear the white dress herself), her all-consuming job for lunatic boss Stanton, and a serious crush on Jordan, a photographer on the set of Drew's latest feature - a man who might actually return her feelings.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great read all the way through
- By Raven on 11-18-13
-
Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 866
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 795
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 794
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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32 Candles
- A Novel
- By: Ernessa T. Carter
- Narrated by: Adenrele Ojo
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,082
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 912
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 909
Davie—an ugly duckling growing up in small-town Mississippi—is positive her life couldn’t be any worse. She has the meanest mother in the South, possibly the world, and on top of that, she’s pretty sure she’s ugly. Just when she’s resigned herself to her fate, she sees a movie that will change her life— Sixteen Candles. But in her case, life doesn’t imitate art.
-
5 out of 5 stars
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2 High Fives - for Monkey Night
- By Nevada on 10-03-12
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Diary of a Mad Fat Girl
- By: Stephanie McAfee
- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 69
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 68
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 69
Graciela "Ace" Jones is mad-mad at her best friend Lilly who cancels their annual trip to Panama City for mysterious reasons; at her boss Catherine for "riding her ass like a fat lady on a Rascal scooter;" at her friend Chloe's abusive husband; and especially at Mason McKenzie, the love of her life, who has shown up with a marriage proposal three years too late.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
What a fun read.
- By Donna on 04-13-12
By: Stephanie McAfee
-
I'm Down
- A Memoir
- By: Mishna Wolff
- Narrated by: Mishna Wolff
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 179
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 124
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 126
Mishna Wolff grew up in a poor black neighborhood with her single father, a white man who truly believed he was black. "He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains and a Kangol---telling jokes like Redd Fox, and giving advice like Jesse Jackson. You couldn't tell my father he was white. Believe me, I tried," writes Wolff. And so from early childhood on, her father began his crusade to make his white daughter down.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
I stopped listening an hour in....
- By Casey on 11-07-09
By: Mishna Wolff
-
White Girl Problems
- By: Babe Walker
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 343
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 306
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 311
Babe Walker, center of the universe, is a painstakingly manicured white girl with an expensive smoothie habit, a proclivity for Louboutins, a mysterious mother she's never met, and approximately 50 bajillion Twitter followers. But her "problems" have landed her in shopping rehab - that's what happens when you spend $246,893.50 in one afternoon at Barneys. Now she's decided to write her memoir, revealing the gut-wrenching hurdles she's had to overcome in order to be perfect in every way, every day.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Hysterical
- By Kimberlykate on 02-01-13
By: Babe Walker
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5 out of 5 stars
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Kathy hit it out of the park!
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Amy Poehler is hosting a dinner party and you're invited! Welcome to the audiobook edition of Amy Poehler's Yes Please. The guest list is star-studded with vocal appearances from Carol Burnett, Seth Meyers, Michael Schur, Patrick Stewart, Kathleen Turner, and even Amy’s parents - Yes Please is the ultimate audiobook extravaganza.
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Listen to this book for sure
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In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?”
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No need to visit the ocean. The ocean is coming to visit you… Deep in the Atlantic, the ocean floor is shifting, changing in ways unseen for millions of years. The tectonic movement launches a pair of tsunamis on North America’s East Coast, killing thousands and flooding Washington, D.C. A small band of scientists fears the possibility of another disaster. As they strive to convince skeptical authorities of the risk, the likelihood of a more powerful seismic event grows…
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Kathy Griffin has won Emmys for her reality show Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, been nominated for a Grammy, worked and walked every red carpet known to man, and rung in the New Year with Anderson Cooper. But the legions of fans who pack Kathy’s sold-out comedy shows have heard only part of her remarkable story.
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HONESTY Is WHAT MAKES KATHY SO 'HUGE'!
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Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Tina Fey broke my new SUV
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The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
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In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is - a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh. Down to earth and relatable, frank and unapologetic, Amy Schumer is one of us: She relies on her sister for advice, still hangs out with her high school pals, and continues to navigate the ever-changing boundaries in love, work, and life.
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3 out of 5 stars
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mind numbing
- By katrina on 09-17-16
By: Amy Schumer
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Dear Girls
- Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life
- By: Ali Wong
- Narrated by: Ali Wong, Justin Hakuta
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 7,426
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,425
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 6,394
In her hit Netflix comedy special Baby Cobra, an eight-month pregnant Ali Wong resonated so strongly that she even became a popular Halloween costume. Wong told the world her remarkably unfiltered thoughts on marriage, sex, Asian culture, working women, and why you never see new mom comics on stage but you sure see plenty of new dads.
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5 out of 5 stars
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This book is the shit!
- By Erica P. on 10-17-19
By: Ali Wong
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Who Do I Think I Am?
- Stories of Chola Wishes and Caviar Dreams
- By: Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
- Narrated by: Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,309
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,194
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,191
You may know Anjelah Johnson for her viral sketch "Nail Salon" (over 100 million views globally) or her beloved ghetto-fabulous MadTV character Bon Qui Qui, but it's her clean humor and hilarious storytelling that make her one of the most successful stand-up comedians and actresses today. With her razor-sharp wit, Anjelah recounts funny stories from her journey.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Funny, Deep and Does not Disappoint
- By Book Cook on 04-09-22
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My Mother Was Nuts
- A Memoir
- By: Penny Marshall
- Narrated by: Penny Marshall
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,476
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,044
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,040
her life story going her humble roots in the Bronx to one of the most liked and respected figures in the entertainment business, also covering her marriage to Rob Reiner and relationships with Art Garfunkel, Carrie Fisher, and John Belushi, and her bout with lung and brain cancer in 2009, to Julia Cheiffetz
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5 out of 5 stars
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The audio performance should get an award!
- By M. S. Cohen on 09-21-12
By: Penny Marshall
What listeners say about Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Claudia
- 03-18-13
Mostly entertaining.
Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?
Depends on the friend. It is really funny, for the most part. There are some parts that are just too crass for me, but it didn't stop me from finishing the book. I thought she would be a better narrator; she's not horrible, but it was hard to keep listening in the beginning. Glad I did, her narration got better as the book went on.
Would you listen to another book narrated by Chelsea Handler?
Maybe.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Chelsie Wood
- 03-09-15
Cracks me up
Chelsea is hilarious... This book got me in trouble in my cubical at work as I couldn't help but laugh out loud!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
- Natasha
- 06-21-11
Entertaining and hilarious
I downloaded this for a 2.5 hour drive from LA to Palm Springs and back, and it made the hours fly by. Loved her stories and the way she narrated them. Laughed out loud more than a few times.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Claudy
- 05-05-16
Hilarious
I bought the book a few years ago and I finally finished it thanks to audible. Her stories are too funny can't wait to hear My Horizontal Life
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kelly M.
- 09-30-22
Such a GREAT listen!
I didn’t even have a CLUE how much I LOVE Chelsea Handler! Wow! Never watched her show much (for some reason), but now I’m going to get EVERYTHING she’s written!!! Love her! Also one of my fave people to listen to, HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS to women (of course) AND men! Don’t miss this one!!!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- jessica
- 09-08-22
classic Chelsea! loved it!
loved it, wish it was longer! more pros than cons. classic chelsea Handler. ready to read the next one!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- CG
- 09-11-22
I've just discovered chelsea, where have I been?
I very much enjoyed the book until we got to the midget. I have a true fear of midgets and dwarfs. it was all good till then. I can't wait to listen to more of Chelsea's books and I will be seeking her out on youtube. she's very very funny. we just have to dump the midget stories, I can't deal. I'm almost 5 ft tall, so it's not a height thing
I'm
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- AB
- 10-26-12
Funny.
The jail sequence was the best. The way she thinks is not normal but yet quite normal if we all admitted it. I love parts about her family. It was worth the read.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance2 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Mike
- 05-30-12
Not near as interesting as the last I read
I like chesea and I loved her book recounting her one night stands but in this the story isn't as good and her narration is just not enjoyable.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Caprice
- 03-12-16
LOVED IT!
Very funny! Third time I have read this book and will someday read again! Great read!
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