• All the Things We Never Knew

  • Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness
  • By: Sheila Hamilton
  • Narrated by: Sheila Hamilton
  • Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (668 ratings)

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All the Things We Never Knew

By: Sheila Hamilton
Narrated by: Sheila Hamilton
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Publisher's summary

Even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband David's mental illness unfolded before her. By the time she had pieced together the puzzle, it was too late. Her once brilliant, intense, and hilarious partner was dead within six weeks of a formal diagnosis of bipolar disorder, leaving his nine-year-old daughter and wife without so much as a note to explain his actions, a plan to help them recover from their profound grief, or a solution for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that they would inherit from him.

All the Things We Never Knew takes listeners from David and Sheila's romance through the last three months of their life together and into the year after his death. It details their unsettling descent from ordinary life into the world of mental illness and examines the fragile line between reality and madness. Now, a decade after David's death, Sheila and her daughter, Sophie, have learned the power of choosing life over retreat, let themselves love and trust again, and understand the importance of forgiveness. Their story will resonate with all those who have loved someone suffering from bipolar disease and mental illness.

©2015 Sheila Hamilton (P)2015 Blackstone Audio, Inc.

What listeners say about All the Things We Never Knew

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    1 out of 5 stars

Author is an unsympathetic martyr.

Although I kept hoping it would improve, I found this book insulting. It is a story of avoidance, not survival or struggle. The author not only refers to her bipolar husband as a "monster", she also spends much of the book covering frivolous details, such as how famous her employer is, and what awards they have won. Followed by a hastily mention that her husband had been hospitalized for the first time.

The second half of the book is spent discussing how dreamy her replacement husband is. I will be requesting a refund for sure. Too bad I can't get my time back.

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17 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Helpful for some.

The clinical facts presented here are well researched and helpful, the writing is good, and the reading is excellent. The tragedy of this family is genuine, and everyone should be able to relate to the broad strokes.

All that being said, I almost stopped listening several times because of an issue I'm sure the author wasn't even aware of; This entire book is an illustration of the privileged lives of the rich. Nearly every time the author describes anyone, she goes into great detail about the quality and class of their clothes or vehicle. She goes on and on about vacations to Hawaii, the Caribbean, and other places. She talks about their beautiful home in california, the apartments that she invested in, the parcel of beachfront property that she owned, and the $200,000 that she had sitting in her savings account.
As she talked about the possible devastation that her divorce, (and the later death of her husband), would cause, I had trouble summoning any sympathy.

A few times, as she described the hardships that she and her daughter had to endure I hit pause in disgust. I'm sure it never entered into her mind how things like this effect poop people. At one point, she tries to relate to a poor person from a rough neighborhood, saying "I get it. I understand", but she absolutely does not.

I don't mean to take anything away from the author and what her family went through. I'm sure she is a lovely person, and would never want to intentionally insult anyone, but as someone who has tried to navigate america's mental health system without anything close to the resources and support system she has, I couldn't help but feel as such while I listened. I still absolutely recommend this book, but if you aren't rich, you might not find it very helpful. Those with money and those without might as well live on different planets when it comes to mental health.

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9 people found this helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars

Can we say non supportive wife!!

As a person struggling with mental health issues I felt she was not supportive and made it sound that her husband was a huge burden and unworthy of his family.

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5 people found this helpful

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Raw Real Heart felt and Informative

Beautifully written-This book is the real deal. A deep emotional depiction of how to cope with mental illness when it shows itself in a loved one. The thing that made this book resonate for me was the authors ability to express her feelings about everyone involved. This is an informative book for sure, but for me it is the ultimate love story. Love from every angle. I adored this read.

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4 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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boring

this book is just b-o-r-i-n-g! keep your money friends
because you'll be in for a sleep pill

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2 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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He voice

The topic of the book is very interesting but the voice reading it is just aweful. Her tone stays on edge even when there is nothing to be on edge about. I couldnt even finish listening

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2 people found this helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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Very personal, moving and educational

I think the willingness of people to speak openly and honestly about mental illness does a lot to help reduce its stigma and aid understanding. Ms. Hamilton has provided a great service with her very personal, and wonderfully written, account of what it was like loving someone who was bipolar. The story is not pretty. The reality of this disease is not pretty. Which is why it is not talked about. But with more open dialogue, like this book provides, we can increase the chances of healing for people who are bipolar, and for the people that love them.

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Very reporter(y) but great story

With a different narrator, this would have been a much better story as the narration was very reporter-like-except for the emotion I heard during the telling of one very sad event.
This is a telling of what really happens in the lives of partners and families with mentally ill loved-ones. It's raw, it's truthful, it's transparent, and very painful but educational and necessary to know these things. Nothing fluffed up about it.
This is a great learning tool for those who have a partner who is unreachable. To know that life can go on after the fact. Not without much inner work, but nevertheless, it CAN happen.
I felt so many feels during this book. Probably more than I knew I had in me.

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2 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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An Intimate Look at Mental Illness

This book adds to the much too limited collection of books that provide an inside look into the world of mental illness. Shiela Hamilton presents mental illness from the perspective of the supporting spouse. Like 99% of spouses, she had virtually no knowledge or understanding about mental illness prior to her experiences with her husband. She describes in great detail the raw emotional feelings that she experienced over a 10 year period. She also describes her husband's emotional struggles. The book is very well written and delivered well by the author for the audiobook.

After listening to 27 of the 30 chapters of the audiobook, I decided to read some of the reader reviews. A few reviews appear to treat Ms. Hamilton unfairly and with a lot judgment. The vast majority of people in her situation would not have been able to recognize her husband's symptoms in the marriage's early years. Most people are not trained mental health clinicians. From my perspective, the fact that she did not extricate herself from a very difficult situation for herself and her daughter speaks to her love of her husband and her basic humanity. Her humanity is further illustrated by her involvement in mental health causes and her obvious yearning to understand her late husband's illness. This book is bringing much needed awareness to the field of mental health. It will help others who are in similar situations with family members.

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2 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

WOW--Honest, Gripping and Vulnerable--Thank you!

Where does All the Things We Never Knew rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

The best so far on this topic. Sheila is a master storyteller and brings the facts to life like you are living it yourself. Her story brought so much empathy her way in what she experienced in her life and how there is hope for those of us struggling living with someone who has bi polar disorder.

Which scene was your favorite?

It was one of many touching quotes but it went something like this (remembering from audio) "Men are defined by the secrets they keep" Favorite scenes were many, her falling in love with David, her heartache losing him and not knowing what to do to help him and trying to protect her sweet daughter Sophie. Her descriptions of everything in the book shows of her writing talent. I could see all of her images vividly.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Use the same title.

Any additional comments?

I loved the research she did and the information that she added. I found myself writing these books down to do more research. I felt such a connection to this story from my own personal experience and yet even though I cried in many moments of this book, Life goes on, cherish the past--Look to the living., love them and hold on!

I would like to also add that our society can change if we bring suicide out and take the shame from it. Take QPR and active look for the signs in friends and family

Love to you Sheila

Melanie Painter Haering

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