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Seriously...I'm Kidding
- Narrated by: Ellen DeGeneres
- Length: 3 hrs and 7 mins
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Seriously...I'm Kidding
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Publisher's summary
With the winning, upbeat candor that has made her show on of the most popular and honored daytime shows on the air, beloved talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres shares her views on life, love, and American Idol.
"I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?"
Seriously...I'm Kidding is a lively, hilarious, and often sweetly poignant look at the life of the much-loved entertainer as she opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and more.
Praise for Seriously...I'm Kidding
"DeGeneres's amiably oddball riffs on everything from kale to catwalks to Jesus will make fans smile." (People)
"Whatever the topic, DeGeneres's compulsively readable style will appeal to fans old and new." (Publishers Weekly)
"Fans will not be disappointed...[DeGeneres's] trademark wit and openness shine through and through." (Kirkus)
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 794
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
-
Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,572
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,984
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,954
Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
-
Kiss and Tell
- By: Shannon Tweed, Jules McCarron
- Narrated by: Shannon Tweed
- Length: 3 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 352
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 287
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 282
In this long-awaited autobiography, one of the most beautiful women in the world tells her story, from growing up on a mink ranch in Newfoundland with six brothers and sisters to raising two children with a rock star in Beverly Hills. One of the most popular and best-known Playboy pin-ups ever, Shannon Tweed burst on the scene in the 80s as Playmate of the Year and Hugh Hefner's love interest. She soon became a successful actress, appearing in countless movies and television series.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Interesting listen.
- By KRG on 01-22-11
By: Shannon Tweed, and others
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There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 575
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 360
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Story4 out of 5 stars 355
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
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Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 75
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 67
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 67
In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
-
Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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#IMomSoHard
- By: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Narrated by: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,802
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,578
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,566
In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
-
My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 333
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 293
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 294
In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
-
Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 438
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 400
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 398
Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
By: Louie Anderson
-
If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
- By: Julia Sweeney
- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 196
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 176
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 175
Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
I Love Julia Sweeney
- By Lisa on 04-05-13
By: Julia Sweeney
-
What Doesn't Kill You
- By: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Narrated by: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 108
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 87
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 86
What Doesn't Kill You is the story of how Thomasina Hodges, a.k.a. Tee, loses her job and finds herself. Tee's evolution after her sudden and unexpected outplacement, is loosely based on the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, relinquishing, readjusting, and reinvesting. For Tee, losing her job is like a death, but with time, and some bumps, bruises and a new attitude, she comes out on the other side, having reassessed what's important in her life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Excellent story
- By Doris Greene on 04-11-24
By: Virginia DeBerry, and others
-
Throw Out Fifty Things
- Clear The Clutter, Find Your Life
- By: Gail Blanke
- Narrated by: Gail Blanke
- Length: 3 hrs and 35 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 148
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 91
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 91
Throw Out Fifty Things is truly an eye-opener. According to Blanke, our lives are so filled with junk from the past--from dried up tubes of crazy glue to old grudges--that's it's a wonder we can get up in the morning, never mind go to work, care for our children and parents, and just put one foot in front of the other. Blanke wants to start a movement of people across America throwing out 50 things (magazines count as one!) that will help liberate us from the stuff - both physical and mental - that clutters our lives.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
So useful, listened to it a 2nd time right away.
- By Zeus on 02-02-10
By: Gail Blanke
-
A Little Bit Wicked
- Life, Love, and Faith in Stages
- By: Kristin Chenoweth
- Narrated by: Kristin Chenoweth
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 481
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 309
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 310
In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
- By Holly on 10-01-09
-
Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
-
The Admissions
- A Novel
- By: Meg Mitchell Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 453
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 400
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 404
The Hawthorne family has it all. Great jobs, a beautiful house in one of the most affluent areas of Northern California, and three charming kids whose sunny futures are all but assured. And then comes their eldest daughter's senior year of high school....
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Anything for success
- By JillHen on 09-13-15
-
I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 463
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 402
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
-
The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 44
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 33
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 32
Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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3 out of 5 stars
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sad to even be writing this review :(
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In the mid-70s, Steve Martin exploded onto the comedy scene. By 1978 he was the biggest concert draw in the history of stand-up. In 1981 he quit forever. Born Standing Up is, in his own words, the story of "why I did stand-up and why I walked away".
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At age four, Molly Shannon’s world was shattered when she lost her mother, baby sister, and cousin in a car accident with her father at the wheel. Held together by her tender and complicated relationship with her grieving father, Molly was raised in a permissive household where her gift for improvising and role-playing blossomed alongside the fearlessness that would lead her to become a celebrated actress.
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Molly is a superstar!!!
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Riveting Life Story of Sally Field's
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"In the summer of 1991 I was a normal kid. I did normal things. I had friends and a mother who loved me. I was just like you. Until the day my life was stolen. For eighteen years I was a prisoner. I was an object for someone to use and abuse. For eighteen years I was not allowed to speak my own name. I became a mother and was forced to be a sister. For eighteen years I survived an impossible situation. On August 26, 2009, I took my name back. My name is Jaycee Lee Dugard. I dont think of myself as a victim. I survived...."
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Terrific
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In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history.
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Lack of transparency
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What listeners say about Seriously...I'm Kidding
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- connie watts
- 02-11-17
refreshing!!
this book made me fall asleep when counting sheep, and made me want to drink a lot of tequila... seriously.. I am kidding.....
OK truth is, I loved this audio book. it made me smile and I could not stop listening.. xoxoxo thanks Ellen.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kyle
- 12-19-11
GREAT, as always!
Have you listened to any of Ellen DeGeneres’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Ellen is always entertaining. This one is every bit as good as her previous audiobooks. I wondered if it would be too similar, but I really liked this one, too. Laughter really is important, and you'll get a real lift from this book
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Chrissy Kwak
- 10-18-19
Aaaaaaaaaaamzing!
Ellen is the kindest, most heartfelt human I’ve ever listened to..is say met, but that’s just a dream of mine. She seriously gets me through some of life’s most challenging days/nights. Ellen has made me believe there are kind people out in this crazy world!! Also, she’s made me feel that it’s OK to say NO sometimes..or even be more kind to others or even preach about being kind and pursue others to be kind!! I love Ellen, she’s such an inspiration! ❤️
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Angela Beiermann
- 01-18-20
I'm not a big reader, but I'm a good listener.
Ellen is hilarious! I got a few good laughs, some ok laughs and lots of wonderful laughs from listening to this book. 🤣😉
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- JDC
- 03-13-18
Funny. Ridiculous in a hilarious way!
Funny and entertaining, Ellen's silly side shines! Made me smile and laugh while gardening (thank you Ellen) and doing other stuff! :-)
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 06-26-18
Funny as always
Funny, entertaining and sometimes wacky. Just what you would expect from Ellen. Her performance of it is like listening to her tv show's monologue.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance2 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Kunde
- 07-23-19
Funny but out of content
Ellen is funny and has a wonderful voice. The message is weak and not really interesting.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Melissa
- 04-20-17
Great book
This is such a funny book. I love Ellen and now I love her more!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Osman Badran
- 06-22-20
I was smiling throughout the whole book
A great talk about happiness sandwiched in Ellen’s sense of humor. I never thought she’d be as much entertaining as her talk show.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Katie
- 08-26-18
If you want your book to flow, this isnt for you
I struggled to finish this book. It went on many random tangents which didn't add to the story. There wasn't a flow at all. If you want a book to just have something to listen to and have a few laughs, I recommend it, but I don't for the people who like structure. I love Ellen, but I am just being honest.
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