We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access.
Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I've Learned | [Alan Alda]

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I've Learned

He's one of America's most recognizable and acclaimed actors: a star on Broadway, an Oscar nominee for The Aviator, and the only person to ever win Emmys for acting, writing, and directing, during his 11 years on M*A*S*H. Now Alan Alda has written a memoir as elegant, funny, and affecting as his greatest performances.
Regular Price:$27.93
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Your Likes make Audible better!

'Likes' are shared on Facebook and Audible.com. We use your 'likes' to improve Audible.com for all our listeners.

You can turn off Audible.com sharing from your Account Details page.

OK

Publisher's Summary

He's one of America's most recognizable and acclaimed actors: a star on Broadway, an Oscar nominee for The Aviator, and the only person to ever win Emmys for acting, writing, and directing, during his 11 years on M*A*S*H. Now Alan Alda has written a memoir as elegant, funny, and affecting as his greatest performances.

"My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was six," begins Alda's irresistible story. The son of a popular actor and a loving but mentally ill mother, he spent his early childhood backstage in the erotic and comic world of burlesque and went on, after early struggles, to achieve extraordinary success in his profession.

Yet Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is not a memoir of show-business ups and downs. It is a moving and funny story of a boy growing into a man who then realizes he has only just begun to grow.

It is the story of turning points in Alda's life, events that would make him what he is, if only he could survive them.

From the moment as a boy when his dead dog is returned from the taxidermist's shop with a hideous expression on his face, and he learns that death can't be undone, to the decades-long effort to find compassion for the mother he lived with but never knew, to his acceptance of his father, both personally and professionally, Alda learns the hard way that change, uncertainty, and transformation are what life is made of, and true happiness is found in embracing them.

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, filled with curiosity about nature, good humor, and honesty, is the crowning achievement of an actor, author, and director, but surprisingly, it is the story of a life more filled with turbulence and laughter than any Alda has ever played on the stage or screen.

©2005 Alan Alda; (P)2005 Books on Tape, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"A brief but entertaining autobiography tempered with humility and a depth rarely found in celebrity memoirs." (Publishers Weekly)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.7 (316 )
5 star
 (88)
4 star
 (110)
3 star
 (75)
2 star
 (26)
1 star
 (17)
Overall
3.9 (53 )
5 star
 (19)
4 star
 (18)
3 star
 (12)
2 star
 (1)
1 star
 (3)
Story
4.1 (52 )
5 star
 (23)
4 star
 (16)
3 star
 (9)
2 star
 (1)
1 star
 (3)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Lois A. Rose Tall Timbers, MD 01-17-07
    Lois A. Rose Tall Timbers, MD 01-17-07 Member Since 2003

    sistergeek

    HELPFUL VOTES
    42
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    87
    6
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Wish I Had Known"

    I wish I had read the reviews before purchasing this audiobook. I enjoyed the story very much, but wish I had known there is another version read by Alan Alda himself. Although Marc Cashman is a goood reader, I could here Mr Alda's style in the prose and kept imagining what it would be like to hear him read it. The material needs his unique way of delivering his lines to bring the story to life.

    6 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jane Estevan, SK, Canada 04-26-06
    Jane Estevan, SK, Canada 04-26-06 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
    40
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    14
    14
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    "A revealing and honest memoir"

    If you are expecting a tantalizing tell all, you will be sorely disapointed. Alda is merciful to his famous friends, mentioning them only to praise them. He is not nearly so kind to himself. He is honest in his portrait of his early life and the mental illness his mother suffered. All of the poignant episodes of this well loved actor's life are handled with grace and the famous Alda humor. I only wish that more time had been spent discussing M*A*S*H, which was perhaps his greatest contribution to popular culture. However all in all, this is a well done and witty memoir.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Patricia Tucson, AZ, USA 11-09-05
    Patricia Tucson, AZ, USA 11-09-05
    HELPFUL VOTES
    3
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    8
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "My purchase of this book was a bit of a mistake."

    I wasn't reading as carefully as I should have been, before I hit the Audible purchase button. This is the version Not personally read by Alan Alda, so it was a bit of a shock when I started listening to the book last night. It is interesting so far, but it was a disappointment, as I am a very big fan of Mr. Alda's work and love to hear his voice. So, why are there two different narrations? I should have just borrowed the book from the local public library where I could imagine Mr. Alda's voice reading to me.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Suzanne C. Bangor, PA, USA 10-07-05
    Suzanne C. Bangor, PA, USA 10-07-05
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Made my commute easier to take"

    I have an hour commute each way to and from work. This was my first audiobook and, for the first time, I couldn't wait to get in my car to commute to/from work. I didn't mind the traffic jams, because it allowed me to listen to this story longer.

    I probably would never have bought this in hardcopy book (I tend to be restless and can't sit still long enough to read), but I'm glad I picked this one as my first audiobook. I really enjoyed the story!

    6 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    William Austin, TX, USA 01-22-08
    William Austin, TX, USA 01-22-08
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    6
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Sometimes hilarious memoir"

    Alan Alda has written an interesting memoir about a remarkable childhood. It's hard to imagine a childhood so alien, so removed from mainstream American culture, surrounded by naked women and bawdy vaudeville comics, spent on trains rattling around the country in the middle of the night, from one seedy venue to the next. I really got a feel for the experience listening to this book. What I find really compelling, however, is the self-deprecating humor sprinkled throughout the book. As a Hollywood memoir Alda is refreshingly honest and introspective about his talents, his intellect, and his ego. His frustration and frequent anger towards his mentally ill mother is presented very candidly. And he doesn't take himself too seriously. At times this is laugh out loud hilarious.

    I do wish Alda had read the memoir himself, however, because he has such a distinctive writing voice, and his voice itself is so familiar from all those years on television, that it's frankly weird hearing someone else's voice telling his life in the first person. The only way I can describe the reader of this book's voice quality is, if Martin Sheen was really really gay, he'd sound like the guy that read this book. That's not a slur, just an observation. I'm gay myself.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brett Southington, CT, USA 11-01-05
    Brett Southington, CT, USA 11-01-05
    HELPFUL VOTES
    18
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    27
    6
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Alan is a better actor than writer."

    This book was OK, but definitely not a must read. The narration (although not Alan) was pretty good. The story itself was a little boring at times though. I'm a big fan of Alan the actor, but I don't care too much for his writing.

    3 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Capsaicin 10-24-05
    Capsaicin 10-24-05 Listener Since 2004
    HELPFUL VOTES
    36
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    21
    4
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    0
    Overall
    "Why didn't Alan Alda narrate it?"

    I mean really... He would have done a thousand times better job reading his own life. Not to mention adding the reality this book deserves.

    7 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Claudia Denver, CO, USA 11-03-05
    Claudia Denver, CO, USA 11-03-05 Member Since 2004
    HELPFUL VOTES
    2
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    2
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    1
    Overall
    "Disappointing"

    The reader of this book tried to imitate Alan Alda's voice, and it was very annoying. I had a hard time getting through the book because of the narration. The book itself was disappointing, as I believe Alan Alda has much more depth than this book portrays.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    James Kooyong, Australia 11-16-10
    James Kooyong, Australia 11-16-10
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    3
    1
    Overall
    "It Seems Everyone Bought This Product By Accident"

    The book is a fantastic memoir - funny, clever and engaging. But reading through the reviews, it looks like everyone here bought this book assuming that Alan Alda would be narrating it. Including me. Don't buy this version. The one where Alda reads it himself is infinitely better.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer North Tonawanda, NY, United States 10-14-10
    Jennifer North Tonawanda, NY, United States 10-14-10
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    2
    Overall
    "Great Book with one Major Flaw"

    I have been a fan of Alan Alda for years, I have enjoyed his work and I have wanted to know more about his life. This book was all that I could hope for and more. I learned not only things about Alda, but things about myself! I saw myself in his life and for a time almost forgot that it was his life I was listening about!

    The only flaw in this book is a major one though. Alan Alda DOESN'T read this book! Marc Cashman reads it instead. Cashman is a great reader, and I would be glad to hear him in another book, however, this is the story of Alan Alda and his life - he should read it! There were several spots in the book where Cashman almost becomes Alan Alda, but he never quite makes it. I don't think he quite understood what it meant to be Alan Alda and it shows through his performance.

    I can't speculate why Alda doesn't read this book, however, it does clearly hurt it. If he had read it, it might have been one of my all-time favorite books that I have purchased on Audible. Sadly, as it stands, it is only a good book. Which saddens me because I can see the potential for greatness.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-10 of 23 results PREVIOUS123NEXT
Sort by:
  • Caroline
    Aylesbury, United Kingdom
    8/22/11
    Overall
    "would have been better read by the author"

    Charming biography, but autobiography as an audio book needs to be read by the author, otherwise it loses something of its authenticity. I missed Alan Alda's distinctive voice on this.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • caz
    Belfast, United Kingdom
    8/15/11
    Overall
    "Could have been amazing. Sad shame."

    Totally not impressed with the narrator. UGH. Could have been amazing.
    I would have given it no stars if i could have. I want a refund!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • David
    BridgendUnited Kingdom
    11/19/07
    Overall
    "Read it don't listen"

    Really enjoyed the biography of Alda which I found facinating. The book was full of humour and anecdotes but these were ruined by the poor timing and monotonous sounding voice of the narrator. Shame Alda had not chosen to read his own book.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Ron
    Watford, United Kingdom
    7/9/13
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Like An Old Friend"
    What made the experience of listening to Never Have Your Dog Stuffed the most enjoyable?

    Whatever I was doing, driving, commuting or with feet up this was really like sitting in a comfortable old armchair, with a nice fine Malt or Cognac and just being taken on a journey in which you could have been there.

    Nothing earth-shattering ever happens, no impossible crises, dramas or cliff-hanger-chapter-endings. Instead we role gently through some ups and downs of everyday life - getting close to bad times but then being swept back to good memories.

    And so it's a peaceful refuge, happy endings just round the corner and with the energy and amiability of the persona of Alda that you see, whether promoting science or being an alter ego.

    So, don't get me wrong, a lot has happened in Alda's life, but as a read, or an audio book, it is a gently rolling soap opera that pleases and delights.


    What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)

    It was over all too soon.


    What about Marc Cashman’s performance did you like?

    His cadence was just like listening to the author


    If you made a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

    "And Other Things I've Learned"!


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-4 of 4 results

    There are no listener reviews for this title yet.

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

CANCEL

Thank You

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.