Acts of Desperation

By: Megan Nolan

Narrated by: Lauren Coe

Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins

Publisher's summary

This "blistering anti-romance" (Catherine Lacey) paints a riveting, cathartic story about love addiction and what it does to us.

Wouldn’t I do anything to reverse my loss, the absence of him?

In the first scene of this provocative gut-punch of a novel, our unnamed narrator meets a magnetic writer named Ciaran and falls, against her better judgment, completely in his power. After a brief, all-consuming romance, he abruptly rejects her, sending her into a tailspin of jealous obsession and longing. If he ever comes back to her, she resolves to hang onto him and his love at all costs, even if it destroys her....

Part breathless confession, part lucid critique, Acts of Desperation renders a consciousness split between rebellion and submission, between escaping degradation and eroticizing it, between loving and being lovable. With unsettling, electric precision, Nolan dissects one of life’s most elusive mysteries: Why do we want what we want, and how do we want it?

Combining the intellectual excitement of Rachel Cusk with the emotional rawness of Elena Ferrante, Acts of Desperation interrogates the nature of desire, power, and toxic relationships, challenging us to reckon honestly with our own insatiability.

©2021 Megan Nolan (P)2021 Little, Brown & Company

Critic reviews

“Megan Nolan is a huge literary talent, and her first novel, Acts of Desperation, is a love story like no other. The writing is intense and honest, with a rare access to real life, but it is also reflective and full of insights, and with this combination the novel manages to separate the idea of love and the experience of it, and take the reader to the place where it comes into being.”—KARL OVE KNAUSGAARD

“Megan Nolan writes with piercing vulnerability and precision. Her debut novel, Acts of Desperation is a blistering anti-romance about the seductive destruction of trying to find self-worth in the gaze of another.”—CATHERINE LACEY, author of PEW and THE ANSWERS

“I devoured this book, my heart trilling with equal parts terror and exhilaration. It is an emotional thriller, a portrait of obsession—its pleasures and powerlessness, its inevitable corruption not only of integrity, but even selfhood. Nolan’s prose is cool and liquid, her content perfectly scorching. I loved this taut and torturous ode to the parts of us that persist, even as we are wrecked by love.”—MELISSA FEBOS, author of ABANDON ME and WHIP SMART

Not what I expected

I was suggested this book based on my listening history. It was a poor suggestion by audible. Probably an interesting story if you’re looking for something about anxious attachment styles

Eerily Relatable

I have lived this voice, not in sequence necessarily, but in totality. It is uncanny, intense, and the culmination of the most tragic and desperate vignettes of my long life.

Raw & Real

I love this book & how relatable and honest the character is. The writing and narration was top tier. I look forward to more from this author

Pretty Good

This was a decent book, not great but not bad. It was well written but a bit morose. If you like happy endings and likable characters, this is not the book for you. Both of the main characters seemed to have personality disorders, mutually abusive and self-destructive in their own ways.

very heartbreaking

This book was very very heartbreaking. The name of the narrator was never given, so it remains anonymous. The poor girl did anything to feel "loved" and to feel "validated". She went through so much bs and was still treated horribly by everyone. If you want to feel sad this book is the way to go.

Gorgeous, tragic

A sad yet rich portrait of what it looks like to be a young adult who is being taken advantage of while battling the world's larger forces — Nolan does an excellent job of taking us into her mind and what the thought patterns of a co-dependent, abusive relationship look like. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but if the subject matter makes you uncomfortable, you probably should look elsewhere.

Raw

A very raw and honest take on a toxic relationship, it was easy to appreciate.

A Work of Art

I found myself saying "wow" out loud, in swooning sort of way, all throughout the story. It read like one long beautiful poem. Her mind felt incredibly familiar, real, and relatable. I went out to buy a bottle of wine after it finished, and cried about how amazing and terrible it all was. I loved it, I hated it, I will never forget it.

Real and Raw

This book had my attention and it explores dark themes! An extremely toxic relationship ending.

Wonderful and tortured

This is a wonderful book about the profound exploration of a young woman's sexual and emotional experience with a cold, emotionally abusive and critical but handsome man, Ciaran. It's in the genre of My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh and Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan Novels. I loved this so much because it has psychological depth and I'm bored by anything else (yes, I'm a psychologist).

There are those who will attempt this book and think it's too self absorbed - so stay away from this if the deep, rich, inner life of women doesn't interest you. Probably most men won't like this. But if you liked the other books I mentioned, you'll love this too, I'm sure.

Now I've just got to find more of equal quality!