In Modern Manners, cultural guru P. J. O'Rourke provides the essential accessory for the truly contemporary man or woman - a rulebook for living in a world without rules. Traditionally, good manners were a means of becoming as bland and invisible as everyone else, and thus of avoiding calling attention to one's own awkwardness and stupidity.
This might sound funny to you right now, but what if it happens? You would be glad you have listened to this book. Plus, it is possible for you to use some ideas here for real emergencies, like typhoons, tsunami or earthquake. How Zombies Come into Being. You must have seen at least a dozen films depicting zombies eating flesh and taking over an entire metropolis, but, hey, where do zombies originate and why do they enjoy eating brains that much?
A plague of mutant grasshoppers is invading American suburbia. An underground suicide cult is gaining national prominence. Gangs of teenage boys with blow torches run amok. But what really has 14-year-old Edie Stein distracted from her town's annual Feminine Woman of Conscience Pageant is Lana Grimaldi, the sexy girl next door. How does a feminine woman of conscience deal with her?
Laughter is always the best medicine! If you love the comedy of Robin Williams and need a laugh, this book is for you! Robin Williams' 100 Greatest Jokes is a collection of Williams' funniest punchlines expanding his entire career, from his funniest movies to his brilliant stand-up comedy routines. Although the world lost Robin Williams in 2014, his comedic genius lives on in this hilarious keepsake.
The following stories are included in this audio: 1. "The Soldier"; 2. "Basic Paradise"; 3. "The Prison"; 4. "Front Porch"; 5. "WAR"; 6. "Team Work"; 7. "From My Brother"; 8. "The Wind"; 9. "The Game"; 10. "Altitude"; 11. "Silk"; 12. "The 50's".
The following chapters are included in this audio: The Beginning; 2. Vengeance; 3. Flying; 4. The Freeway; 5. The Space Racer; 6. Roller Rink; 7. Nebula Hunting; 8. I'm Alright; 9. The Race; 10. Dear Laddie; 11. The Sun Run; 12. Eve; 13. Crash Landing.
The following stories are included in this audio: 1. "The Ocean"; 2. "The Desert"; 3. "New York"; 4. "Tony"; 5. "Orange Blossom Special"; 6. "The Janitor"; 7. "Look out Good"; 8. "Whole in Space"; 9. "Maggie"; 10. "The Loser"; 11. "Girl Who Rides Horses"; 12. "Cowboy"; 13. "NFWP"; 14. "Valley"; 15. "Just for Fun"; 16. "End Tag Geoffrey".
The following stories are included in this audio: 1. the Connection; 2. US Trip; 3. Arrangar V; 4. Santa; 5. Letters From the Revolution-Dear Mollie; 6. Atlantis; 7. Dad; 8. Mom; 9. Seven Year Date; 10. Sub and the Bull; 11. Janitor III: The Vacation; 12. The Wedding.
Dominique Wilkins has used actual events to demonstrate the extent of human's rudeness, inconsideration, and downright unkindness toward friends, family, and neighbors. You'll identify with the stories and want to contribute a "The Audacity of You!" tale or two from your own experiences. Indeed, the appeal of The Audacity of You! lies in the fact that we've all been there.
The following chapters are included in this audio: 1. The Intersection; 2. The Janitor; 3. Horses; 4. Space Princess; 5. The Ocean; 6. The Loser; 7. The Wall; 8. The Valley.
An improv comedian all his life, and a standup comedian for over 15 years, Dave Gutteridge combines his comedy experience with the latest scientific research on humor and the human brain to offer his take on what exactly it is that makes us laugh. Whether you're trying to get a little funnier, on stage or in daily life, or if you're just curious about humor and laughter, this book will provide insights not only on how and why we laugh, but on how we relate.
At the turn of the millennium, Holly's lifelong dream of writing music for a major orchestra quickly spirals into a hellish nightmare. Ensnared in a tangled web of deceit at the highest levels of Government, the beautiful 30-year-old composer is sucked into a lion's den of debauchery from which there is only one avenue of escape. When a suppressed childhood memory rears its ugly head she wreaks vengeance on the psycho ex-rock star who violates her.
This is a satirical take on relationship self-help books and get-rich-quick guides designed to make you laugh and to raise awareness about the complex motivations and social dynamics behind men's latent self-destructive tendencies to give up everything for a girl with a pretty smile and dimples. On the other hand, it is also a get-rich-quick guide for women on the fine art of breaking down a man's defenses to max out his credit cards and liquidate his whole net worth.
"Sometimes the best comedy are unsavory truths"
There are a great many horror stories from people who have stayed in hotels and had a miserable experience. No offense to those people, but working there isn't all rainbows and sausages either. The front desk, usually the first and last point of contact, is where the vast majority of foolishness takes place. And the front desk agent is witness to it all. One of those front desk agents was me.
"A.I.": A young programmer works long hours in the lab on the latest A.I. project. Funny that he can't ever remember leaving... "Gorblat's Jig": It's alien abduction meets fishing derby in this hilarious short subject. Recorded before a live audience. "A Distant Land": Years after leaving the planetary colony where she grew up, a woman returns as an Inspector General, only to discover that things have changed beyond imagining in this sci fi drama.
"The customer is always right" - or so anyone who has ever worked in any service industry is repeatedly told. In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact, with customers like these, then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink - perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined - and enjoy some of the strangest, most ridiculous, and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life.
Just imagine if you had only 800 words or less to use. How would you use them? There is no better way to use 800 words or less than to use them to praise and worship the tobacco industry.
One man's humorous, true-life quest for meaning in unlikely places such as a UFO sighting in West Virginia, a birdwalk with a crack addict, a vision on a mount, flying a hundred feet off the ground at a peyote ceremony, meeting the Buddha and coming face to face with an incarnation of Divine Mother. From the profound to the profane, from the sacred to the downright bizarre, Jay Nuzum leads you along the footpath of an Everyman trying to find his way through the beguiling maze of an American life.
The legend of comedy returns in 2014 with his biggest and funniest show yet. Monsters is the frightening funny audiobook from one of the biggest names in British comedy filmed during his ambitious 2014 tour. Lee's manic energy, uncanny observations, hilarious delivery, and side-splitting material have made his live performances a must-see for comedy fans worldwide and Monsters sees Lee back doing what he does best, proving once again why he is a record-breaking comic and one of the nation's best!
When I first met William Murrell he asked me…"Have you seen Michael Jackson before?" Clearly I was not one of the lucky few. He then said, "He's plastic, man! His whole face was a color that you have never seen before. I'm serious. He looked just like a Frankenstein." I could not stop laughing. If the King of Pop, the Human Frankenstein, was not enough to brighten my day, he then told me about the muminized body of James Brown that Michael "played with" in the Funeral Home.
"Great narration funny and interesting book"
Emmy Award-winning actor Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcom in the Middle) follows in the exasperated footsteps of Samuel L. Jackson, giving voice to the long-suffering father whose indifferent child will just not eat in this hilarious follow-up to Adam Mansbach's international best seller, Go the F--k to Sleep.
"Another role that Bryan Cranston plays to a T."
Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told....
"Tina Fey broke my new SUV"
Infused with her trademark saucy, sweet, and funny voice, Grace’s Guide is a tongue-in-cheek handbook for millennials, encompassing everything a young or new (or regular or old) adult needs to know, from surviving a breakup to recovering from a hangover. Read by the author in her inimitable style, Grace’s Guide features interactive elements and exclusive stories from Grace’s own misadventures - like losing her virginity solely because her date took her to a Macaroni Grill - and many other hilarious lessons she learned the hard way.
"Better than I had even hoped!"
Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet ("choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover") and decrying the worst offenders ("kale is the early morning of foods"). Fans flocked to his New York Times best-selling book Dad Is Fat to hear him riff on fatherhood but now, in his second book, he will give them what they really crave - his thoughts on all things culinary(ish).
"Funny, but read more like a series of jokes"
For many years, television comedy was an exclusive boys' club - until a brilliant comedian named Carol Leifer came along, blazing a trail for funny women everywhere. From Late Night with David Letterman and Saturday Night Live to Seinfeld, The Ellen Show, and Modern Family, Carol has written for and/or performed on some of the best TV comedies of all time. This hilarious collection of essays charts her extraordinary three-decade journey through show business, illuminating her many triumphs and some missteps along the way.
"The funniest business book ever!"
Academy Award nominee Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) rocks this mock bedtime story, capturing a hilarious range of emotions as the voice of a father struggling to get his child to sleep. Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.
"Read the F--king REVIEW!"
Master storyteller and satirist Kurt Vonnegut was one of the most in-demand commencement speakers of his time. For each occasion, Vonnegut’s words were unfailingly unique, insightful, and witty, and they stayed with audience members long after graduation. As edited by Dan Wakefield, this book reads like a narrative in the unique voice that made Vonnegut a hero to readers and listeners of all ages. At times hilarious, razor-sharp, freewheeling, and deeply serious, these reflections are ideal for anyone undergoing what Vonnegut would call their "long-delayed puberty ceremony".
"This IS nice"
From the unique perspective of David Sedaris comes a new collection of essays taking his listeners on a bizarre and stimulating world tour. From the perils of French dentistry to the eating habits of the Australian kookaburra, from the squat-style toilets of Beijing to the particular wilderness of a North Carolina Costco, we learn about the absurdity and delight of a curious traveler's experiences.
"Devout Fan Disappointed"
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
"Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads"
American writer Samuel Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain has given us some literary gems with Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn and his travel adventures in 19th-century Europe and to Australia and New Zealand. In How to Tell a Story and Other Essays, Twain discusses the telling of stories, rather than providing more stories.
"I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?" (Ellen DeGeneres)
"Not so much."
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
"Could not stop listening"
David Sedaris' collection of essays - including live recordings! - tells a most unconventional life story. With every clever turn of a phrase, Sedaris brings a view and a voice like no other to every unforgettable encounter. You can also listen to Sedaris in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.
"You will ROFL"
From the outrageously filthy and oddly innocent comedienne Sarah Silverman comes a memoir—her first book—that is at once shockingly personal, surprisingly poignant, and still pee-in-your-pants funny. If you like Sarah’s television show The Sarah Silverman Program, or memoirs such as Chelsea Handler’s Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea and Artie Lange’s Too Fat to Fish, you’ll love The Bedwetter.
"Adequate but not great..."
In his newest collection of essays, David Sedaris lifts the corner of ordinary life, revealing the absurdity teeming below its surface. His world is alive with obscure desires and hidden motives, a world where forgiveness is automatic and an argument can be the highest form of love. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim is another unforgettable collection from one of the wittiest and most original writers at work today.
"Read on...Hilarity Ensues"
If one George Carlin audio is funny, then two are funnier and three must be funniest, right? That's our thinking behind this new collection. t's a HighBridge library of laugh-out-loud, award-winning recordings featuring George himself performing many of his best bits.
"Like a Cast of Thousands"
In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
"Just Plain FUNNYYYY!!!!!!!!!"
Book store nation, in the history of mankind there has never been a greater country than America. You could say we're the number one nation at being the best at greatness. But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around - we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders.
"Funny as usual"
Dirk Gently has an unshakeable belief in the interconnectedness of all things, but his Holistic Detective Agency mainly succeeds in tracking down missing cats for old ladies. Then Dirk stumbles upon an old friend behaving bizarrely - and he's drawn into a four-billion-year-old mystery that must be solved if the human race is to avoid immediate extinction.
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
"How the Bloggess almost made me crash my car!"
God Is Disappointed in You is for people who would like to read the Bible...if it would just cut to the chase. Stripped of its arcane language and interminable passages, every book of the Bible is condensed down to its core message, in no more than a few pages each. Written by Mark Russell with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers.
"The Bible without all the fluff."
Queue up these hilarious real-life stories from the video clerking trenches. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wash your hands. No rewinding required!
As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.
"I Guess You Had to Be There?"
Screw Everyone is comedian Ophira Eisenberg's wisecracking account of how she spent most of her life saying "yes" to everything - and everyone - and how that attitude ultimately helped her overcome her phobia of commitment. Skeptical about long-term relationships, Eisenberg approached dating as a sort of research experiment from early on: She spent her twenties traveling from futon to futon and gathering data, figuring that one day she'd put it all together somehow and build her own perfect Frankenmate.
"Best Audiobook EVER... and I'm not even done yet."
Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents features outrageous and uncensored profiles of the men in the White House - complete with hundreds of little-known, politically incorrect, and downright wacko facts.
Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
Mark Twain composed this short essay on the "art of lying" in 1885 for a meeting of the Historical and Antiquarian Club of Hartford, Connecticut. In the essay, Twain laments the four ways in which men of America's Gilded Age employ man's "most faithful friend". The essay, Twain notes, was "offered for the thirty-dollar prize," but it "did not take the prize."
P.J. O’Rourke began writing funny things in 1960s underground newspapers, became editor-in-chief of National Lampoon, then spent 20 years reporting for Rolling Stone and The Atlantic Monthly as the world’s only trouble spot humorist, going to wars, riots, rebellions, and other "Holidays in Hell” in more than 40 countries.
"Do not bother"
Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
Downton Abbey has brought out the Anglophile in American fans of the hit TV series. But Anglophilia has a long history in America. Why are some native-born residents of our Shining City Upon a Hill, where All Men Are Created Equal, seduced by the fluting tones of manor-born privilege? At last, Anglophilia explained - in American, thank you.
"Failure to achieve objective."
Actor Stephen Tobolowsky has appeared in over 200 movies and television shows. He has played everyone from Ned Ryerson in Groundhog Day to Sandy Ryerson in Glee. He has amused thousands with his true stories on The Tobolowsky Files at Slashfilm.com and iTunes. Here he shares some homespun philosophy and more true stories that prove tales of sex, drugs, and rock and roll are often the most humiliating and almost always the most enjoyable.
The antidote to those cotton-candy platitudes that are all too familiar to anyone who’s ever worn a mortarboard, Wheelan’s 10 head-turning aphorisms - backed up by a PhD in public policy and extensive social science research - set the record straight. Readers everywhere agreed, turning a Dartmouth Class Day speech that had gone viral into a best-selling book.
"Wish I had someone tell me all of these things"
Gazing into the bathroom mirror one morning while shaving, Josh Kornbluth realizes that he looks remarkably like the guy on the $100 bill. Like any good Jewish son, he immediately calls his mother. From there he becomes obsessed with what it means to be a founding father, especially when your own father/son relationship (Ben had an illegitimate son named William who was a British loyalist during the Revolutionary War) is more than a bit strained.
Chances are you've been there before: On an awkward first date where you find yourself stuck playing 20 questions with a person who has broccoli stuck in their teeth, or the one who shows up so on-the-rocks wasted that they end up passed out in their bowl of clam chowder before the main course arrives. All My Friends Are Engaged is a collection of dating disaster stories, packed with witty and relatable answers to the age-old annoying question of "Why are you still single?"
They love nothing better than sipping free-trade gourmet coffee, leafing through the Sunday New York Times, and listening to David Sedaris on NPR (ideally all at the same time). Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees. They believe they're unique, yet somehow they're all exactly the same.
"Bland simply bland!!!!"
Beth Lisick started out as a homecoming princess with a Crisco-aided tan and a bad perm. And then everything changed. Plunging headlong into America's deepest subcultures, while keeping both feet firmly planted in her parents' Leave It to Beaver values, Lisick makes her adult home on the fringe of mainstream culture and finds it rich with paradox and humor. Fans of David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell will relish Lisick's scathingly funny, smart, very real take on the effluvia of daily living.