Chuck Restic hates his job. A 20-year career working in the risk-averse world of human resources for a large corporation has left him comfortably numb...and incredibly bored. So when a coworker goes missing without a trace, Chuck ventures out of the confines of his Los Angeles skyscraper into the great city down below. His search for the missing man leads him from the shady underworld of Armenian mobsters to the billion-dollar land developments that serve as the lifeblood of the city. Murder lurks at every turn.
In 2012 Pete Sortwell did something no one had ever done before: He wrote a book based entirely on Amazon product reviews. The book was so successful, he wrote a series. The series was so successful, he spent the next year releasing other projects he'd been working on. Now, for the first time, the stories he wrote while learning his craft are available.
They came in peace; unfortunately the good folks of Little Lump, Texas, didn't get the memo. They're really embarrassed, especially Gertie, who managed to shoot down several of the alien's space ships with her holy land-to-air rocket launcher. Little did she realize in doing so that she would be unknowingly creating a far bigger danger for Little Lump that could spell doom for them all.
The award-winning podcast Tell 'Em Steve Dave brings you four of the most righteous, grooviest tales of the flyest, dopest baadasssss albino bruthah that ever was and ever will be! From the creators of the Audible best-selling Fair-re-re Tale Theater, join us on an adventure through time and space.
A hilarious short story of a first date gone awry by multiple Lambda Literary Award finalist Jerry Wheeler.
Penguin presents the unabridged, downloadable, audiobook edition of Let's Re-Great Britain, by Al Murray, read by Al Murray. Al Murray grabbed the headlines when he announced his intention to stand in the UK General Election as his most famous creation, the 'Pub Landlord', for the newly-formed Free United Kingdom Party. He will be contesting the seat of South Thanet against UKIP leader Nigel Farage, in a battle that is sure to see comedy and clashes from now until polling day.
Following in the fire trails of his first two raucous assortments of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll stories, author DJ Ass Maggots spins a third literary record off the presses, this one affectionately titled Cupcake Factory. It delivers a playlist of semiautobiographical stories organized into five major parties, and the beat never stops.
Nick Hornby's novel Funny Girl is set in Blackpool, England, in 1964. It tells the story of 21-year-old Barbara Parker: a beautiful blonde who wants to become a comedic actress like Lucille Ball. Barbara wins the Miss Blackpool beauty pageant. She wants to get out of Blackpool more than anything.
It is a collection of jokes and stories. These jokes can be listened to and/or played to people who live with, work with, or love others. The material is helpful to mind and body. It is funny, tasteful, and likely to make most people laugh out loud.
Keeping the Upper Paw: A Cat's Guide to Training Your Human is a humorous look at life, humans, and living with humans through the eyes of a cat. All of the cats in this book were once a part of the family, cohabiting together in the household of Ms. Moran and Ms. Bishop.
Alida Nugent graduated college with a degree in one hand and a drink in the other, eager to trade in parties and all-nighters for "the real world". But post-grad wasn't the glam life she imagined. Soon buried under a pile of bills, laundry, and three-dollar bottles of wine, it quickly became clear that she had no idea what she was doing. But hey, what twentysomething does?
It's been a year since their last outing. Brian, Ethel, and Father Frederick are back with more village idiocy. Frederick has injured his nipples in a vicious moped accident whilst on his honeymoon and no longer feels like a man. He's taken up the drink again and is making people's lives a misery with his antics again.
Not only is Graham Peterson unlucky in his choice of careers, he's also been terrible with women throughout his adult life. That changes when he meets Alison on a work night out. Unfortunately for Graham, however, things change so drastically that within a month of dating Alison he gets the news that he's about to become a father for the first time.
"What to expect when your expecting Daddy version:"
Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937) was an American author of more than 30 books and more than 2,000 stories and essays. He is best known for his famous short story "Pigs Is Pigs", in which a bureaucratic stationmaster insists on levying the livestock rate for a shipment of two pet guinea pigs, which soon start proliferating exponentially.
Hemorrhoids suck big time! Hemorrhoids feel terrible! Hemorrhoids hurt!
"Hits the very fundament of your being deeply."
I'm not sure what species she was or if she was even from Earth. Why did I marry her? And why the hell did I ever f--k her?
Take a journey unlike any you've taken before with Illiturature Books. When has a book ever showed you the view from the top of Mount Everest or accompanied you to the moon or picked up lunch? But you'll find all of that and much more in the first title by Illiturature Books: The Most Amazing Book You've Ever Heard in Your Entire Life...just make sure you're worth it.
The story "A Royal Compliment" by Mark Twain was included in the collection The Curious Republic of Gondour and Other Whimsical Sketches. In Twain's stories we can find notes of social satire. He traveled a lot and understood how imperfect humans are. In this story the author speculates on politics.
It's the summer of 2015, Brooklyn. The city is sweltering from another record-breaking heat wave, this one accompanied by biblical rains. Edith, a recently retired legal librarian, and her identical twin sister, Kat, a feckless romantic who's mistaken her own eccentricity for originality, discover something ominous in their hall closet. It seems to be phosphorescent; it's a mushroom...and it's sprouting from their wall.
An uproariously funny examination of what one generation can teach to another - or not - from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times - best-selling author of You Can Date Boys When You're Forty and Insane City. During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has gained much wisdom* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed), and he is eager to pass it on - to the next generation, the generation after that, and those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience.
"sobbing laughing several times at work"
Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told....
"Tina Fey broke my new SUV"
"I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?" (Ellen DeGeneres)
"Not so much."
Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever.
"With its shortcomings, still well worth the wait"
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
"Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads"
God Is Disappointed in You is for people who would like to read the Bible...if it would just cut to the chase. Stripped of its arcane language and interminable passages, every book of the Bible is condensed down to its core message, in no more than a few pages each. Written by Mark Russell with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers.
"Funny as Sin"
From the unique perspective of David Sedaris comes a new collection of essays taking his listeners on a bizarre and stimulating world tour. From the perils of French dentistry to the eating habits of the Australian kookaburra, from the squat-style toilets of Beijing to the particular wilderness of a North Carolina Costco, we learn about the absurdity and delight of a curious traveler's experiences.
"Devout Fan Disappointed"
Infused with her trademark saucy, sweet, and funny voice, Grace’s Guide is a tongue-in-cheek handbook for millennials, encompassing everything a young or new (or regular or old) adult needs to know, from surviving a breakup to recovering from a hangover. Read by the author in her inimitable style, Grace’s Guide features interactive elements and exclusive stories from Grace’s own misadventures - like losing her virginity solely because her date took her to a Macaroni Grill - and many other hilarious lessons she learned the hard way.
"Better than I had even hoped!"
Master storyteller and satirist Kurt Vonnegut was one of the most in-demand commencement speakers of his time. For each occasion, Vonnegut’s words were unfailingly unique, insightful, and witty, and they stayed with audience members long after graduation. As edited by Dan Wakefield, this book reads like a narrative in the unique voice that made Vonnegut a hero to readers and listeners of all ages. At times hilarious, razor-sharp, freewheeling, and deeply serious, these reflections are ideal for anyone undergoing what Vonnegut would call their "long-delayed puberty ceremony".
"This IS nice"
Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet ("choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover") and decrying the worst offenders ("kale is the early morning of foods"). Fans flocked to his New York Times best-selling book Dad Is Fat to hear him riff on fatherhood but now, in his second book, he will give them what they really crave - his thoughts on all things culinary(ish).
"Haven't We Heard All of This Before?"
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
"Girl walks into your heart....."
Academy Award nominee Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) rocks this mock bedtime story, capturing a hilarious range of emotions as the voice of a father struggling to get his child to sleep. Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.
"Read the F--king REVIEW!"
From the outrageously filthy and oddly innocent comedienne Sarah Silverman comes a memoir—her first book—that is at once shockingly personal, surprisingly poignant, and still pee-in-your-pants funny. If you like Sarah’s television show The Sarah Silverman Program, or memoirs such as Chelsea Handler’s Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea and Artie Lange’s Too Fat to Fish, you’ll love The Bedwetter.
"Adequate but not great..."
David Sedaris' collection of essays - including live recordings! - tells a most unconventional life story. With every clever turn of a phrase, Sedaris brings a view and a voice like no other to every unforgettable encounter. You can also listen to Sedaris in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.
"You will ROFL"
Emmy Award-winning actor Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcom in the Middle) follows in the exasperated footsteps of Samuel L. Jackson, giving voice to the long-suffering father whose indifferent child will just not eat in this hilarious follow-up to Adam Mansbach's international best seller, Go the F--k to Sleep.
"Another role that Bryan Cranston plays to a T."
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
"How the Bloggess almost made me crash my car!"
In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
"Just Plain FUNNYYYY!!!!!!!!!"
A compilation of funny, irreverently reverent stories on aligning with the Divine in daily life. For the passionately spiritual and bemusedly skeptical alike. Adapted from a popular column originally published as "San Francisco's Spiritual Examiner" at examiner.com. "What if God IS the story? What if the Divine is constantly igniting roadside flares to get our attention? What if there actually IS a Supreme Organizing Principle with a ribald and unbridled sense of humor? And what if we each have this ardent inner suitor who's writing us love letters every day that often go unopened?"
"Perfect blend of depth and humor"
In his newest collection of essays, David Sedaris lifts the corner of ordinary life, revealing the absurdity teeming below its surface. His world is alive with obscure desires and hidden motives, a world where forgiveness is automatic and an argument can be the highest form of love. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim is another unforgettable collection from one of the wittiest and most original writers at work today.
"Read on...Hilarity Ensues"
From the larger, louder half of the world-famous magic duo Penn & Teller comes a scathingly funny reinterpretation of The Ten Commandments. They are The Penn Commandments, and they reveal one outrageous and opinionated atheist’s experience in the world.
"More memoir than theology"
Queue up these hilarious real-life stories from the video clerking trenches. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wash your hands. No rewinding required!
Screw Everyone is comedian Ophira Eisenberg's wisecracking account of how she spent most of her life saying "yes" to everything - and everyone - and how that attitude ultimately helped her overcome her phobia of commitment. Skeptical about long-term relationships, Eisenberg approached dating as a sort of research experiment from early on: She spent her twenties traveling from futon to futon and gathering data, figuring that one day she'd put it all together somehow and build her own perfect Frankenmate.
"Best Audiobook EVER... and I'm not even done yet."
American writer Samuel Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain has given us some literary gems with Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn and his travel adventures in 19th-century Europe and to Australia and New Zealand. In How to Tell a Story and Other Essays, Twain discusses the telling of stories, rather than providing more stories.
Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents features outrageous and uncensored profiles of the men in the White House - complete with hundreds of little-known, politically incorrect, and downright wacko facts.
Downton Abbey has brought out the Anglophile in American fans of the hit TV series. But Anglophilia has a long history in America. Why are some native-born residents of our Shining City Upon a Hill, where All Men Are Created Equal, seduced by the fluting tones of manor-born privilege? At last, Anglophilia explained - in American, thank you.
"Failure to achieve objective."
P.J. O’Rourke began writing funny things in 1960s underground newspapers, became editor-in-chief of National Lampoon, then spent 20 years reporting for Rolling Stone and The Atlantic Monthly as the world’s only trouble spot humorist, going to wars, riots, rebellions, and other "Holidays in Hell” in more than 40 countries.
"Do not bother"
Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
Gazing into the bathroom mirror one morning while shaving, Josh Kornbluth realizes that he looks remarkably like the guy on the $100 bill. Like any good Jewish son, he immediately calls his mother. From there he becomes obsessed with what it means to be a founding father, especially when your own father/son relationship (Ben had an illegitimate son named William who was a British loyalist during the Revolutionary War) is more than a bit strained.
Mark Twain composed this short essay on the "art of lying" in 1885 for a meeting of the Historical and Antiquarian Club of Hartford, Connecticut. In the essay, Twain laments the four ways in which men of America's Gilded Age employ man's "most faithful friend". The essay, Twain notes, was "offered for the thirty-dollar prize," but it "did not take the prize."
Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
Ever since he can remember, Dom Joly has been fascinated by travel to odd places. In part this stems from a childhood spent in war-torn Lebanon, where instead of swapping marbles in the schoolyard, he had a shrapnel collection -- the schoolboy currency of Beirut. These early experiences left Dom with a profound loathing for the sanitized experiences of the modern-day travel industry and a taste for the darkest of places.
"Funny and Insightful - Not just for Travelers!"
In Modern Manners, cultural guru P. J. O'Rourke provides the essential accessory for the truly contemporary man or woman - a rulebook for living in a world without rules. Traditionally, good manners were a means of becoming as bland and invisible as everyone else, and thus of avoiding calling attention to one's own awkwardness and stupidity.
The antidote to those cotton-candy platitudes that are all too familiar to anyone who’s ever worn a mortarboard, Wheelan’s 10 head-turning aphorisms - backed up by a PhD in public policy and extensive social science research - set the record straight. Readers everywhere agreed, turning a Dartmouth Class Day speech that had gone viral into a best-selling book.
"Wish I had someone tell me all of these things"
No smartphones, no internet, no internships, no ambition, no plans, no money. Just lots of pot and cheap beer and a half-baked desire to become a hippie. Welcome to the end of the 60’s era. In 1972, David Noonan dropped out of college for no good reason, worked nights in a gas station and days in a cemetery, then quit both jobs to hitchhike west and meet up with his brother John, a natural-born rambler and a certified member of the counterculture.
They were bored, broke, burned out, and turning 40, so when Ben and Dinah saw the advert looking for a husband and wife team with young kids to write a guidebook about family travel around Britain, they jumped at the chance. With naïve visions of staring moodily across Coniston Water and savouring Cornish pasties, they embark on a mad-cap five-month trip with daughter Phoebe, four, and son Charlie, two, embracing the freedom of the open road with a spirit of discovery and an industrial supply of baby wipes.
"Laugh, Learn and Cry a Bit"
Chances are you've been there before: On an awkward first date where you find yourself stuck playing 20 questions with a person who has broccoli stuck in their teeth, or the one who shows up so on-the-rocks wasted that they end up passed out in their bowl of clam chowder before the main course arrives. All My Friends Are Engaged is a collection of dating disaster stories, packed with witty and relatable answers to the age-old annoying question of "Why are you still single?"