Hunt, Gather, Parent

What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans

By: Michaeleen Doucleff

Narrated by: Michaeleen Doucleff

Length: 11 hrs and 11 mins

Publisher's summary

New York Times Best Seller

The oldest cultures in the world have mastered the art of raising happy, well-adjusted children. What can we learn from them?

“Hunt, Gather, Parent is full of smart ideas that I immediately wanted to force on my own kids.” (Pamela Druckerman, The New York Times Book Review)

When Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff becomes a mother, she examines the studies behind modern parenting guidance and finds the evidence frustratingly limited and the conclusions often ineffective. Curious to learn about more effective parenting approaches, she visits a Maya village in the Yucatán Peninsula. There she encounters moms and dads who parent in a totally different way than we do - and raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children without yelling, nagging, or issuing timeouts. What else, Doucleff wonders, are Western parents missing out on?

In Hunt, Gather, Parent, Doucleff sets out with her three-year-old daughter in tow to learn and practice parenting strategies from families in three of the world’s most venerable communities: Maya families in Mexico, Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. She sees that these cultures don’t have the same problems with children that Western parents do. Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop - it’s built on cooperation instead of control, trust instead of fear, and personalized needs instead of standardized development milestones.

Maya parents are masters at raising cooperative children. Without resorting to bribes, threats, or chore charts, Maya parents rear loyal helpers by including kids in household tasks from the time they can walk. Inuit parents have developed a remarkably effective approach for teaching children emotional intelligence. When kids cry, hit, or act out, Inuit parents respond with a calm, gentle demeanor that teaches children how to settle themselves down and think before acting. Hadzabe parents are world experts on raising confident, self-driven kids with a simple tool that protects children from stress and anxiety, so common now among American kids.

Not only does Doucleff live with families and observe their techniques firsthand, she also applies them with her own daughter, with striking results. She learns to discipline without yelling. She talks to psychologists, neuroscientists, anthropologists, and sociologists and explains how these strategies can impact children’s mental health and development. Filled with practical takeaways that parents can implement immediately, Hunt, Gather, Parent helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children, and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for American families.

©2021 Michaeleen Doucleff. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

Critic reviews

"NPR reporter Michaeleen Doucleff narrates this audiobook - part memoir and part guide on contemporary parenting. She is honest, clear, and thoughtful as she presents a wide range of research on parenting theories from many cultures. For those seeking new ways to connect with or better understand their children, this will be a welcome listen. Doucleff creates the feeling she is in your kitchen, swapping stories and wisdom of the ages. This title is easy on the ears, and the chapters go by swiftly. For an author turned narrator, she is very confident as she presents ideas from diverse sources. From the Inuit to city dwellers, Doucleff informs as she entertains, regaling us with advice of how to keep the peace." (AudioFile Magazine)

Not a Parent, Still the Best Book of the Year

I am not a parent but I read a review of this book and decided it sounded too good not to read. It is amazing! well written with great storytelling and even better, the methods work! I am a high school teacher and I tried the calm question asking method from the the Inuit section of the book and IT WORKS!!! I have also tried some methods with my nieces, all of which have worked. Parent or not, this book is a must read!

the best

best book ever. so helpful and engaging. changed our lives - so grateful for Michaeleen Doucleff!

Wonderful parenting book

I absolutely loved this book! It had opened my eyes to the many different ways we can better nurture our children. I love the multicultural lens and the writing was mostly enjoyable. Highly recommend, even if you’re not a parent!!!

So helpful!

Once I started listening I couldn’t stop. I felt like she was talking to me! All of these tips she gives are so great, and I love all of the contexts and research behind how these tips and tools work. The book is written In such a calm non-judge-mental way that I feel like any parent can read it and take something from it. I am eager to try some if not all of these tools on my little ones at home.

So insightful!

I have learned so much about not only how other cultures parent, but how to tailor my own parenting to improve my relationship with my two year old and work toward raising a helpful, grateful, kind child.

Loved it!

This book completely changed my approach to parenting, and has made life a lot less stressful.
I highly recommend it!

Life changing

In many ways I feel like I could have written the prologue. I’m so grateful to have found this book. It’s the only parenting book I have ever found useful and this is amazing. Starting to put ideas into practice as I listened to each chapter and both of my wild boys responded instantly. Thank you!!!

Parents (to be): LISTEN ASAP!!

PHENOMENAL parenting resource! This book will help you in ALL relationships, not just with your children 👍

A Big Part of What's Missing

Doing this parenting thing in the US has continuously left me feeling like something is "off" or "wrong" and that something is "missing". This book helps explain a lot of where this feeling comes from. It expounds on our societal loss of ancestral knowledge. To put it plainly - almost all of western parenting is "new".

Doucleff researches various western parenting ideas and myths and their origins, and then explores, observes, experiences, and narrates hunter/gatherer parenting styles and techniques. All the while she contextualizes and connects, bringing to light the staggering behavioral and mental health differences.

Each chapter summarizes important points and provides practical examples and suggestions.

Overall it's a great book that keeps the reader interested throughout. The tone is respectful and you don't get the feeling that the author is proselytizing or condescending. You are free to come to your own conclusions about the information and experiences laid out. For me, it made a lot of sense, and the techniques that I have utilized from this book have made for a calmer household.

what a sweet and insightful book

I'm an American living in a remote Mexican village and I can attest to the advice in this book. Children do not have tantrums, are attentive and helpful here. Listening to this book helped organize my thoughts about observing a foreign parenting style. The advice is solid and works well with my 3 children. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I would recommend this to any parent who is struggling to find balance in their family.