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The Coitus Chronicles
- My Quest for Sex, Love, and Orgasms
- Narrated by: Olive Persimmon
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
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Publisher's summary
Think you know everything about sex? Think again! This funny and true story of one woman’s journey to reclaim her sexuality on the fringes of New York City’s sex and dating world will make you think twice about everything there is to learn about sex!
Meet Olive Persimmon. Growing up, she looked exactly like Danny DeVito, except she was thirteen and a girl. By some miracle, she grew into a relatively normal, well-adjusted thirty-something woman living in New York City—with one notable exception: she hasn’t had sex in five years, one month, three days, two-point-five hours . . . and counting.
Faced with bona fide sex rut, she decides it's time to take action to save her love life and get her mojo back. Challenged by a friend to "say yes" to experiences she might normally avoid, Olive embarks on a series of adventures and explores everything from BDSM classes to cuddlers-for-hire, from foot fetishes to lessons with a top-ranked pickup artist, and more! Each awkward, funny, and sometimes downright embarrassing encounter brings Olive closer to discovering the power of saying yes—to herself, others, and life itself.
For fans of Jenny Slate, this is a funny, irreverent, and honest tale of one young woman's journey to reclaim her sexuality on the fringes of New York City's sex and dating world. Readers can see for themselves how this girl next door overcame insecurities around dating, sex, and love—all with openness, honesty, and a wicked sense of humor. Along the way, readers will wonder: Will Olive ever have sex again? Will her love life be okay? Will her toe fungus come back? Does she ever find her mojo, and where was it hiding? Weaving together the awkwardness of Mindy Kaling, the candor of Chelsea Handler, and Olive’s own hilarious vulnerability, The Coitus Chronicles will encourage readers to explore their own sexuality and consider what surprises they may discover if they, too, just say yes.
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Julia hasn't had sex in three years. Her roommate has a boyfriend - and their sex noises are audible through the walls, maybe even throughout the neighborhood. Not to mention, she's treading water in a dead-end job, her know-it-all therapist gives her advice she doesn't ask for, and the men she is surrounded by are, to be polite, subpar.
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it was ok
- By Carla on 10-16-24
By: Kate Davies
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After the Kiss
- Sex, Love, & Stiletto Series, Book 1
- By: Lauren Layne
- Narrated by: Samantha Cook
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Julie Greene loves flings. Loves steamy first dates, sizzling first kisses, and every now and then, that first sexy romp between the sheets. Comfy pants, sleepy Sundays, movie nights on the couch? Shudder. But when Julie gets assigned the hardest story of her career - a first-person account of that magical shift between dating and "I do" (she'll need a man brave enough to give a total commitment-phobe a chance at more.
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After The Kiss
- By Pennie Morgan on 07-04-19
By: Lauren Layne
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Send Me Crazy
- Hot in the City, Book 1
- By: T. Gephart
- Narrated by: Stephen Dexter, Tanya Eby
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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A note, a pair of panties, and a date. When Quinn’s efforts to set up her best friend go awry, she finds herself with a crazy blind date. Could the mystery man be her soul mate? Nothing like an adventure, and at the very least, she is going to have some fun with it.
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Laugh Out Loud Rom-Com
- By Denise Hoover on 05-06-20
By: T. Gephart
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The Modern Gentleman
- By: Meghan Quinn
- Narrated by: Kelsey Navarro Foster, Connor Crais
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Oldest story in the book: boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy screws up massively, girl tells boy to suffocate in the fruits of his very own unborn children. Heard it before? I'm sure you have. So what's so different about this story? Well, it's about me, The Modern Gentleman, New York City's top advice columnist, and my rather ungraceful downfall from my pristinely polished pedestal. It's about a girl I met who threw all my proven theories to the wind and left me awkward, needy, and absolutely head-over-wing-tipped shoes in love.
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Cute Story
- By Lisa on 06-23-21
By: Meghan Quinn
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Playing a Player
- By: Ivy Smoak
- Narrated by: Lynn Barrington
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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My last single friend just got married, leaving me roommate-less. When Rory shows up at my door, I'm more than a little surprised to find out that a guy has answered my ad. Living with a man wasn't exactly what I had in mind - especially one as handsome as Rory. He's charming, confident, and...completely off-limits. He's a total player. And I don't want to end up getting played. But when all the other applicants don't seem to be a good fit, I can't help but let my mind wander back to him. What's the worst that could happen if I let him move in?
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Not great...
- By Katelyn Gutknecht on 05-30-22
By: Ivy Smoak
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Petal Plucker
- By: Iris Morland
- Narrated by: Samantha Brentmoor
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Confession: I, Dandelion “Dani” Wright, am 26 years old and have yet to be deflowered. My excuse? I was too busy running my family’s flower shop and winning floral-design competitions. Suddenly that whole pesky virginity thing becomes a big deal when Jacob West walks back into my life. He’s the boy I once loved - the boy who once humiliated me when he stood me up for prom. This Jacob is no boy though: he’s all man now - confident, charming, and so sexy my metaphorical blossoms are getting scorched.
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Trashy
- By Marilyn Doherty on 05-21-20
By: Iris Morland
What listeners say about The Coitus Chronicles
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- barb liberty
- 06-17-19
Hilarious and so relatable
If you have read the paper version of this book you must listen to the audio book. It takes you on a whole new adventure and it is great that the author is reading it to you. A quick read and so entertaining.
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- Ariel Viera
- 06-12-19
Amazing hilarious heart-wrenching audiobook! Must listen!
Wow I just finished the audiobook and I’m blown away. Olive took me on a emotional roller coaster! and I just love how she performed it!! She read it with so much authenticity and high energy! Which is rare for audiobooks. Thank you Olive for making an audio version of your book with so much heart! 🙌
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- Clare Edgerton
- 06-13-19
Hilarious, earnest, and touching (pun intended)
This book is laugh out loud funny while also being vulnerable, thoughtful, and just plain educational. I think it’s an essential listen for anyone who is navigating sex and love in the modern world. Olive writes and narrates in a human, relatable way. Her stories are both exceptional and hard to believe (squirting classes!!!??) and totally down to earth. What a delightful listen. Do yourself a favor and download this book. You won’t regret it.
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- Charles
- 08-31-20
pleasantly surprised
this felt like a very sincere account of ones exploration into the world of sex. books on this topic can often go for shock value instead of the human experience, i appreciate where this book comes from a lot. thank you!
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- Anonymous User
- 07-26-20
Relatable and hilarious!
I couldn't stop... Olive's descriptive choice of language made me feel like I was living this whole story. It had me laughing, "aaah"ing, cringing and laughing some more, the whole way through.
Will definitely recommend this book to EVERYONE!
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- Leah
- 09-24-19
Sexuality for Dummies (and their book club)!!
My book club is, well, normal- and that's fine sometimes but our last book brought us to an interesting point. We discussed our collective lack of sex-education and decided reading this book next would probably lend itself to great discussion. Olive, you did not disappoint. Your self-awareness and lack of education was refreshing for literally every woman in my group, and your evolution into an open-minded, sex-positive woman was hilarious, exciting, and interesting all at the same time. I empathized with your awkward teenage years, cringed through your "squirting" class in the East Village, and mourned with you through the hardships along the way. Thank you for taking a refreshing, human-centered look at sexuality! My book club loved chatting about the book and using it as a way to open up about the questions that we were too bashful to ask in 7th grade, and now we are too old to not know. Our collective vulnerabilities brought us together and we laughed and empathized and laughed some more.
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- WFH’er
- 06-23-19
So delicious
Funny, raw, vulnerable - and incredibly relatable! Sex is messy, vulnerable, and fun - and so are Olive’s hilarious stories!
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