Pirate Funny

Forget dusty textbooks and heroic legends — history was usually a lot messier than the souvenir-shop version. If you think you know the real stories behind pirates, Vikings, the American Revolution, and the Wild West… Hollywood has probably lied to you. Sarcastic History Volume 2 takes on four of history’s most romanticized eras and starts asking inconvenient questions. Were pirates really burying treasure everywhere? Did Vikings wear horned helmets? Was the American Revolution one long inspirational speech? And did everyone in the Wild West settle arguments at high noon? Not exactly....

Read the bestselling books that inspired the hit movie sensation! When Hiccup finds a coffin at sea, he opens it to discover a riddle that will lead to the treasure of Grimbeard the Ghastly, the world's greatest pirate and Hiccup's ancestor. So Hiccup and his friends set out on a treasure hunt...

"A skillful narration of this story, especially its humor, makes this a fun and enjoyable performance" —AudioFile on Can't Spell Treason Without Tea Bookshops & Bonedust meets Our Flag Means Death in this cozy fantasy on the low seas, where lesbian pirates find out if enemies actually can...

"Marisa Calin's delivery of this audiobook is superbly executed...The enticing voice she gives Alosa will enrapture listeners and draw them deeper into the story's twists and turns." — AudioFile Magazine The capable, confident, and occasionally ruthless heroine of Daughter of the Pirate King...

The Pirate Bible is a complete translation of the King James Version of the Bible into pirate-speak. All of the original books, chapters, verses, stories and characters are present, but the dialogue has been rewritten to bring an entertaining, swashbuckling flavor to the pages. Each book of the Bible is included; guaranteed to bring a smile. This is an excellent gift for anyone who loves the Bible, but also enjoys a lighthearted take on the stories it contains.

In a world where your child is brimming with excitement about tomorrow's adventures, winding down at the end of the day can pose a unique challenge. This collection of bedtime stories and guided audio meditations is designed to help children of all ages unwind deeply and prepare for a restful sleep.

Dart Luck (Jax Dart, Space Bastard Book 1) When your ship’s called The Lucky Bastard, you know luck has nothing to do with it. Meet Captain Jax Dart—a hard-drinking, womanizing, drug-loving, gambling-addicted lesbian with a knack for making terrible decisions and somehow surviving them. At the helm of her barely spaceworthy mining ship, The Lucky Bastard, Jax and her dysfunctional crew scrape out a living mining asteroids for faceless megacorporations who’d rather see them dead than paid. Her crew is a disaster: Zorblax, an alien drunk who insists antifreeze is a delicacy. Rob, a ...

There will be plenty of time for me to beat him soundly once I've gotten what I came for. Sent on a mission to retrieve an ancient hidden map—the key to a legendary treasure trove—seventeen-year-old pirate captain Alosa deliberately allows herself to be captured by her enemies, giving her...

In Pirate Jokes Aren't Funny, leadership strategist David Pettrone Swalve exposes the cost of performative leadership and reveals how authenticity has become the most valuable advantage in today's Quantum Workforce Era. A biracial adoptee from the rural Midwest, Pettrone Swalve learned early how systems reward sameness and silence difference. From the discipline of West Point to the boardrooms of Fortune 500 companies, his journey from outsider to architect forged the Authentara Blueprint™—an eight-part system that turns identity into action and presence into measurable impact.

A prim lady. A scandalous pirate. A high-seas seduction that could sink them both. Lady Priscilla Worthington has spent her life buttoned up—poised, polished, and promised to a man she can’t stand. But when her carriage is hijacked and she’s taken aboard the infamous Crimson Corsair, she finds herself in the clutches of Captain Rogelio Velmontaine—a rogue with a wicked grin, a silver tongue, and absolutely no sense of decency. Storm-tossed and scandal-bound, Priscilla is drawn into a world of rum-soaked revelry, moonlit danger, and pleasures she never dared imagine. But as desire ...

Real pirate history is stranger, funnier, and far more outrageous than the movies. Pirates did not simply sail around shouting “Arrr” while searching for buried treasure. They formed floating governments, elected captains, wrote strange sea laws, divided stolen goods, and even created early versions of workplace injury benefits. Some worked with official permission from kings. Others built criminal empires powerful enough to frighten entire governments. In Strange But True: The Weird History of Pirates, discover the unbelievable true stories behind history’s most notorious sea raiders...

A planet-killing dreadnought is coming, and Jack has decided to take that personally. The rebellion has won Diesl’Haal. Unfortunately, the Hegemony has noticed. To punish the planet, the empire sends the Judicator: six kilometers of armored death, built to turn rebellious worlds into glass. Against it stand three rebel frigates, a battered resistance, and Jack, an overarmed combat android with terrible social skills, dangerous plans, and a growing attachment to the humans he was built to kill. Evacuation might save the rebels. Surrender might buy a few hours. Neither will save two billion...

When Addi and her friends board a cruise going a slightly different route, they're prepared for trouble. But not this much trouble. First, they're attacked by pirates. Then, they have to work with a new, unknown crew. And then - there's a murder. Now, it's up to Addi and her friends to find a killer on board their ship, before they strike again... Praise for A.R. Winters: "The perfect balance of being lighthearted, but still a serious page-turning mystery." - Jaycie D, Amazon.com "A fun cozy mystery with engaging and entertaining characters" - lq, Amazon.com "For fans of Janet Evanovich, ...

Pirates of the Caribbean meets The Mummy in Vengeance of the Pirate Queen, a new standalone YA fantasy romance, set in the world of Tricia Levenseller's Daughter of the Pirate King. As an assassin working for the pirate queen, 18-year-old Sorinda is surprised when Alosa’s next task for her is...

FIRST PRIZE: Reader’s Picks Award: Best SciFi Time Travel Trilogy - 2023 SECOND PRIZE: Firebird Awards: Time Travel Novels - 2024 On the brink of suicide, an insecure grad school drop out lets himself get abducted by kooky time traveling Venusians on a mission to prevent Armageddon by rescuing Jesus H Christ and helping him find the legendary emerald tablets, but when he’s cheated by his sources and abandoned by his allies, he must overcome his uncertainties to out-maneuver his rival plotters and the Romans before somebody gets crucified. READER REVIEWS: 5.0 out of 5 stars Couldn't put ...

Ben Roberts hears voices…alien voices. When word of his abilities spreads through the galactic grapevine, Ben ranks number one on an A.I.’s most wanted list to become their cybernated slave. A bleak prospect, but what if they offered him everything he ever dreamed of in exchange? A...

In the tradition of Blow and Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, The Last Pirate is a vivid, haunting and often hilarious memoir recounting the life of Big Tony, a family man who joined the biggest pot ring of the Reagan era and exploded his life in the process. Three decades later, his son...

Unstoppable husband and wife team Sam and Remi Fargo face off against an obsessive millionaire hunting for a lost treasure in this adventure in the #1 New York Times-bestselling series When husband and wife treasure hunters Sam and Remi Fargo try something new, a relaxing vacation, a detour to...

Two beautiful Southern cities. One haunted, hilarious road trip. Charleston and Savannah may look polite at first glance, with pastel houses, mossy squares, church steeples, riverfront views, and enough historic charm to make your camera beg for mercy. But look a little closer and the charm starts acting suspicious. The mansions have secrets. The cemeteries have fan clubs. The ghost tours are booked solid. The cobblestones are trying to break your ankles. And somewhere between the pirate lore, old jails, haunted theaters, graveyard angels, and gas-station boiled peanuts, you begin to ...

In Paris, a ruthless descendant of Napoleon has risen to power, hell-bent on restoring France's former glory. His fiery ambitions are cynically stoked by a coterie of cold-blooded Mandarins, plotting behind the gates of Beijing's Forbidden City. Cloaked in secrecy, this unholy alliance devises a twisted global plan, backed by China's growing nuclear arsenal, that will send America and the world to the brink of a gut-wrenching showdown.