Funny Urban

By now, Dr. Robert Urban should probably know better. After all, this is his tenth book—and six of them have been national bestsellers. (The other four? Let’s just say they are… “still top notch doorstops”) But in Lick the Spoon, Urban proves once again that nobody else can make you laugh, cringe, and nod in painful recognition quite like he can. His collection of stories and observations from his life aren’t just funny—they’re the kind of funny where you feel like you’re right there with him, muttering, “Oh no, Rob… you didn’t.” Except you’re secretly glad he ...

Isabella Proctor has a new super power... ...finding dead bodies. What did she ever do to deserve this? She’d like to trade this power in for something, anything else – talk to ants, mix the perfect mojito, anything other than finding her friends dead. After her neighbor is murdered, her not-so-ordinary life takes a sharp turn into the weird – magic amulets, secret societies, deadly feuds, and talking cats. Things go from bad to worse when another friend is murdered and she can’t go to Detective Palmer for help. Can she capture a witch so much older and stronger than she is or will ...

The school secretary has a sharp tongue but is she a killer? Can Marty do the math or will he get schooled by a criminal mastermind? Marty Golden is frazzled. Struggling to juggle nieces, a rambunctious dog, a demanding job, and a serious relationship, the software engineer is never quite sure whether he’s coming or going. But when his nemesis begs for help after she’s accused of offing the school principal, the amateur sleuth agrees to hunt down the real culprit. Confounded to discover the cantankerous woman stood to take the dead man’s position, he strives to find anyone who could ...

Satire master Robert Urban ups the ante in his most recent book sharing his unique perspective about life, love and of course a little cheddar biscuit we all love. Filled with deep thoughts juxtaposed by one-liners, hysterical anecdotes, tangential thoughts and edgy, absurd humor this book is meant to give people who don't take themselves too seriously a rapid fire delivery of humor in only the way Robert can.

Faith delivers pizza for Crust Issues. Her best customer is the guy at 42 Moon Lane. He tips 100%, never turns on the porch light, and growls "Leave it" through the door. One night, during a blizzard, her car dies in his driveway. Nathaniel watches her from the window every night, fighting the urge to bust through the door and drag her into his den. She’s his mate, but he’s a scarred, exiled wolf who thinks he’s too dangerous for her. When he finds her freezing in her Honda Civic, the gentleman act is over. He carries her inside, kicks the door shut, and decides the pizza isn't the ...

Jerry and Monique are your average working couple from the hood just trying to make a living. What happens when they wake up one morning to a shocking news flashed that sets off complete pandemonium that will not be forgotten for decades to come. The city infrastructure has collapsed leaving citizens with no law enforcement, fire fighters, or electric power for at least 24 hours. To make matter worse, it's devils night!

When two chefs wind up dead at a quaint bed-and-breakfast, it’s up to sleuthing witch Kyla to crack the case. But with trouble brewing in the kitchen and no shortage of suspects, will Kyla’s magical abilities be enough to outsmart a devious killer? This spellbinding paranormal cozy mystery series is one you won’t want to miss! Description from Book 1 (Magically Murdered) Kyla knows a lot about magic but nothing about working kitchen magic. When the police hire her to go undercover as Moonstruck Manor’s newest culinary mastermind and investigate the mysterious deaths of the manor’s...

Her fantasy is coming true – but can she trust it? Ever since Barb’s friend Vanessa got into a committed relationship with two men, she’s been fantasizing about what it would be like to have two people focused on her and giving her pleasure. But when she meets best friends Aaron and Carter at a nightclub, it seems too good to be true. These hot younger guys can’t possibly be interested in her, right? But they keep coming around, chipping away at her resistance until she starts to believe that maybe she’s finally found the two guys who can give her the happily ever after she’s ...

She’s facing a magical trial she cannot pass. But when her attempt to prove herself explosively backfires, will she survive the fiery consequences? Hazel Byrne can’t catch a break. Born without abilities into a powerful dynasty, the impotent witch is terrified she’ll be kicked out when her coven decides to put everyone to the test. Searching for a spell even a human could cast, the desperate young woman accidentally unlocks her hidden gifts… and destroys a library full of valuable arcane texts. Discovering her grandmother lied to her about being a dud, Hazel is stunned that ...

One night with a superpowered babe. Alan Star thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world, but fantasy turns into nightmare when a late-night meetup with a heroine turns deadly. To the dismay of the powers-in-charge, Alan has stumbled upon the dirty truth behind the squeaky-clean image of the hero business. Soon, everyone from government black ops to angry superpowered flames want to shut him up. Permanently. With nowhere else to run, Alan escapes to the one place that the heroes won't go: the underground world of a fabled hero-killer. There, he discovers the key to becoming the greatest hero...

Cheating death is the only way she can save the world…An undead motorcycle gang is terrorizing the streets of Denver. But these foul creatures are just the first wave of a far more insidious evil. Someone has harnessed forbidden magic to fulfill an ancient prophecy to bring about the apocalypse. In other words, it's just another day at the office for Dru Jasper, the world's only crystal sorceress. To stop the prophecy, Dru must find Greyson and his demon-possessed muscle car, Hellbringer. The problem is, everyone believes Greyson is dead. Is he still alive after all, or has he become a ...

Can her magic save the world—before his curse destroys it?Shy, awkward Dru never believed she had what it takes to be a true sorceress. That's why she’s been running a little crystal shop on the rough side of Denver, selling potions and charms to the larger-than-life spellcasters who defend the world against the forces of darkness. But when she accidentally touches hands with a dangerously handsome stranger, sparks fly — literally — and he supercharges her crystal magic powers. Ironically, Greyson doesn’t know a thing about magic. But his screaming-fast muscle car is possessed by ...

An alien cat turned me into a superweapon. I was homeless on the streets of Third York when it happened. Then the military arrived and gave me a choice. Enlist or die. The next thing I knew, I was fighting giant robots at the Xenoforce Academy's boot camp. Figuring out superpowers and energy levels was hard enough, but I had to deal with a mind-reading alien princess, a team of gorgeous women, and a femme fatale in charge of the whole operation. Oh, and a galactic conspiracy is threatening all of humanity. It's up to me and my new feline friend to set things right. A civil war's brewing on ...

NOW LIVE THE SECOND EDITION - Editing Issues Resolved PORTAL MAINTENANCE: POSTED Look, if you are looking for a serious, grimdark fantasy about a "Chosen One" fulfilling an ancient prophecy, I am not your author. But if you need a good laugh, interdimensional tax evasion, and weaponized 1970s upholstery? Pull up a chair. Look, if you think building an interdimensional gray-market empire is the hard part, you’re wrong. The hard part is figuring out how to scale it without the federal government seizing your front yard under eminent domain. I’m Joseph. Last month, I was a bankrupt systems...

♥♥What do naked caterpillars, tea parties with no cups, and a Queen prone to shouting ‘Off with their bush!’ have in common?♥♥ Read Adult Fairytales to find out. Inside this book: Alice’s Rabbit Hole Riding Red Cleaning Cinder’s Box Climbing Jack’s Beanstalk Gretel’s Candy Dungeon Snow Takes Seven Beauty Takes a Beasting

Winning the city was the easy part. Keeping it is going to take a lot more duct tape. Oscar has officially claimed the Apex Forge. As the new Administrator, he’s got a throne made of welded mech-parts, a snarky AI integrated into the mainframe, and a Paladin acting as his head of security. There’s just one problem: his junk-virus hack saved their lives, but it completely fried the city's supply chains. The Forge is out of raw materials, and the life-support systems are ticking down. Before Oscar can even allocate his new stat points to fix the mess, the Deep Network comes online. The ...

Superweapon stud? That's what the doctor ordered. The Beastmasters are dwindling. The Mekanics are growing bolder. Everyone's desperate for the next magic bullet. With no more Chimerics arriving, there's only one way to make more Beastmasters. Me. I'm not against making baby Beastmasters with the hotties on my squad. The problem is that they're not telling me everything. The last time they tried this, things got pretty ugly... All hell's breaking loose. Secrets are spilling left and right. Even my alien cat Zoe can't keep all the facts straight. And everyone wants a piece of me. There's ...

A pet dragon, dangerous magic, and two hot guys...and that's just book 1! This boxed set contains all three novels in the Quarter Witch Chronicles series, including Dragons are a Girl's Best Friend, While the Dragon's Away, and A Good Dragon is Hard to Find. Description from Book 1: On the outside, Ruby’s a normal college student. On the inside? She’s something else completely. Magic runs through her veins, tempting her to use it, but Ruby isn’t sure how to control her new powers…until Ty, a dangerously handsome man from another world, spots her and identifies her as a witch. He ...

From the international bestselling author of The Cursed Thief and The Blood King comes a harrowing thrill ride through an apocalyptic New York City! My name is Frank Moon, and I’m surrounded by death. Until today, I thought I’d seen everything in my time as a cop. Nope, not even close. Believe it or not, a meteor just landed in Central Park! The damn thing brought along a hellish radiation too. The strobing red emission has altered the genetic code of the people who witnessed it enter Earth’s atmosphere. Lucky for me, I was too busy binge-watching my favorite TV show or I would’ve ...

How do you take on the most powerful organization of the supernatural world? One death at a time. A thousand years in the making, the Council finally has created their strongest weapon. What they didn’t expect was for her to target them. Forged by the pits of the underworld, Brooklyn plays her part all too well until the assassination of her friend. It was meant to send Brooklyn a message. What it did instead was unleash an uncontrolled rage that threatens the Council’s very existence. Each target tips the moral compass and realigns who is friend and who is foe. Unified by necessity, ...