Classic Humor

In the bar-parlor of the Angler’s Rest, Mr. Mulliner tells his amazing tales, holding the assembled company of Pints of Stout and Whiskies and Splash in the palm of his expressive hand. Here you can discover what happened to the man who gave up smoking, share a frisson when the butler delivers something squishy on a silver salver (“Your serpent, Sir,” said the voice of Simmons) - and experience the dreadful unpleasantness at Bludleigh Court. Throughout, the Mulliner clan remains resourcefully in command in the most outlandish situations.

From Boston's social underworld emerges Verena Tarrant, a girl with extraordinary oratorical gifts, which she deploys in tawdry meeting-houses on behalf of "the sisterhood of women". She acquires two admirers of a very different stamp: Olive Chancellor, devotee of radical causes, and marked out for tragedy; and Basil Ransom, veteran of the Civil War, with rigid views concerning society and women's place therein. Is the lovely, lighthearted Verena made for public movements or private passions?

The Grand Hotel is a horror novel by esteemed best-selling author Scott Kenemore ( Zombie, Ohio) that takes the reader on a thrilling ride through an interconnected series of stories narrated by the desk clerk and the residents of the hotel itself. And while it is not known whether or not the desk clerk is actually the devil incarnate, it is strange that so many visitors who come for a tour of the hotel have a way of never leaving.

Timothy Walter Bolton—better known as Timmy—has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.

Sherlock Holmes is an unparalleled genius who uses the gift of deduction and reason to solve the most vexing of crimes. Warlock Holmes, however, is an idiot. A good man, perhaps; a font of arcane power, certainly. But he’s brilliantly dim. Frankly, he couldn’t deduce his way out of a paper bag. The only things he has really got going for him are the might of a thousand demons and his stalwart flatmate. Thankfully, Dr. Watson is always there to aid him through the treacherous shoals of Victorian propriety...

Gothic romance at its most unhinged—now without the Victorian sentence structure from hell. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the moors, revenge, and toxic romance, zero Victorian torture. Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff are obsessed with each other in the most destructive way possible—think soulmates if soulmates were also each other's worst enemies. They grew up together on the ...

A Signature Performance: Four-time Emmy Award winner David Hyde Pierce delivers an air of lovable self-importance in his rendition of the classic social satire that remains as fresh today as the day it was published.

Set in the world of the Victorian professional and landed classes, the story centres on Mr Harding, a clergyman of great personal integrity who is nevertheless in possession of an income from a charity far in excess of the sum devoted to it.

Despite the title, Dickens's portrayal of early industrial society is less relentlessly grim than that in novels by contemporaries such as Elizabeth Gaskell or Charles Kingsley. Hard Times weaves the tale of Thomas Gradgrind, a hard-headed politician who raises his children Louisa and Tom without love and to have no empathy, their lives completely devoid of beauty, culture, or imagination. Only after a series of crises does their father realise that the manner in which he raised his children has ruined their lives.

She feels like an eternal wallflower. His father kicked him to the curb. Can two lonely hearts pen their own classic love story? Violet Fuller yearns for her own happily ever after. Certain her town contains zero leading men, the Jane Austen-adoring librarian is devastated when a potential meet cute turns into a coffee shop fiasco. So when she discovers a notice accusing her of failing to pay for the library’s renovations, the people-pleasing young woman is primed for an argument… only to discover a handsome new man in charge. Max Cavanaugh has one foot out the door. Secretly helping to...

Lightning McQueen is a hotshot young race car competing for the coveted Piston Cup. But when he gets lost on the way to a big race, he realizes that he still has a lot to learn about what it takes to be a true friend.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “Extremely funny . . . inspired lunacy . . . [and] over much too soon.”—The Washington Post Book World Now celebrating the pivotal 42nd anniversary of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! Nominated as one of America’s best-loved novels by PBS’s The...

This charming story is about a friendly but forgetful blue tang fish as she tries to reunite with her loved ones, and everyone learns a few things about the true meaning of family along the way.

Lewis Carroll's surreal fantasy masterpiece—minus the part where you're not sure if any of this is supposed to make sense. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the absurdist wonder, zero Victorian torture. Alice is having the most boring afternoon of her life when she spots a talking white rabbit in a waistcoat sprinting past her, panicking about being late. Being a curious kid with...

Monty Bodkin loves Gertrude, who thinks he likes Lotus Blossom, a starlet who definitely adores Ambrose, who thinks that she has a thing for his brother, Reggie, who is struck by Mabel Spence, sister-in-law of Ikey Llewellyn (movie mogul, Ambrose’s prospective employer and reluctant smuggler), but hasn’t the means to marry her. With well-meaning but unhelpful ship’s steward Albert Peasemarch and a toy mouse thrown in for good measure, it will take the luck of the Bodkins to sort it all out.

The beloved King Ik is dead, and there was barely time to check his pulse before the royal throne was supporting the suspiciously shapely backside of an impostor pretending to be Ik's beautiful, long-lost daughter. With the land's heroic hunks busy drooling all over themselves, there's only one man left who can save the kingdom of Jenair. His name is Dungar Loloth, a rural blacksmith turned innkeeper, a surly hermit, and an all-around nobody oozing toward middle age, compensating for a lack of height, looks, charm, and tact with guts and an attitude.

Jane Austen's legendary romance—minus the part where you have to Google every third word. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the Regency drama, zero Victorian torture. Elizabeth Bennet has ninety-nine problems and they're all related to her mother's unhinged obsession with marrying off five daughters before they die penniless and alone. Enter: Mr. Darcy, the new rich guy in town who's so ...

Burdened by debt after her husband's death, Lucy Muir insists on moving into the very cheap Gull Cottage in the quaint seaside village of Whitecliff, despite multiple warnings that the house is haunted. Upon discovering the rumors to be true, the young widow ends up forming a special companionship with the ghost of handsome former sea captain Daniel Gregg. Lucy finds in her secret relationship with Captain Gregg a comfort and blossoming love she never could have predicted.

If any American fictional character of the 20th century seems likely to be immortal, it is Lorelei Lee of Little Rock, Arkansas, the not-so-dumb blonde who knew that diamonds are a girl's best friend. Outrageous, charming, and unforgettable, she's been portrayed on stage and screen by Carol Channing and Marilyn Monroe, and has become the archetype of the footloose, good-hearted gold digger, with an insatiable appetite for orchids, champagne, and precious stones.

Desperate to escape their high-pressure life in Los Angeles, the Finch family moves to rural Oregon. But it doesn’t take long to learn that “small town” is not code for “stress-free.” As the new owners of Applegate's one and only general store, the Finches find that the simple life’s anything but simple when your little store is the town's only grocery store, gas station, hardware store, fire station, and occasional dentist’s office.