In this episode, I share some big news.

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In this episode, I open by talking about the big decision to “pull the goalie,” as we called benching our pregnancy defensive line (my birth control pills). It was a momentous moment! And then… the score remained 0-0 for a long, long time. In fact, it still is.

A global pandemic, a foster pup, a couple of job changes, and more… all of that was going on while I undertook both big steps and baby steps (see what I did there?) towards pregnancy and parenthood… As I got to know my body and navigated both feelings and logistics.

So, this episode is a bit of a winding one, all about what 3 years of open-ended “trying” has felt like, emotionally and physically. 

Things to think about as you listen: 

• What are some assumptions you have around the decision to “try”? 
• Have you experienced — or considered the possibility of — “trying” while still feeling ambivalent … and what does that bring up for you: recognition? judgment? confusion? something else?

If you’ve also experienced infertility, or are in the midst of it right now, how did that affect your desire to be a parent?

“I definitely miss the old me a lot … the freedom, the ability to just go… [but] I’ve gained so much [by being a dad] - perspective is number one … I have gained an excitement for the future that I didn’t have before.”

Matthew has come a long way from a childhood in the Denver suburbs to (literally) freewheeling around Canada to touring the American South with a rowdy group of musicians to—now—being the primary caregiver to an 18-month old son in [where he lives]. And somewhere in there was… yep ... also a period of ambivalence, for both him and his wife, about whether or not to have children.

Matthew shares about his journey through these shifting identities, including about how politics and worldview played into his ambivalence in the past (hello, diaper-filled ocean garbage patch!), and his honest feelings about settling comfortably into the role of Dad, from joy and newfound optimism to frustration at the way having procreated can get in the way of his artistic creative practice.  

Along the way, we chat about what made him and his wife change their minds to a definite “yes” on kids… some thoughts on going through the IVF process as the not-pregnant, supporting partner… and you can listen in real time as I have an a-ha (or maybe uh-oh) moment about what IVF could potentially be like for me. 

So, thank you for coming along on this chat-adventure with Matthew and me as we consider what might be lost — and gained — on the tender and exciting and wild journey of parenthood.

Things to think about as you listen: 

• How do you, personally, describe your identity now? How has this description shifted over your different life phases thus far, and how might it change in the future? What future changes do you think would excite you? What future shifts do you think would disappoint or frustrate you?
• How do your political, environmental, religious, or other views inform your feelings about being a parent—whether you are, aren’t, want to be one, don’t, or aren’t sure?
• What is the #1 thing you have gained, or hope to gain, by having children? What is something you have lost or are afraid you’ll lose? (If you don’t want to be a parent, you can ask yourself these questions as: what is the #1 thing you have gained by not having children, and what is something you're afraid you’ll miss out on by not having them?)