Autistic + ADHD partners often collide around regulation. Here’s how to stop the clashes and build connection with real-world scripts, rituals, and repeatable practices.

If you need clear, practical tools to make a neurodiverse relationship feel calmer and more connected, this episode delivers! Jodi and licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) break down exactly how autistic self-regulators and ADHD co-regulators can stop clashing and start syncing up—so both partners feel seen, safe, and respected.

Greg shares the exact rituals he and his wife use after 30+ years together—like a 20–30 minute transition buffer before reconnecting after time apart, a simple “commute-call” habit that creates connection without pressure, and a prepare → attune → debrief framework for handling events like parties or family gatherings.

You’ll hear why effort often feels invisible, why “fair” doesn’t always mean equal, and how shifting from content fights to process check-ins changes everything. We also dig into scripts for setting capacity limits, what shutdowns and alexithymia look like, and a quick connect → ground rhythm you can try today.

If you missed Part 1, circle back for the mindset shifts that make these tools stick.

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic–ADHD couples who keep clashing over how they calm down or connect
• Partners who want closeness without losing themselves (empathy + boundaries)
• Late-identified adults looking for simple scripts and daily rituals to cut conflict and feel safer together

00:00 – Intro: From Mindset to Methods in Neurodiverse Love

02:02 – Self-Regulation vs. Co-Regulation: Why Couples Clash

06:57 – The 20–30 Minute Transition Ritual That Prevents Conflict

10:35 – Why “Effort Is Invisible” (and How to Stop Keeping Score)

18:13 – The Commute-Call Ritual That Builds Daily Attunement

27:07 – Prepare → Attune → Debrief: A Framework for Events

35:34 – Final Takeaway: Relationships Require Constant Renegotiation

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

Resources:

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/
• Neurodiverse Connections Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@NeurodivergentConnections/featured
• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses) • Watch Part 2 of my conversation with Greg: Coming Soon: October 1!
• Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples—Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

Why do neurodiverse couples clash so often? Licensed counselor Greg Fuqua shares the hidden patterns—and how to finally break them.

If your neurodiverse relationship feels like a boxing ring—or you keep looping the same arguments—this episode gives you a new playbook. Jodi sits down with licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) to talk about what really changes things: shifting from blame to inner work, breaking the cycle of “negative assumptions of wrongness,” and why individual therapy often helps autistic/ADHD couples more than traditional couples counseling.

Greg also shares the turning point in his own 30-year marriage: a career collapse, intrusive suicidal thoughts, and the affect-based therapy that cracked open his emotions and rebuilt his capacity for connection.

You’ll come away with practical language you can use today, a clearer map of autistic–neurotypical differences as strengths (not flaws), and a preview of Part 2, where we dive into specific co-regulation and attunement tools you can practice at home.

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic/ADHD–NT couples who keep circling the same argument
• Late-identified adults reframing a lifetime of “why am I like this?”
• Partners tired of score-keeping who want practical, non-pathologizing tools

00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?

01:06 – Meet Greg Fuqua: Late-Identified Autistic Therapist

01:51 – Why Neurodivergent Therapists See Things Differently

02:30 – Inside AANE’s Level 2 Couples Training

07:21 – Relational Trauma & the “Assumption of Wrongness”

12:33 – Greg’s 30-Year Marriage: Struggles, Turn-Taking & Survival

17:46 – From Suicidal Thoughts to Healing & Authenticity

29:21 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

Resources

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/
• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses)
• Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

What It’s Like to Be Face Blind in a Neurodiverse Relationship

Ever mistaken a stranger for your spouse? Journalist and author Sadie Dingfelder has—because she’s face blind. In this episode of Your Neurodiverse Relationship, Sadie and her husband Steve share what it’s like to navigate marriage when both partners are neurodivergent in different ways.

From ADHD to prosopagnosia (face blindness), this conversation is filled with relatable moments, honest insights, and laugh-out-loud stories. Sadie discusses how discovering her own neurodivergence led to writing her debut book, “Do I Know You?”, while Steve reflects on living with ADHD since childhood and what finally helped him understand how his brain works. Together, they talk with host Jodi Carlton about cognitive empathy, relationship conflict, and what it really takes to make a neurodiverse marriage thrive.

If you're in a neurodiverse relationship—or love someone who is—this episode offers validation, wisdom, and the reminder that being “on the same team” is everything.

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five

01:00 – “I Thought I Was Neurotypical”: Meet Sadie & Steve

04:40 – Mistaking a Stranger for Your Spouse?! Discovering Face Blindness

09:15 – How COVID Changed Everything in Their Marriage

13:50 – “We’re Living in Different Realities”: Cognitive Empathy Explained

19:10 – ADHD Meds, Creativity & Finding What Actually Works

25:00 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

✨ About Sadie Dingfelder & Steve Hay:

Sadie Dingfelder is a science journalist with a sharp wit and a deep curiosity about hidden neurodiversity. In her debut book, “Do I Know You? A Faceblind Reporter’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory, and Imagination”, she unpacks what it’s like to live with prosopagnosia (face blindness) while taking readers on a fascinating tour of the brain’s inner workings. A former reporter for the Washington Post Express, Sadie is known for blending humor and insight—whether she’s reviewing every bathroom on the National Mall or playing a priceless Stradivarius at the Smithsonian. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, National Geographic, Washingtonian, and other major publications.

Steve Hay is an engineer and aspiring scientist who is currently developing an augmented reality art project that simulates prosopagnosia by using AI to subtly distort faces in real time. Before turning his focus to brain and perception research, Steve worked as a Navy nuclear engineer and later in the green energy sector, applying AI and machine learning to grid-scale energy storage. His work blends scientific insight, creative experimentation, and a knack for making the invisible visible.

📚 Check out Sadie’s book “Do I Know you? A Faceblind Reporter’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory and Imagination.” https://www.amazon.com/Know-You-Faceblind-Reporters-Imagination/dp/0316545147

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Explore more episodes, free resources, quizzes, and courses:

https://jodicarlton.com

🔔 Don’t Forget to Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.