What Is Stonewalling And Why Is It Destroying Your Marriage?

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Research shows that four specific communication behaviors during arguments can predict divorce with 80-90% accuracy, while eliminating these behaviors can dramatically improve marriage success.

• The four horsemen of relationship conflict are defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling
• Defensiveness deflects blame and responsibility, creating a downward spiral in communication
• Criticism attacks a partner's character rather than addressing specific behaviors
• Contempt is the most dangerous pattern, involving feelings of superiority toward your partner
• Stonewalling occurs when one partner mentally or physically shuts down during conflict
• The antidote to stonewalling is taking a purposeful break with the intention to resume later
• Taking time to cool down and process emotions leads to more productive conflict resolution
• Sometimes sleeping on an issue provides needed perspective, contrary to "don't go to bed angry" advice
• Breaking these harmful communication patterns requires recognizing and interrupting them early

Get our ultimate guide to better communication by visiting marriagehelper.com/smart to access our toolkit on how to communicate effectively, even when your spouse isn't talking to you.

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