Waking Up to Narcissism Podcast Por Tony Overbay LMFT arte de portada

Waking Up to Narcissism

Waking Up to Narcissism

De: Tony Overbay LMFT
Escúchala gratis

"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!Copyright 2026 Waking Up to Narcissism Desarrollo Personal Higiene y Vida Saludable Psicología Psicología y Salud Mental Éxito Personal
Episodios
  • They Know What They're Doing—They Just Don't Think It's Wrong (My Big Reveal)

    They Know What They're Doing—They Just Don't Think It's Wrong (My Big Reveal)
    Apr 14 2026
    "He wasn't evil." Those three words from actor Christoph Waltz, from an interview on how he prepared himself to play one of the most brutal, cruel characters to grace a movie screen, explain exactly why the narcissist in your life can hurt you and then look at you with genuine confusion when you share with them how what they've done, or said, has hurt you. What if they know what they are doing, but they believe they are justified, that they are "right." In this landmark episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, makes a deeply personal revelation: many of the "listener stories" shared on this podcast were actually drawn from his own lived experience with his emotionally immature mother, who passed away in 2025. Through his own journey of differentiation—and a powerful insight from Simon Sinek about why nobody believes they're the villain—Tony reframes the question that keeps every pathologically kind person stuck: "Do they know what they're doing?" In this episode, you'll discover: Why "he wasn't evil" changes everything — the Christoph Waltz principle that explains how narcissistic people cause harm without ever believing they've done anything wrong. The critical difference between "right" and "good" — and why the emotionally immature person's unshakable certainty is more dangerous than deliberate cruelty. How pathological kindness becomes the trap — why your empathy keeps you decoding their intent instead of asking, "Is this acceptable to me?" Tony's personal journey through Schnarch's four points of balance — what it actually looked like to stop needing external validation from the person least likely to give it. The reframe that sets you free — moving from "Are they doing it on purpose?" to "Does the impact on me change either way?" Drawing from over 20 years of clinical work, his own differentiation journey, and the real experiences behind this podcast, Tony delivers one of his most honest and transformative episodes yet. If you've ever wondered whether your partner truly sees what they're doing, this one will meet you exactly where you are. Reach out at tonyoverbay.com or join the private women's Facebook group and the new Men's Emotional Architects group to connect with people who finally get what you've been going through. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch, on TikTok @virtualcouch, and on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com 00:00 Big Reveal Setup 01:02 Mother's Day Story 02:49 It Was Me 03:45 Why I Stayed Quiet 07:58 Five Rules Primer 09:10 Popcorn Moments 11:35 Do They Know 14:07 Waltz And Sinek 17:18 Good Versus Right 18:14 Faith And Certainty 24:19 Pathologically Kind 25:37 Maris And Ansel 28:30 Inside The Immature Mind 30:10 Therapy Pattern Recognition 31:53 Intentionality Toggle 32:40 Beyond Good or Evil 33:50 Confabulation Defense Mode 35:26 Vulnerability Feels Like an Attack 36:39 Compassion Trap for Kind People 37:59 Healthy Repair Looks Like 38:54 Why Aha Moments Rarely Stick 40:43 Differentiation With My Mom 48:37 Hospice Doctor Mix Up 54:48 Stop Waiting Choose You 55:41 Articulate Gaslighting Explained 57:04 Let Go of Intentionality 59:12 Closing Support and Community Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist, betrayal trauma certified, and host of The Virtual Couch, Waking Up to Narcissism, and Love, ADHD podcasts. If the idea of change through agency—not shame—resonates with you, explore Tony's Magnetic Marriage course at tonyoverbay.com/magnetic Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch, on TikTok @virtualcouch, on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft, and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/. You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.
    Más Menos
    1 h
  • They Didn't "Technically" Lie - How a Kernel of Truth is Weaponized

    They Didn't "Technically" Lie - How a Kernel of Truth is Weaponized
    Mar 24 2026
    Ever lost an argument you know you should have won — but couldn't explain why? That's not a coincidence. It's a strategy called "The Pop." Tony Overbay, LMFT, introduces a powerful new framework for understanding one of the most disorienting dynamics in emotionally immature and narcissistic relationships: paltering — using technically true statements to build a completely false picture of reality. Through vivid storytelling, real listener examples, and the unforgettable journey of a popcorn kernel named Kevin, Tony names the mechanism that has left so many people feeling crazy when they were actually catching something real. In this episode, you'll discover: What "The Pop" is and why a single kernel of truth can expand into a narrative that fills the entire room — mostly air How paltering differs from outright lying, and why your brain's alarm system doesn't fire the way it normally would Real stories from The Kernel Collection — listener-submitted examples of half-truths weaponized in relationships Why you became a "court reporter" in your own relationship, and why that's an adaptation — not a flaw How implicit memory — your body's record of every conversation that left you smaller — is the one thing The Pop can't touch With over 1,500 couples counseled and hundreds of clients navigating narcissistic relationship dynamics, Tony delivers both the clinical framework and the emotional validation this topic demands. If you've ever told yourself, "I can't point to a specific lie — so maybe I'm the problem," this episode will change how you see every confusing conversation you've ever had. 00:00 Popcorn Obsession 01:36 Kernel Origin Story 02:46 Kevin Pops 05:48 Truth Becomes Weapon 09:33 Show Intro Concept 12:38 Paltering Half Truths 16:49 NXIVM Big Example 20:31 Long Term Erosion 21:38 Lauren Pattern Example 24:04 Listener Stories 25:56 Dinner Drinks Story 29:55 Flat Tire Example 30:22 Flat Tire Blame Shift 32:12 Confabulated Hero Narrative 33:38 Money Versus Love Trap 34:41 Doctor Appointment Reversal 36:26 Sorry But Apology 38:21 Why The Pop Works 40:24 Court Reporter Survival 43:16 Mindfulness And Runway 45:37 Boundaries Not Ultimatums 52:10 Trust Implicit Memory 53:50 Orienting Steps Forward 55:20 Differentiation And Crucible 01:01:44 Closing Takeaways Learn more at tonyoverbay.com and explore the Magnetic Marriage course for relationships where both people want to do the work. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com
    Más Menos
    1 h y 4 m
  • You're Not Bad. You're Carrying the Problem: Shame, Triggers, and Healing

    You're Not Bad. You're Carrying the Problem: Shame, Triggers, and Healing
    Mar 6 2026
    "I was triggered" vs. "I chose"—what if both are true, and neither gets to the real problem? When a listener sent Tony a viral video challenging people to replace "I was triggered" with "I chose," it sparked a deeper conversation about accountability, nervous system science, and the shame-based frameworks many of us inherited long before we ever heard the word "trigger." This episode holds two truths at once: yes, adults are responsible for their behavior—and the initial nervous system activation that precedes a choice is real, automatic, and not a moral failure. Episode highlights: Why the word "trigger" can feel like a life sentence to trauma survivors—and an identity assignment to the people who hurt them Rick Hanson's "first and second dart" framework and the four stages of change from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence The critical distinction between activation and action—and why that space is where all growth lives How Richard Rohr's reframe of sin as brokenness needing healing (not judgment) connects directly to why shame never produces lasting change How shame gets installed in childhood before a four-year-old's brain can separate "I did something bad" from "I am bad"—and how ACT defusion offers a way out 00:00 Welcome and Course Plug 01:08 Listener Email and The Bet 03:33 Nick Pollard Trigger Reframe 04:57 Agreeing With Nuance 08:58 Trigger Word Cultural Weight 13:21 First and Second Darts 15:08 Four Stages of Change 21:21 Agency vs Nervous System 24:00 Pathologically Kind and Shame 26:46 Language Shapes Experience 27:18 Sin Versus Healing 28:36 Rohr Reframes Brokenness 31:08 Shame Keeps Us Stuck 31:57 How Shame Gets Installed 37:03 ACT And Defusion 40:13 Radical Acceptance Lens 41:52 Original Sin Culture Myth 46:43 Kingdom Of God Within 49:18 What We Learned Today 51:37 Closing Reflections Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist, betrayal trauma certified, and host of The Virtual Couch, Waking Up to Narcissism, and Love, ADHD podcasts. If the idea of change through agency—not shame—resonates with you, explore Tony's Magnetic Marriage course at tonyoverbay.com/magnetic Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com
    Más Menos
    54 m
Todas las estrellas
Más relevante
So many epiphanies here, giving me the tools to deal with him!! I am a LMSW and I never thought I’d be in a relationship like this. It’s so eye opening thank you so much for sharing.

Eye opening & Strengthening!

Se ha producido un error. Vuelve a intentarlo dentro de unos minutos.
Tony has such a way about educating us all about narcissistic personality disorder & emotional immaturity. He’s a gem!

Life changing

Se ha producido un error. Vuelve a intentarlo dentro de unos minutos.
so helpful listening in on others storys. if I can get validation for what I've been thru, it helps fill a little of that void so I can move forward after being in two long narcissistic relationships over the last 18yrs..

clarity...

Se ha producido un error. Vuelve a intentarlo dentro de unos minutos.
Life Changing. Encouraging. Clear.
One of my Favorite things about Tony is: He speaks clear and calm!
Many great folks trying to share on this topic often share in a way that is "very passionate" I have found that people sharing in an URGENT way are very triggering to me. So much surrounding this topic is already scary and you feel so unsure of your self as you even explore whether this may finally be what is so wrong in your relationship. I'm very sensitive to the urgency and voice tones used.
Tony you are a true treasure, thank you for letting your light shine, and in doing so helping so many others start to let theirs shine as well.

Thank You~

Se ha producido un error. Vuelve a intentarlo dentro de unos minutos.
My wife and I have been struggling for awhile. There was a lot of hurt between us both. She asked me to listen to this podcast. Holy cow I had no idea how many of my own problems I had with myself because I didn't know the symptoms and the words to have it all make sense. Tony is incredible and helpful in putting it in a way everyone can understand. I listen to the Virtual Couch now too which is extremely helpful for my own self worth and positive thinking.

I'm a man, this is extremely helpful

Se ha producido un error. Vuelve a intentarlo dentro de unos minutos.