Unapologetically AuDHD Podcast By Patricia Young Alex McLaughlin cover art

Unapologetically AuDHD

Unapologetically AuDHD

By: Patricia Young Alex McLaughlin
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Unapologetically AuDHD is a space for neurodivergent folks—especially Autistic ADHDers (AuDHDers)—to feel seen, understood, and know you're not alone. We believe there's nothing wrong with having a brain that's wired differently. Through honest conversations about the highs, lows, and messy in-betweens, we normalize neurodivergent experiences, explore intersectionality, and celebrate the unique & sometimes beautiful ways of thinking, feeling, and moving through the world. Led by two AuDHDers with PDA profiles, and lived experience with OCD, this podcast exists to de-stigmatize neurodivergence; honor both strengths and limitations, and remind us that we don't need to be "fixed"—we just want to be heard. Have you been told you're "too" (fill in the blank)? You're too sensitive; you think/worry too much; you take things too personally; you're too emotional, too finicky, too fragile, too intense, too uptight, too slow. Have you been told you can't take a joke; you can't go with the flow? You can't let go of things? Is making decisions difficult for you? You might have an acute sense of smell, and strong odors, crowded noisy environments and bright lights are just too much! You're in the right place! You may have been diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) with anxiety, depression, bipolar, borderline, having OCD or more. Our brain and bodies are wired differently. There's nothing wrong with you!2025 Hygiene & Healthy Living Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • 9. The Change Episode: Why Even Tiny Shifts Can Feel Like Major Plot Twists

    9. The Change Episode: Why Even Tiny Shifts Can Feel Like Major Plot Twists
    Dec 5 2025
    9. The Change Episode: Why Even Tiny Shifts Can Feel Like Major Plot Twists SUMMARY This episode explores why managing change can feel so intensely dysregulating for autistic and AuDHD folks. Patricia (she/her) and Alex (they/them) talk openly about post-holiday burnout, the emotional and sensory cost of social expectations, and the internal pressure to appear flexible even when our nervous systems are screaming for predictability. helm — and they offer compassionate, practical ways to support yourself through it. At its heart, this conversation is about honoring your wiring, trusting your needs, and creating more permission to navigate change on your own terms. BRIEF EPISODE SUMMARY This episode digs into why change—big or small—can feel overwhelming, exhausting, or destabilizing for autistic and AuDHD folks, even when the change is positive or desired. Patricia and Alex talk about post-holiday burnout, sensory overload, emotional fatigue, and the crash that happens after pushing through social expectations. Patricia explores the internalized pressure to be "easygoing," the shame around needing predictability, and the resentment that builds when needs aren't voiced directly. Patricia and Alex break down how inconsistency, unpredictability, and last-minute shifts can send the nervous system into overdrive. Alex and Patricia share practical, compassionate strategies for navigating change: pacing, lowering expectations, sensory supports, scripting, noticing your body's needs, and honoring what actually helps instead of what you think you "should" be able to handle. Ultimately, the episode is about self-trust, emotional honesty, and building a life that respects your neurodivergent wiring — especially during seasons of chaos, transition, and holiday noise. KEY TAKEAWAYS Autistic sensory and emotional fatigue after holidays ("harvest feast" instead of Thanksgiving). How pace points/spoon theory help track energy during social and holiday events. Autistic overwhelm from holiday prep, socializing, and changes in routine. The emotional impact of not being direct about needs (resentment vs depression). Feeling "grinchy" and why the Grinch may resonate with autistic and AuDHD folks. Autistic need for sameness, repetition, and predictability for nervous-system regulation. How even positive change can be dysregulating for autistic people. Overwhelm from visual clutter and environmental shifts (decorations, bedding, etc.). The emotional exhaustion of people coming and going in a household. Autistic challenges with transitions, unexpected additions/subtractions of people, and last-minute plan changes. How autistic people mentally prepare and why sudden changes feel destabilizing. Internalized ableism and external criticism around being "rigid," "negative," or "not chill." How trauma, masking, and accuracy needs affect responses to change and inconsistency. Partner dynamics around inconsistency, communication, and misremembered conversations. Observing family dynamics that others don't notice — a common autistic experience. Post-holiday shutdown mode: pajamas, no shower, comfort foods, and rest. Shame around "basic adulting" when autistic burnout hits. Chronic fatigue, post-exertional malaise, and the overlap with AuDHD burnout. How habits, sensory items, comfort objects, and small routines restore predictability. Strategies for managing change: reducing expectations, movement, comfort shows, pacing, sensory support, and compassion. SOUNDBITES Even things that you enjoy can be dysregulating and overwhelming, and change can be difficult." "I think what I call depression is really resentment for not being direct." "If someone could respond differently, they would. We're not choosing to have difficulty with change." "Inconsistency is very difficult for me — it's not about the tree, it's about the mismatch." "Change really affects me. I overdid it, and now my body is telling the truth." ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master's in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while ...
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    35 mins
  • 8. What is Autism Part 4: The DSM Got It Wrong: What Autism Really Looks Like

    8. What is Autism Part 4: The DSM Got It Wrong: What Autism Really Looks Like
    Nov 7 2025
    8. What is Autism Part 4: The DSM Got It Wrong: What Autism Really Looks Like SUMMARY In this conversation, Patricia Young (she/her) and Alex McLaughlin (they/them) wrap up their discussion on the DSM criteria for autism through a deeply human, neurodiversity-affirming lens. They unpack how autism presents across childhood and adulthood, challenge medicalized definitions, and reflect on the lived realities of autistic experience—from masking and burnout to doubt, misdiagnosis, and the ongoing process of self-understanding. Together, they illustrate how embracing neurodivergence transforms shame into self-compassion and invites deeper connection and authenticity. SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED Grounded, authentic check-in emphasizing permission to "show up as you are." Discussion of living in the "land of not enough" and the emotional toll of productivity pressure. Exploration of Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (PDA) and its everyday impact. Deep reflection on internal vs. external experiences of autistic people. DSM Criteria C–E broken down in accessible, real-world language. Criterion C: Autism traits must appear early but may be masked or misunderstood. Examples of masked autism in childhood—early reading, "picky" eating, routine difficulty with change, hyperlexic tendencies. Misinterpretation of autism traits within families where neurodivergence runs generationally. Emotional safety and meltdowns as signs of regulation, not "bad behavior." Childhood signs: intense interests, anxiety, internalizing vs. externalizing behaviors. Discussion on autistic masking and burnout—"functioning" at great emotional cost. Criterion D: Societal mismatch, not autism itself, causes distress. Criterion E: Traits are not explained by intellectual disability; critique of deficit-based framing. The importance of validation, fact-checking, and curiosity as autistic traits. Common autistic professions: engineers, scientists, data analysts, musicians, writers, therapists. Autism in helping professions and systems (e.g., military, therapy, police, law, medicine). Reflection on doubt after diagnosis and the nonlinear acceptance journey. The harm of misdiagnosis: autism overlooked as anxiety, trauma, BPD, or OCD. Intersectional awareness—how autism is misdiagnosed or criminalized in marginalized communities. Closing insight: embracing identity over pathology leads to freedom, compassion, and authenticity. SOUNDBITES "My internal experience is quite vastly different than how many people perceive me outwardly."--Patricia "Traits must cause challenges not because of being autistic, but because we live in a world not built for us."--Alex "People can have this impression that they're doing well, not knowing this isn't average—it shouldn't have to be this hard."--Alex "I spent so much of my adult life trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me; learning I was autistic changed everything."--Alex "How many kids in the juvenile justice system are really autistic but were misdiagnosed because of their color or class?"--Patricia CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro): 00:00 Navigating Groundedness and Self-Reflection 02:44 Understanding Autism: DSM Criteria Overview 05:42 Personal Experiences with Autism in Childhood 08:41 The Impact of Social Dynamics on Autistic Traits 11:31 Challenges of Masking and Autistic Burnout 14:27 Criteria D: Life Challenges and Functioning 17:17 Criteria E: Disturbances Explained 19:58 Exploring Careers for Autistic Individuals 23:04 Misdiagnosis and the Need for Awareness 25:56 Navigating Self-Doubt and Acceptance 29:00 The Intersection of Race and Autism 31:42 Conclusion and Resources for Neurodivergent Individuals ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master's in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex ...
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    35 mins
  • 7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud

    7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud
    Nov 3 2025
    7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud SUMMARY In this lively and validating episode, Patricia (she/her) and Alex (they/them) unpack how the DSM describes autism versus how it actually feels to live it. They explore everyday stimming, sensory seeking, routines, and how nervous system regulation shapes reactions, from "that's my chair" moments to deep nervous system truths. Expect laughter, nuance, and honest conversation about honoring neurodivergent needs without pathologizing them. SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED The DSM criteria often miss the lived experience of autistic adults, especially those diagnosed later in life. Stimming is a nervous system regulation tool, not a "behavior to stop." Examples of stimming include toe rubbing, lip chewing, fidgeting, humming, rocking, hair twirling, and even organizing candy by color. Everyone stims—autistic and neurotypical folks alike—it's about soothing and grounding. "Stealth stimming" can be subtle and unconscious, like rubbing fabrics, counting, or shifting in a chair. Sensory seeking is tied to comfort, curiosity, and pleasure—touching textures, smelling things, or petting animals. Stimming can also show up as repetitive speech, watching the same show, or humming, which activates the vagus nerve. Routine and familiarity bring safety. Unexpected changes can cause distress, not because of rigidity but due to nervous system overwhelm. Autistic distress over disrupted routines often differs from OCD—it's rooted in needing predictability and sensory balance, not irrational fear. Personal stories illustrate how "my chair" or "don't move my stuff" moments aren't about control but about regulation and respect. Many late-diagnosed adults mask or internalize distress, leading to exhaustion or self-criticism. Externalized dysregulation (meltdowns) and internalized distress (shutting down, self-blame) are both valid responses. "Size of the problem" teaching models can feel invalidating when they dismiss autistic nervous system reactions. The nervous system reaction is always valid, even if the expression of it needs tools for safety and alignment with one's values. Perseveration (looping thoughts, emotions, or worries) isn't a choice—it's how the neurodivergent brain processes deeply. "Get over it" advice misses that emotional regulation takes as long as it takes. Humor and self-awareness help—especially when noticing our quirks like candy sorting or counting behaviors. Clear rules and predictable structures are calming; shifting expectations without notice can be deeply dysregulating. Autistic self-awareness is not about eliminating reactions, but learning self-compassion and tools for regulation. SOUNDBITES "Living in these meat bodies could be a whole series." –Patricia "Everyone stims. It's just that autistic folks need it to stay regulated." –Alex "If we could stop perseverating on a thing, we would. It's not fun to be stuck."--Alex "My husband knows—don't touch my stuff, don't move my stuff." –Patricia "The feeling and the reaction are valid. How we manage it is what we can work on." –Patricia CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro): 00:00 Introduction and Personal Check-in 01:29 Exploring DSM Criteria for Autism 02:15 Understanding Stimming and Its Variations 05:40 The Role of Stimming in Self-Regulation 09:41 Sensory Seeking Behaviors 12:38 Criteria B2: Safety in Familiarity and Routine 17:03 Reactions to Disruption and Managing Responses 24:08 Understanding Nervous System Responses 27:11 Processing Emotions and Feelings 28:35 The Importance of Clear Rules 32:24 Safety in Passionate Interests 36:21 Exploring Sensory Differences ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master's in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex also brings ...
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    49 mins
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