Most men were never actually initiated into manhood. Nobody stood on the other side and said — you're different now, here's what that means, here's what we expect from you. Most of us just got older. And thus, many men are still running the same adolescent software in a grown man's body.

Rites of passage leader Jeddy Azuma is back on the podcast, and this conversation goes deep fast. Jeddy works with men on rites of passage and mature masculine leadership — he's guided over 100 men through wilderness fasts, and he's seen what happens when a man actually crosses a threshold versus when he just... keeps going through the motions. If you missed his first appearance, check it out — link in the show notes.

In this episode, we get into what mature masculinity actually looks like. We talk about the difference between initiation and rites of passage, what it means to hold the dynamic tension of a full life without losing your center, and why the harshest voice in your head isn't motivation — it's immaturity wearing the mask of high performance.

We also talk about the inner critic — how it forms, how it served you, and how to replace it without losing the standard it held you to. That part of the conversation hit me. Because most men don't question that voice. It's been there so long it just sounds like truth.

Jeddy also shares what four days alone in the wilderness — no food, no shelter, no distraction — actually does to a man. What comes up. What gets left behind. And what the real work is when he comes home.

We close talking about where community is headed — why Jeddy believes this large-scale civilization experiment is already in collapse, and why the future belongs to smaller, trust-based communities built around shared values.

If you've ever felt like something essential got skipped in how you became a man — this one's for you.

Join The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation

Connect with Me: Instagram: @traverboehm

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Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books

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Connect with Jeddy: Instagram: @jeddyazuma

Missed Jeddy's first appearance on the podcast?

Check it out here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qJjqeUgWjKUnGX1nxir9d?si=yMrreCykRay5dUsiuXdRCA

Chapter List

00:00 The Journey of Masculine Leadership

01:03 Defining Immature Masculinity

04:38 Holding Dynamic Tension

10:48 The Inner Dialogue of Men

11:58 The Importance of Initiation

16:08 Rites of Passage vs. Initiation

18:31 Rites of Passage & Initiation

25:53 The Adolescent Male Experience

27:55 What's the Point?

30:24 The Wilderness Rite of Passage Process

33:31 Transformation Through Initiation

35:59 Connecting to the Soul

42:57 Community and the Need for Trust

48:20 The Future of Community Living

If you've read 28 Days in Darkness or followed my journey into the dark rooms, you've heard her name. Arpita Kshama Devi was the guide on the other side of the door — for my first retreat in 2016, and again this past year when I went back in for 49 days. I've wanted to get her on the mic for years and we finally made it happen.

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Arpita is a meditation teacher, dark retreat guide, yoga teacher trainer, and PhD researcher with 15+ years of guiding people through some of the most intense inner work available. She's been in my life for a decade, and this conversation goes exactly as deep as you'd expect.

We talk about what it actually means to enter the dark, what she feels the moment she walks someone into a retreat, and why the spiritual path was never supposed to be easy — no matter what the wellness industry is selling you. We also get into the questions most practitioners won't touch: the integration of shadow, the erotic, and the parts of ourselves we've quietly exiled for the sake of looking like we have it together.

She's one of the most fascinating humans I know. This one's been a long time coming.

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Join The UNcivilized Nation — a brotherhood of men doing the work: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation

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Get my books — including 28 Days in Darkness: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books

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Learn more about Arpita and her retreats: https://loveevolveawaken.com Instagram: @love.evolve.awaken.yoga

I've been off the mic for eight months. Here's where I've been — and where we're going.

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After 49 days alone in a pitch-black room in Tuscany last year, I came out a different man. Not better, not worse — different. And I knew I couldn't keep having the same conversations I'd been having for the last five years.

In this episode, I'm sharing three ideas that came out of the dark — lenses I'm now using to navigate everything.

OLSLAI — one life, soul led, all in.

Dark adapted eyes — learning to see through the veil of your life while it's happening, not just in hindsight.

And a third concept you can hear about in this episode that's going to help shape where this show goes from here.

This is the relaunch. Same UNcivilized mission. Deeper water.

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Want more conversations like this?

Join me and a brotherhood of men doing the real work inside The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation

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Referenced in this episode:

Stephen Jenkinson on The UNcivilized Podcast: https://youtu.be/WnBp_AYNScQ

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Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books

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Find me here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TraverBoehm

Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com

ManUNcivilized.com

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#UNcivilized #BeMoreMan #OLSLAI #DarkAdaptedEyes #TheUNcivilizedPodcast #TraverBoehm #TheUNcivilizedNation

Hey folks, here is an early morning guided meditation from you before I take a hiatus from the podcast for a few weeks to reintegrate from my dark retreat.

I wanted to share this with you while I still feel I have a foot in the other world. Find a comfy spot, close your eyes, and join me as we drop down into your heart and the depth of your being.

We’ll be back late September with more incredible episodes for you.

Please share this with one person in your life as well!

Cheers,

Traver

Want to Go Deeper?

The UNcivilized Meditation Course — Practical tools to drop into your body, regulate your nervous system, and reconnect with your true self:

The UNcivilized Meditation Course

Man UNcivilized — The book that started the movement and continues to redefine masculinity:

Get Man UNcivilized by Traver Boehm

28 Days in Darkness — Traver’s latest book on surrendering to the unknown and reclaiming your life:

Get 28 Days in Darkness

Stephen Jenkinson is a treasure, he’s also a three time Uncivilized Podcast guest, now speaking to us from a difficult place. Usually the man sitting with the dying, he’s now sitting with death himself.

In this conversation I wanted to ask Stephen all of the no bullshit questions I could, giving him no softballs and going straight into the heart of the matter. As he always does, he took my questions and made both poetry and wisdom out of them.

Truth be told, I had to breathe my way through this interview so as not to break down in tears myself. It’s raw and it’s real.

This episode is about life, sickness, and facing death in an UNcivilized manner

Cheers,

Traver

This is Stephen Jenkinson’s fourth time joining us on The UNcivilized Podcast—and each time, he leaves a mark.

If this conversation stirred something in you, go deeper with his past episodes:

How to Navigate Grief and Die Wise »

Grief, Mystery, and Generational Fever Dreams »

There’s No Refund for Real Life with Stephen Jenkinson & Kimberly Ann Johnson »

Kati Bird is the very first person to teach me about Shibari, the Japanese bondage system. She now travels the world leading workshops, working with couples and individuals and has zero apologies about a life lived way outside the box.

We sit down and dive right into how Kati went from being a wilderness guide to becoming one of the most sought after Shibari teachers in the world. How she manages a life on the road and most importantly about the incredible ways she teaches people to connect deeply to themselves, navigate their traumas, and express themselves in ways they never thought possible, all with rope.

This episode is about trust, human connection, and living a truly UNcivilized life.

Cheers,

Traver

Connect with Kati:

Learn more about Kati’s work, upcoming events, and travels here:

Website — ShibariUnravelled.com

Instagram — @becoming_unravelled

Back for his second round on The UNcivilized Podcast, the man who trains Special Forces Operators on how to use chaos to their advantage and tap into their instinct and intuition. Don’t worry, his work is applicable to all — even the school children he teaches his programs to.

Angus Fletcher is the author of Primal Intelligence and a friend of ours at UNcivilized. In this conversation we dive into the future with AI, how to be harder to kill, and why having the ability to rapidly create a plan is the difference maker whether you’re hunting down an enemy, trying to grow your company to seven figures, or get along with your partner.

This is a fast paced episode filled with gems, so hang on to your hat!

Cheers,

Traver

For more from Angus, visit his websites at AngusFletcher.co and OperationHuman.com. You can also order his book, Primal Intelligence: You Are Smarter Than You Know, now available through Amazon and Penguin Random House.

To hear more from Angus, check out his first appearance on The UNcivilized Podcast, titled “How Story Thinking is the Operating System of the Brain”, available on Spotify and on the UNcivilized blog.

Miles rote started his career as United States Marine, then became a Police Officer, then a Private Investigator, then a yoga teacher, and now runs one of the most successful book publishing companies in the world. Like me, he’s also a giant AI dork.

His life story is twisty, turny, and incredibly wild. We talk about choosing a path for your life, knowing when to make a hard pivot when your intuition tells you, why going all in is the only way to go — and stick around for the end of the episode when Miles openly shares about finding out the man he was told was his father, ended up not being so.

This episode is about overcoming obstacles, dealing with pain, and living a truly UNcivilized life.

Cheers,

Traver

Connect with Miles Rote:

Website: Author.Inc

Instagram: @MilesRote