The Relaxed Male By cover art

The Relaxed Male

By: Bryan Goodwin
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  • Summary

  • The Relaxed Male is a podcast dedicated to empowering men to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in all areas of their lives. Whether it's romantic partnerships, family bonds, friendships, or professional connections, this show provides insights and actionable advice for building and maintaining positive relationships grounded in mutual understanding, respect, and care. Each episode delves into the unique challenges and opportunities men face when it comes to fostering meaningful connections. The host Bryan assists men in understanding how the elements of how one approaches a problem can hinder relationship growth. Through thought-provoking discussions, real-life examples, and practical exercises, listeners gain valuable tools to improve their listening skills, empathy, vulnerability and thoughts needed for building trust and intimacy with those around them. The show also covers the importance of self-awareness, personal growth, and taking responsibility for one's actions and their impact on others. Ultimately, The Relaxed Male aims to empower men to have strong relationships without sacrificing who they are in the process. Helping men to live a fulfilling life with strong meaning ful relationships and stay out of the victim trap So if you're ready to level up your relationship game and cultivate deeper, more authentic connections, tune in and join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
    Relaxed Male 2019-2024
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Episodes
  • How We Break The Connection With Our Wife

    How We Break The Connection With Our Wife
    May 23 2024
    If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.Take The Next StepSo we have noticed that the lack of intentionality with our significant other has to change. To be able to change you have to know how you arrived in the circumstance you are in now. That is what we are going to be talking about this week. What actions did we take to break our connection?***Warning***Don't fall into the victim mindset here. You may want to say,"Well, she doesn't try either.""She started it""She is just cold""She never liked the marriage to start"or any other excuses. even if she said that to your face, your thoughts are what makes it true. So what was your part in this scenario? When you start being honest that you had a hand in your marriage's doldrums too, you start to see where your power is and you can fix it by changing yourself. Think of the law of reciprocity or the 100/0 principle.You are the leader of the house. Not the boss of the home but the leader and there is nuance as to how a good leader leads.So what did you do to send your loving sex-filled marriage into the frustrating mediocrity of roommate syndrome?Being a know-it-allHas your wife ever reminded you of something you need to do and you said, "I know"? Maybe you step all over her talking with your own thoughts and views? Many times when we are running on unintentional thoughts we will be Mr. Know-it-all. We are in a hurry to get our thoughts sent out before we forget them and we end up forgetting that we want to connect with our wife. So What do we do? Blurt out our thoughts and not show her the courtesy or respect that is needed for a good connected conversation.We don't have to expound all of our knowledge all at once. Our wife believes we can be awesome and smart. She is also awesome and smart so maybe hold back and if needed write the retort down so you can remember it.Try to fix itShe doesn't want you to fix the problem. She wants the opportunity to share her life with you. When she complains about the day she had she’s not wanting sympathy as much as she is wanting to share her life.The problem many of us men have is that we take our wife’s retelling and make it mean something worse. That she is suffering she’s in pain. She is not having a pleasant time and that it reflects badly upon us. Many of us men also have a tendency to become anxious, worried, scared, angry, or some other fear-based emotion That we want to avoid.so instead of listening and connecting with her wife, we want to rush in with our toolbelt and get our wife to be happier instantly. Life doesn’t work that way how many times has our wife tried to get us to smile and cheer up and it doesn’t work? The same thing goes for her.When we try to fix the problem often, our wife thinks that we don’t care about what her day was about. We want to hurry the conversation along so that we don’t have to connect with our wives. That is the very opposite of what we want. We want to connect with our wife. We want to have a wonderful relationship with our wife. We know that we have to have a good emotional connection with our wife, but we also don’t wanna feel bad. Therefore, we toss all of the work we’re doing out the window.Have your phone out at supperWe gripe at our teenagers for having the phone out at times. We really want to connect. These phones that we have today are these wondrous little machines that give us feel-good emotional bumps every second of the day.The big problem though is that when we don’t have our phones in our hands, the amount of serotonin and dopamine levels drop which tells our brain that we are bored. Our brain does not like to be bored. It likes that stimulation that it gets from that little rectangular slab of plastic glass and metal. so often when we are being unintentional in our life that phone magically appears in our hand. So what are you do?How do you keep from having that phone out at supper? That’s work right there. You have to get over your thoughts of what boredom actually means.To your wife, the phone being out means the same thing as the phone being out to the kids. She interprets you reading your email looking up some piece of trivia or what as you’re not interested in her. The same goes around for your wife if she has the phone and you want to talk. You know how that feels so you have to start intentionally paying attention to what your hands are doing while you’re waiting for a refill of the bread basket.You can start turning the phone off when you go to eat. You can also take the phone and set it face down on a different table to signify that you don’t have the phone. And then start asking questions. Talk to your wife. Don’t fix as before, but have deep conversations by asking questions.PornWhen it comes to marriage, we’re supposed to have sex on a regular basis. Well, that’s what we like to tell ourselves. Yet often as the years go on ...
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    42 mins
  • Building A Better Intentional Connection With Your Wife

    Building A Better Intentional Connection With Your Wife
    May 16 2024
    After 10 to 20 years of marriage, you may notice that the roommate syndrome has crept in and has set up Shop right in your bedroom. You may be noticing that there are a lot of things that are just kind of normal. Maybe you think that’s how things just are. However, this stuff can change. The connection that you are used to hasn't gone it’s just not being used. Your emotional connections are a lot like a muscle and you have to exercise it to keep it strong.When we have that strong connection in our relationships, we experience a more fulfilling relationship. That connection is what our wife needs to be intimate with us. We often stand around, wondering why she doesn’t want to sleep with us anymore or why the sex has faded away to being once every three months when it used to be we were rocking our socks off every other day. The answer is, that we’ve let life happen. We’ve had arguments and we’ve said things that hurt each other’s feelings. We’ve lashed out because we were hurting emotionally. It means that we would rather feel emotionally safe and not feel hurt as much. Therefore, we withdraw.That withdrawal pattern amplifies in distance as the years pass. Add kids and other responsibilities and eventually that smoking hot bride that we had isn’t putting on teddys and garter belts for us anymore. She is now in fuzzy pajama pants, a long nightgown sweatshirt with fuzzy socks. You can’t remember the last time she touched her makeup and getting her to go outside amongst people in public is like pulling teeth. When you look back you see and remember how adventurous she used to be. That lack of connection and that lack of communication is what created the problem you’re experiencing now.Is there any hope? Should you just give up on this marriage and go find a younger model? I would dissuade from the divorce thoughts because you have years of connection. You need to have a reawakening to see that wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling marriage you both still have. The Key is you just have to work at rebuilding that connection now.Start with the end in mindWhen it comes to building a strong connection, you want to start with the end in mind. That means stepping back and examining what does a connected intimate marriage actually look like. Yes, it’s gonna have more sex for sure but what else? Are you ok with the possibility that the sex may never come back to what it was before? What does that look like? How do y’all reconnect each night before bed? How do you set aside intentional time for your wife? How do you foster a deeper connection during the hard times? What does your life with a deep meaningful fulfilling connection look like to you? That is the important part that we miss. How do we go about having a great fulfilling marriage? These are all questions you want to ask regularly.Many times we step through life without intention so much so that we don’t even think of what we want our marriage to look like or how we want to act toward each other. We think that the other person is supposed to be bringing us joy, happiness, and fulfillment, but that is not the case. Your wife sadly cannot bring you happiness. Your wife cannot make you happy in any form. She doesn't have that power. The same goes for you. You are not able to make your wife happy. No matter what you say or do, you’re not gonna bring joy or fulfillment to her life. All of that is based upon your thoughts, so you have to first understand and examine and do the thought work on what you believe a good healthy marriage is about.How do you think You behave when there’s a crisis how do you show up to that circumstance? Look in examine how you want your life to be from every possible angle and then look and see where you don’t show up like that and why do you not show up like that? What are you making your wife saying she’s got a headache mean about your relationship? you want to make sure you have those thoughts processed. Make plans as to how you would like to show up for your wife. Have a vision of how you will be. Don't worry about your wife. You have no control over her.Understand your why and want to change.What is it about your marriage that is unfulfilling? That’s a great question to ask, isn’t it? Can you answer that question honestly to yourself? What part of that scenario is your fault? That’s a big one if you’re able to answer that. You’re gonna be well on your way to finding answers and being able to change your marriage for the better, if you can see how you had a hand in creating this roommate syndrome.The next part of your marriage that you want to examine is why you want to change. Yeah, the sex may not be as frequent as you would like, but that is just one aspect of a beautiful marriage. If all you can complain about is that you’re not getting as much nookie as you want, then other issues and that is a little bit more work. I would recommend that you look at your beliefs around marriage and ...
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    41 mins
  • 3 Instances of You Get What You Give

    3 Instances of You Get What You Give
    May 2 2024
    You may have heard me talk about how our minds are like computers. You get out what you put in. There are many instances of this from getting respect you have to first give respect. If you want peace in your life you have to first give peace. Our Bodies are also like that Are you in shape or are you an example of soft living? Do you eat nothing but vegetables or are you an omnivour? Do you exercise? Do you lift heavy objects and throw them around your yard? What you are doing and how you feel has a bit to do with what you are powering your body with. Some men do like to power their body with cigarettes and coffee and while that will work for a while it won't be long till you have problems with what you are putting in. Now. do you go to the extremes and be Mr. Healthnut? No Moderation is the key. Our projects are like that. Are you putting time effort and money into your projects or are you just doing some stuff hoping that it will eventually take off? If you aren't putting the needed effort into your project they will not reward you with the desired outcome. Our relationships are also like that Do you want kids that are happy to see you? How about a marriage where the wife is happy to see you? When the kids go to bed is she happy to get undressed for you? What are you putting into the relationship> are you putting a lot of self-defeating thoughts or are you bringing good healthy masculine energy to the relationship? We often come home and proceed to sit on the couch and watch television. Yet what would your relationship be like if you were to become interested in your wife's world? All of our relationships are like these. Now are we to act like women when we meet each other? No, we are men but we have to contribute to the relationship for it to grow. Yes we do have those long-time friends whom we see each other and we can pick up right where we left off but many more require care and diligence to nurture and grow. Links Get a New Podcast App Summary The main premise of this episode is examining the principle of "you get what you give" and how it manifests in different areas of our lives. The host, Brian, a certified men's coach, discusses three key examples where men often fail to put in enough effort or quality "inputs", resulting in poor "outputs" or undesirable results. The first example is our bodies. Brian explains that our bodies function like computers - the inputs (thoughts, beliefs, actions) determine the outputs (health, weight, energy levels). If we feed our bodies junk food and have negative self-talk, we'll get poor physical results. He cautions against going to extremes like strict veganism or carnivorism, as moderation is healthier. The words we tell ourselves about our bodies become self-fulfilling. The second example is our projects, goals, and aspirations. Many men don't put in the consistent, devoted effort and problem-solving required for their passions or dreams to truly take off. We hope for success with minimal work, but it doesn't happen that way. Brian stresses facing the mental obstacles and unhelpful thoughts that hold us back from applying ourselves fully to our desired endeavors. The third key area is our relationships - romantic, familial, and friendships. The quality of energy, nurturing, love, curiosity, and work we put into our relationships is exactly what gets reflected back to us. Putting in sarcasm, criticism, neglect, and lack of communication breeds problems and disconnect. Unresolved conflicts pile up, leading to roommate-like situations lacking intimacy. However, nurturing with love, open communication, and true effort yields loving, fulfilling relationships. For struggling relationships, Brian advises doubling down on efforts through vulnerable communication, curiosity about your partner's inner experience, and doing the inner self-work. For career struggles, working on fostering good professional relationships is key. The overarching solution is to put high-quality "inputs" or effort into the four pillars of life: body, mind, community, and soul. Our thoughts ultimately create our reality, so being mindful of our self-talk and inputs is crucial. Brian offers his discounted one-on-one coaching services to help men identify their ideal dream life and make a plan to put in consistent inputs across the key life areas to ultimately get their desired outputs and results. The main takeaway is that the quality of what we get out of our health, goals, and relationships is a direct reflection of the quality and quantity of what we put into those areas through our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and efforts. Applying this "you get what you give" principle is key to transforming one's life experience. 00:00:00 Introduction 00:03:42 The Three Spaces 00:07:35 Body and Mind 00:12:22 Nurturing Relationships 00:18:47 Input Equals Output 00:21:39 Putting in Effort 00:23:24 Closing Words
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    24 mins
Social Sciences Personal Success Relationships
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