In this episode of The Humans vs. Retirement Podcast, I delve into one of the most disorienting aspects of life after work: identity.

For decades, we’ve answered the question “Who are you?” with a job title. Director. Manager. Teacher. Lawyer. And then retirement hits — and suddenly, the title is gone. What’s left is often a quiet identity crisis no one warned us about.

This episode, The Past Built You. Your Future Needs You explores why losing a role feels like losing yourself and how to begin rebuilding an identity that’s deeper, freer, and far more authentic than anything you had before.

• Why so many retirees experience role-based identity collapse.

• The hidden danger of achievement addiction, and why productivity isn’t the same as value.

• How identity is not fixed, but a story you tell yourself (and why that’s good news).

• Three powerful shifts to rebuild identity in retirement:

  1. From Role → Values

  2. From Productivity → Contribution

  3. From Legacy → Aliveness

• Why staying stuck in nostalgia is one of the biggest risks in retirement.

• How to introduce yourself without your past job title — and why this simple exercise is so transformative.

👉 Introduce yourself without using your past job title.

Try it out loud. Then create an “I am” list:

• I am someone who makes people laugh.

• I am someone who listens deeply.

• I am someone who’s figuring it out, and that’s okay.

This is how identity is rebuilt: one sentence at a time.

📖 Dr. Bruce Feiler — Life Is in the Transitions (on identity as fluid, not fixed).

📚 Research: Journal of Gerontological Psychology (2021) — 50% of retirees feel identity loss within the first 12 months.

👉 Share your “I am” list with me on LinkedIn or in your journal, whichever feels right.

👉 Want more? Connect with me on LinkedIn and share your Challenge of the Week answers.

👉 Buy my book The Retirement You Didn't See Coming

👉 Book a time for us to chat about your retirement plans

Up next: The Five Pillars of Retirement Well-Being (That No One Told You About) — unpacking purpose, identity, relationships, structure, and well-being, and why most people accidentally neglect all five after they retire.

Welcome back to Humans vs Retirement! Season 6 kicks off with something brand new — no guests, no panels, just me, the mic, and the unfiltered truth about retirement.

In this episode, I tackle one of the biggest myths of all: that retirement is the finish line. Spoiler alert — it’s not. Retirement is the starting line of an entirely new chapter, and one that comes with as many emotional and psychological hurdles as financial ones.

From the collapse of structure and identity, to the massive gap between our healthspan and lifespan, I explore why retirement isn’t about winding down — it’s about gearing up for your next act.

You’ll also get this week’s Challenge of the Week: a practical exercise to help you shift from “retiring from” to “retiring to.”

• Why the glossy brochure version of retirement is a dangerous myth.

• The difference between lifespan and healthspan — and why it matters more than you think.

• How retirement strips away routine, identity, and purpose (and why no one warns you about it).

• The 4 phases of retirement (and why most people get stuck in the messy middle).

• The most important question you can ask yourself before — and after — retiring.

• A powerful reframe: retirement as a threshold, launchpad, and second mountain.

• This week’s Challenge of the Week: Write your new job description as CEO of Your Own Life.

📚 Dr. Riley Moynes — The 4 Phases of Retirement (featured in Episode 78).

💡 Bill Perkins (2020) — Die With Zero (on memory dividends).

👉 Want more? Connect with me on LinkedIn and share your Challenge of the Week answers.

👉 Buy my book The Retirement You Didn't See Coming

👉 Book a time for us to chat about your retirement plans

Up next: Past Built You. Future Needs You — exploring identity collapse in retirement and how to rebuild a stronger, truer self without your job title.

In this deeply insightful and refreshingly honest conversation, I sit down with retirement coach and former financial services executive Toni Petrillo, founder of Retire with Intention. We explore the emotional complexities and personal transformations that often define life after full-time work, diving into the hidden challenges retirees face, particularly around identity, relationships, and what Toni calls the “messy middle.” From evolving partnership dynamics to redefining self-worth and navigating the in-between, this episode offers both practical wisdom and warm reassurance for anyone feeling unsettled in retirement.

• Why a solid financial plan isn’t enough, and what you need instead

• The concept of “retiring with intention” and how to do it well

• How relationship dynamics shift after work ends (and how to prepare)

• The danger of rushing through retirement's “messy middle”

• Tools and exercises to rediscover identity, purpose, and self

• Why curiosity and honest self-reflection are underrated retirement superpowers

• The real reason so many retirees feel lost, even when everything looks great on paper

• Toni’s journey from financial executive to retirement coach

• Letting go of your business card and your professional identity

• The new relationship rules for life post-career

• Setting boundaries with adult children and grandchildren

• Rebuilding your relationship with yourself in retirement

• Understanding and embracing the “messy middle” of post-work life

• Designing a retirement based on your individual AND shared vision

• The power of pausing, experimenting, and reflecting

• The underestimated emotional labour of retiring

• Why permission, especially to feel, pause, and evolve, is everything

• Retire with Intention — Toni Petrillo’s coaching practice

• Harvard Online Course: Managing Happiness (mentioned by Toni)

• Statistics on Grey Divorce in the UK

Stay Connected

Want more thought-provoking conversations like this one?

• Subscribe to Humans vs Retirement on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts

• Visit humansvsretirement.com for tools, downloads, and insights

• Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it; you might just save them (and their family) from future chaos.

• Download for free my whitepaper - The Skill of Spending Money in Retirement

• Connect with me on LinkedIn for more insights and updates.

• Subscribe to my weekly newsletter - The Retirement Fix

• Leave us a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ review if this episode helped shift your perspective! It helps spread the word.