In this conversation of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn sit down with Russell and Kim, a couple married for 32 years facing the devastating aftermath of eight physical affairs. Russell reveals his pattern of infidelity spanning decades, including one affair lasting over two years, while Kim shares her experience of steadfast commitment despite repeated betrayal. The hosts guide Russell through the crucial realization that he's been lying to himself, not just his wife, identifying missing pieces in his story that keep him trapped in denial. Caitlyn powerfully confronts the incomplete narrative Russell presents, explaining how his "iceberg" of hidden behaviors prevents true healing. The episode offers profound insights into breaking through denial structures, the connection between childhood trauma and adult acting out, and why radical honesty—not just avoiding getting caught—is the only path to genuine freedom and intimacy.

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Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:12 – Introduction to Season 3, Episode 5: Brandon introduces the live call-in format and welcomes Russell and Kim, high school sweethearts married since 1993.
• 00:01:22 – The "Invisibility" of Long-Term Betrayal: Kim shares the devastating realization that much of their 38-year history was built on a foundation of secrets and compartmentalization.
• 00:03:18 – Sexual History Exploration: Caitlyn asks Russell to describe his full sexual story within the marriage, including any pornography use or other addictions.
• 00:04:33 – Abuse, Faith, and Deep Shame: Russell reveals being sexually abused by a youth pastor and growing up in a highly religious home, creating conflicting layers of guilt and secrecy.
• 00:09:51 – Breaking the Denial Structure: A mindset shift is introduced that allows real healing to begin by inviting the truth instead of blocking it.
• 00:12:58 – Why Kim Stays: Brandon asks Kim the crucial question of why she's chosen to stay through all eight betrayals over the years.
• 00:13:57 – Major Missing Puzzle Pieces: Caitlyn begins identifying red flags and inconsistencies in Russell's story, noting gaps that suggest incomplete disclosure.
• 00:17:23 – The Iceberg Analogy: Caitlyn explains the "Iceberg" concept, where Russell currently only sees the tip (conscious affairs) while the vast majority of his behaviors and motivations remain submerged in his subconscious.
• 00:24:37 – “I’ve Been Trying Not to Get Caught My Whole Life”: Russell connects childhood fear and rule-breaking to the way he now approaches marriage and temptation.
• 00:35:43 – Doing the Work for Yourself: Brandon encourages Russell to seek healing not just to save his marriage, but to save his own soul from the "slow death" he has been living for decades.
• 00:42:30 – Choosing Safety and Embodiment: Caitlyn instructs Russell on how to use "embodiment" to thaw his denial, emphasizing that he must tell his body it is finally safe to remember the truth.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the raw realities of addiction, deception, and recovery as Brandon and Caitlyn sit with Chris and Jessica just weeks after the revelation of Chris’s decades-long pornography addiction. Chris shares his journey through early exposure, secrecy, and lifelong patterns of lying, while Jessica opens up about the heartbreak of discovering hidden truths in their marriage. The conversation highlights how addiction feeds on avoidance, distraction, and unmet emotional needs, not just behaviors. Brandon and Caitlyn provide compassionate, actionable guidance, including screen detox, journaling, and the 4R’s framework, offering couples a raw but hopeful roadmap to confront betrayal, rebuild trust, and reclaim connection.

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YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Chris shares that everything is “extremely fresh,” revealing a long history of lying rooted in unresolved childhood issues and the very recent moment of truth.
• 00:02:47 – Jessica describes the devastation of discovery, the shock of realizing how well the lies were hidden, and the disorientation of betrayal.
• 00:04:36 – Caitlyn provides context: six years of marriage, discovery during the postpartum period, and the weight of learning the addiction spanned the entire relationship.
• 00:05:43 – Chris traces his first exposure to pornography back to early childhood and connects it to using sexual behaviors as emotional escape during trauma.
• 00:07:21 – Brandon reframes “frequency,” explaining why early disclosure often minimizes reality and why curiosity—not certainty—is essential for real healing.
• 00:13:41 – Caitlyn highlights the repeating pattern: using physical “separation” to cope, first as a child, now as an adult, linking past trauma to present behavior.
• 00:24:49 – Chris details his current screen habits, including phone restrictions, deleted social media, and intentional reduction of TV and gaming.
• 00:36:31– Introduction to the “4R’s” method (Recognize, Receive, Release, Replace) for rewiring thoughts and building the life you want.
• 00:39:38 – Caitlyn highlights the pivotal moment in marriage: fully committing to healing, consuming the Grounded Intimacy Program, and transforming life through honesty and transparency.
• 00:42:18 – This episode concludes by making healing the top priority, highlighting the positive ripple effect on the family, and fostering a fully transparent and supportive marriage.
• 00:45:00 – Jessica is given full permission to feel and process emotions while Chris learns to be a supportive presence.

In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, Evan and Kelsey share their raw journey through sex addiction recovery in their first year of marriage. Evan courageously unpacks his 20-year porn addiction history, revealing how denial structures kept him trapped even while attending 12-step meetings. After becoming complacent during their engagement, Evan's "gaslighting himself" about Instagram porn spiraled into deeper patterns—including objectifying his postpartum wife. What makes this conversation remarkable is Evan's radical transparency: he's already dismantling denial structures monthly, admitting to objectifying women everywhere, and facing the most painful truth—he's been judging Kelsey's body. Brandon and Caitlyn guide them through the "replacing" phase of the 4 R's, teaching Evan to rewire 20 years of conditioning by coming home to his body, feeling emotions he's numbed for decades, and seeing people through neutrality instead of judgment. For Kelsey, battling hypervigilance while pregnant and postpartum, Caitlyn offers hard-won hope: the forest you're clearing now leads to a meadow of true intimacy.

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Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
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YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:01:10 – Complacency in Recovery: Evan shares his history with sex and lust addiction and describes how getting married led him to stop his 12-step work and enter a season of complacency.
• 00:05:21 – Safety and Postpartum Honor: Kelsey discusses the deep pain of feeling judged by her husband after a high-risk pregnancy and her refusal to lower her standards for safety in the marriage.
• 00:09:56 – The Reticular Activating System (RAS): Brandon explains the "tech" of the brain, describing how the RAS filters data and how years of addiction trained it to focus on body parts over people.
• 00:12:44 – Radical Responsibility Changes Everything: Caitlyn affirms Evan and Kelsey as a couple actively applying the work, highlighting how Evan’s language reflects ownership rather than minimization or helplessness.
• 00:15:08 – Unexpected Debris and the "Affection Glitch": A deep dive into why the brain sometimes defaults to old, toxic imagery as a defense mechanism when it finally begins to experience genuine emotional intimacy.
• 00:17:03 – Purging the "Virus" of Old Beliefs: Using the analogy of a physical virus to explain why "ugly" thoughts must be voiced out loud to be fully cleared from the system.
• 00:22:41 – Family Dynamics and the Root of Addiction: An exploration of how childhood enmeshment and rough home environments shape the need for escapism and the long-term reliance on pornography.
• 00:27:37 – The Mechanics of the Fourth R (Replacing): A deep dive into replacing distorted associations of connection with tangible, present-moment experiences like nature, sound, and genuine bond.
• 00:30:05 – Intimacy as Radical Visibility: Redefining intimacy as "into-me-you-see" and recognizing intrusive thoughts as "subconscious darts" used to defend against the fear of being fully known.
• 00:42:42 – Returning to the Present Moment: Breaking the habit of mental escape by grounding oneself in the immediate reality of family, physical surroundings, and core values.
• 00:46:44 – Navigating the "Dark Forest" of Recovery: Using the analogy of clearing a forest to describe the arduous but necessary work of removing secrets to reach a place of marital abundance.
• 00:51:14 – Maintaining High Standards for Intimacy: A final call to never settle for a mediocre relationship, instead choosing to remove the old structures to make room for a deeper union.