The Emasculation of Being Raped as a Boy

In this episode of the podcast, Liv Frank of https://www.mybodyprayer.com/ interviews me and explores my story of recovering repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse. In this conversation, we touch upon the fascinating myth of Saturn, Uranus and Venus. Uranus was Saturn's father, the god of the unlimited Skies. Saturn was the God of limited space and time. Uranus was married to Gaia, the Goddess Earth and mistreated her. Gaia asked Saturn to take revenge on his father and Saturn castrated Uranus. Uranus's testicles fell into the ocean and from the frothy foam was born Venus, the Goddess of Beauty. There's a lot to unpack in this myth but we talk to the sternness of Saturn's outlook on life and the competition with and fear of being defeated by other men that comes with such masculine stern ways of being. And how that fear of losing one's masculinity is karmically linked to one's own act of emasculating or attempts at emasculating other men. The unkind ways in which we act towards others are the ways that we are afraid others will act towards us when we are vulnerable – this is an essential corollary of the Law of Karma. Less mythically, more realistically, I speak about the slow recovery of repressed memories. Of going from not having a conscious awareness of being an adult survivor to wondering whether I was sexually abused as a child to recovering memories with respect to one perpetrator including the horror of realizing that I have been sodomized and the impact it had on my own sense of my masculinity, to recovering memories with another perpetrator, to wondering whether I have sexually abused other children, orchestrated by my perpetrator or independently and not having clarity on the same. We touch upon the taboo of enjoying the physical act of sex even when its nonconsensual and many more themes in this rich conversation. I appreciate and share deep gratitude to Liv's holding space, her presence and her gently guiding me to revealing more of my story and I share this story in the hope that it helps other male survivors of childhood sexual abuse – and helps them heal so that they may stop the cycles of trauma.

Liv is an ever-learning priestess, a lover, and a devoted community sister. She facilitates grounding & liberatory containers for groups and individuals. The words “ancestral collective healing” turn her on.To learn more about her work, visit: www.mybodyprayer.com