Leaving 12 step can feel like freedom and heartbreak at the same time.

You thought walking away would be the hard part. But it’s the after that gets quiet and confusing.

The mixed emotions. The questions you didn’t expect. The “now what?” feeling.

Today on Sobriety Bestie Podcast we're diving in deep to explore what the hardest part of leaving AA is. I share my perspective and experience then we crowd source the comments to see what's been hard for others and how they've navigated it.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

In today’s episode of the Sobriety Bestie Podcast, Tara Grace (Burn The Stigma) and I break down how the language inside Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs can lock people into a forever-sick identity—often without realizing it.

We explore common phrases like “progressive and fatal disease,” “mental obsession,” “physical allergy,” “character defects,” “daily reprieve,” and “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” These ideas can shape how we see ourselves and create a kind of learned helplessness.

I share my own shift: Changing how I think about myself changed everything.

I’m not forever sick, broken, or spiritually defective—and you likely aren't either.

This episode comes from Sunday’s Bernie & Bestie LIVE, where we spent two hours unpacking how 12-step culture can keep people stuck—and what breaking free actually looks like.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

Wondering how long it takes to deprogram 12 step? Today we'll explore a cult recovery checklist to help get an idea of where you're at and what might be next on your deprogramming journey.

Timestamps:

00:00 How long is AA Deprogramming Intro

04:15 Phase 1 Stabilization

10:05 Phase 2 Cognitive Deconstruction

20:13 Phase 3 Emotional Reprocessing

35:02 Phase 4 Identity Reconstruction

44:19 Phase 5 Social Reconnection

51:30 Phase 6 Behavioral Unlearning

54:28 Phase 7 Long Term Integration

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

So many of us "crave" meetings after we decide to leave AA. Here's what I think is going on...

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

Join us for a fun Thanksgiving inspired episode as Carrie (Carrie's Substack) and I reclaim gratitude after leaving AA.

A lot of us are forced into masking our feelings with "gratitude" inside 12 step. But that wasn’t gratitude — that was obedience, conformity and spiritual bypassing.

So of course so many of us get the ick around gratitude after leaving AA.

It’s like a post-cult mandatory-gratitude hangover — your body remembers the coercion.

But we can reclaim what's been taken from us, we get to own ALL of our humanity.

We can choose to reclaim gratitude.

Timestamps:

00:00 Reclaiming Gratitude Intro

02:05 Mandatory Gratitude Rules

05:50 Mandatory Gratitude Checklist

10:23 Gratitude Officers Retire

12:24 Mandatory Gratitude in AA

22:58 Using Others To Feel Grateful

32:57 Genuine Gratitude

33:52 November AA Gratitude Month

39:46 Spiritual Bypassing in AA

46:39 "Nobody held a gun to your head"

1:00:50 Reclaiming Gratitude

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

Burnie + Bestie LIVE is back. Here's yesterdays livestream episode with Tara Grace from Burn the Stigma and me, Sobriety Bestie vibing in the comment section answering questions and having fun.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

I'm starting a new weekly live show on YouTube and wanted to share the first one here with you (from yesterday).

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.Ep 125

Sam ("Ebby Thatcher" on Instagram) opens up about what it was actually like to leave AA after years of fear-based messaging, confusion, and being told that walking away was dangerous.

The story dives into the shock of realizing that the “only way” wasn’t helping, the exhaustion of searching for real mental-health support, and the moment everything clicked: the problem wasn’t a lack of willingness — the problem was the system itself.

What created real change was stepping outside AA ideology, learning the science, exploring harm reduction, and finally trusting personal experience over dogma. Sam’s story is honest, raw, and deeply validating for anyone who’s questioning AA.

The takeaway is clear: choosing a different path is not only safe — it can be the beginning of actual healing and freedom.

Timestamps

00:00 Intro Leaving AA Saves Lives

02:00 Leaving AA

03:16 Phases of Leaving AA

10:45 Therapy, IOP + Pushed to AA

21:03 AA is a Cult + Rehab a Scam??

36:53 First Time at AA

39:18 The Allergy Mythology

42:19 What Helped Sam Get Sober

44:52 Cannabis Saved Sam's Life

54:37 Still "In Recovery" ?

1:00:42 Guilt Over Sponsoring + Self Gaslighting

1:08:07 Inner Child, Healing + Internal Family Systems

1:23:54 Speaking Out About Leaving AA

1:28:17 Ebby Thatcher

1:31:40 Hope For The Recovery Narrative

1:36:20 You're Not Going To Die If You Leave AA

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.