December 11th 1934 is Bill W, the Founder of AA's, last day drinking and the day he went into Town's Hospital for alcohol addiction treatment.

Today on Sobriety Bestie pod we're diving into how Bill was preyed upon when he was incredibly vulnerable (by the Oxford Group). Then how Bill turned around and built this methodology, of AA preying on the vulnerable, into his 12 step system.

Resources for deconstructing AA:

👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free

Ostracized for leaving AA. Told she’d die if she walked away. Came back anyway. Left again. And is still here, and finally free.

In this raw, funny, and brutally honest conversation, Lilly and I talk about what it’s really like to be "AA-famous," get shunned when you “go out,” and slowly realize the thing you thought saved you is also harming you.

We get into informed consent, harmful sponsorship, Al-Anon culty offshoots, drinking again without going back to meetings, ADHD/dopamine, and why so many of us feel more broken after years in 12-step than we did going in.

If you’ve ever:

• Been terrified to leave AA because “you’ll die”
• Been shunned or quietly dropped when you stopped going
• Wondered if it’s ethical for traumatized non-professionals to hear 4th-step confessions
• Tried to “work on yourself” to death
• Or are just sitting in that after-recovery void thinking, “What now?”

…this one’s for you. You are not crazy, you are not alone, and you’re allowed to change your mind.

Timestamps:

00:00 Shunned After AA Intro

02:08 Leaving AA

07:46 Taking What She Wanted, Leaving The Rest

08:30 It's Unethical To Sponsor

10:01 We Met In AA

15:49 What The "Daily Reprieve" Actually Is

22:40 What Helped Lilly Leave AA

26:26 "Informed Consent" in AA

33:46 Harmful Alanon + Amends

45:36 AA Breaks You Down

48:19 Half Measures AA

50:02 Full Blown Cult Alanon

53:30 Connecting With AA Escapees

56:20 Drinking Moderately

1:05:36 ADHD, Dopamine, Addiction + Hobbies

1:14:39 Feeling Angry After Leaving AA

1:23:32 Cult Within A Cult + Sponsoring Yourself

1:31:18 When Your Sponsor Leaves 12 Step

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

Today we're reading a book review for AA's Big Book or the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" that was featured in JAMA, the Journal of American Medical Association back in 1939, 6 months after the Big Book was published.

Here's the source.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

In today’s episode of the Sobriety Bestie Podcast, Tara Grace (Burn The Stigma) and I break down AA's "we're spiritual not religious" gaslight.

This episode comes from today's Bernie & Bestie LIVE, where we just unpacked what a religion is, how AA maps to a religion, some of the God language inside the Big Book and taking the third step (in public!). Then we crowd sourced everyone's perspectives on the AA spiritual not religious indoctrination to add to the conversation.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

Leaving 12 step can feel like freedom and heartbreak at the same time.

You thought walking away would be the hard part. But it’s the after that gets quiet and confusing.

The mixed emotions. The questions you didn’t expect. The “now what?” feeling.

Today on Sobriety Bestie Podcast we're diving in deep to explore what the hardest part of leaving AA is. I share my perspective and experience then we crowd source the comments to see what's been hard for others and how they've navigated it.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

In today’s episode of the Sobriety Bestie Podcast, Tara Grace (Burn The Stigma) and I break down how the language inside Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs can lock people into a forever-sick identity—often without realizing it.

We explore common phrases like “progressive and fatal disease,” “mental obsession,” “physical allergy,” “character defects,” “daily reprieve,” and “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” These ideas can shape how we see ourselves and create a kind of learned helplessness.

I share my own shift: Changing how I think about myself changed everything.

I’m not forever sick, broken, or spiritually defective—and you likely aren't either.

This episode comes from Sunday’s Bernie & Bestie LIVE, where we spent two hours unpacking how 12-step culture can keep people stuck—and what breaking free actually looks like.

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

Wondering how long it takes to deprogram 12 step? Today we'll explore a cult recovery checklist to help get an idea of where you're at and what might be next on your deprogramming journey.

Timestamps:

00:00 How long is AA Deprogramming Intro

04:15 Phase 1 Stabilization

10:05 Phase 2 Cognitive Deconstruction

20:13 Phase 3 Emotional Reprocessing

35:02 Phase 4 Identity Reconstruction

44:19 Phase 5 Social Reconnection

51:30 Phase 6 Behavioral Unlearning

54:28 Phase 7 Long Term Integration

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.

So many of us "crave" meetings after we decide to leave AA. Here's what I think is going on...

👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)

🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA)

📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)

🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)

Let’s get f*cking free.