Should the Goal of Your Friendship be to “Never Rock the Boat?”

Have I made it sound like it’s easy to keep friendships strong and resilient?

If so, let me set the record straight: making changes in friendships, even if they’re for the better, is HARD. A lot of the time, it involves uncomfortable conversations, confrontation, and hard feelings. It’s so tempting to push problems aside to keep relations “peaceful.”

I think there’s an expectation to put in work for romantic and familial relationships, but how much work should we be doing for friendships? At what point is it not worth the effort?

Here’s my hard truth: If you want friendships where you can grow, change, and share the real stuff, you’re probably going to have to rock the boat. It might be uncomfortable, but it won’t be uncomfortable forever. On the other side, I think you’ll find the work was worth it.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The assumption that friendships should always feel good and seamless, with zero challenges as we all move through life’s transitions
• Different types of work involved in maintaining friendships (and why avoidance is even work, from suppressing urges to withholding details about our lives)
• Why having those difficult conversations sometimes will not feel good but are important in addressing changes, building resilience, and maintaining connection
• How we feel having hard conversations with partners, family, long-term friendships and new friends; does the label of the relationship impact your investment of effort?

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 99 about individualism in friendship with James Richardson; Episode 149 about why we should want our friends to have robust social lives; Episode 153 about friendship break-ups with Meenadchi; and Episode 159 about speed dating for friends.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!