Rudy got served at his birthday party and Dan and Maureen are excited about it. That’s nice, because Maureen is having a bad week. But then Dan tells her all about his favorite insect: the cicada. It’s a hot cicada summer. Meanwhile, Trump’s first trial begins to wrap up. And there are going to be debates? Next month? In THIS economy?

Summer is in the wings, clearing her throat and getting ready to take the stage. It’s going to be hot, buggy, and stupid.

But probably no one will serve a warrant at our birthday party.

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Maureen is still in France! Surprise! She could not leave when there was still cheese to eat. Plus, she made a little friend.

Back in her home city, much is happening. Dan needs to tell her all about it. Stormy Daniels was on the stand, talking about shampoo. Michael Cohen apologies. Plus, a book with a terrible dog story and a Richard Scary worm lives in RFK’s brain. 2024! It’s deranged!

Grab your baguette, SaysWhovia, while we tell you a story.

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This week, it’s time to talk emcampments and trials.

But first, we need to help Dan get through some avoidance issues. We need to help him get to the basement of his mind palace.

Come.

Take our hand, SaysWhovia. Let’s go down the steps together.

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This week, we find out that Maureen’s been right about New York all along: It’s the place to be.

Everything happens there! Broadway! Great food! Amazing music! Cutting-edge dance and fashion! Large-scale arrests! Weird trials! Trash in bins! You name it, New York has it.

It’s all NYC, all the time this week. Chicago can absolutely eat it.

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Oh hello, SaysWhovia. Maureen was just getting her mail. What’s this? A jury summons?

LOL, that’s a joke, of course. She would never be so lucky. It’s the ticket of the season! Which lucky New Yorkers will get to hang out in a waiting room with hundreds of other hopefuls, all trying out for one of the big roles as a Trump juror. Everyone is excited! Except, perhaps, except Donal Trump, who keeps taking court naps. He does not want to be there. He is bored and itchy and needs a snack.

Meanwhile, the Republicans have launched a clever attack on themselves, while Rudy Guiillani would like to borrow a dollar from you.

2024 has arrived, SaysWhovia. Don’t look it in the eyes.

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Oh hello, SaysWhovia. We were just examining this ancient book of spells and portents. Let’s see…an earthquake, an eclipse, lightning hitting the Empire State Building…oh. Just a typical week in New York City. Nothing weird going on at all. Oh wait. The Trump trial is about to start in Maureen’s hometown! That must be it. 2024 is finally turning on the gas and showing us what’s made of.

Or IS it? Is it still making us wait? Why is Dan just listing the names of cities? Why is Maureen coughing? Are they trying to stall for time? Is it because they know what 2024 wants?

A little bit. Maybe a little bit. But! Dan does know a lot of city names, and Maureen likes lots of stuff. Because after the lists and the quakes comes the woodchipper. And a trip to Disney.

Get behind us, SaysWhovia. We’ll go first.

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SaysWhovia, Maureen has had a rough week. But it's OK because she's TOTALLY FINE. Yes, that's what she is. She is also the lentil princess, so she has that going for her.

Meanwhile the world is going to complete and utter shi...

Happy days for she's the lentil princess!

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Says Whovians! 2024 is starting to show its whole ass now as the former president Goes Through Some Things in the last 24 hours and somehow has emerged... better off? Great.

Also, Dan is in Colorado and Maureen is at her folks and, well, she's coming in hot. And then, suddenly, she's reading from the elaborate guide for getting on the internet she made for her parents back in the 90s. As one does.

Ride the weird wind.

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